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  Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

ex husband is always angry with me

Me and my ex husband have very little communication.  The only time we talk is through texting and most of it is negative, he always seems agree with me and even when I try to communicate politely he always seems so mad.  He is getting remarried to the girl he cheated on me with but still seems mad at me.  I don't bother him and I try to have little communcation cause I know it just leads to nothing.  I am so heart broken that we can not co parent for the sake of our kids.

by ang4680   10 Posts 
Posted on 10/7/2012 8:59 PM
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Answers for "ex husband is always angry with me"  (10) (You must be logged in to answer)

If he wants to sit in his own bile pot - let him...the only person who can control your reaction to it is you - and there is no reason you have to let his bitterness affect you in any way. 

You can't make him not be how he is, either...

At least you two aren't going after each others jugulars with every conversation...

Stick to facts, not feelings - and hold your ground. If he wants to be a juvenile about it - end the conversation.
by spaznskitz   11339 Posts
Posted on 10/8/2012 2:55 PM

NotJulieG....I absolutely agree with you about not getting between them n their father.  Funny thing is just today at my daughters volleyball game my ex texted me back regarding a texted i sent him earlier informing him very professionaly that i have to work twelve hour shifts this week and will not be able to take the kids on friday due to me getting out so late, i informed him i will take them saturday or can ask for the friday after next off to take them earlier.  He texted me back saying that was fine to meet friday after next than went on to say to give the phone back to my daughter and let her call her him, i informed him that they do need to have a set time when they all talk however i will not allow her to have her phone constantly until her grade comes back up, he than told me that we (meaning him and his fiance) bought her the phone for communication between them.  I told him these are my rules and he is more than welcome to take the phone back (not sure if i was in the wrong for saying that) and i will give her the phone she had previously (never got a response)....i know they are upset (they meaning him and his girlfriend because the phone is under his girlfriends name) and probably thinking i am doing this to be harsh but these are my rules and i am sticking to them....my part in all this is i do get angry when he makes me out to be the bad guy.  I am not going to lie it just gets me angry when he uses the "we" factor i just feel like i said before if him and i can't co parent and we are the parents to the kids how am i suppose to co parent or accept the fact that he wants to put is new girlfriend or she wants to put herself in the relationship with the kids?  how do you deal with these kinds of opsticals?
by ang4680   10 Posts
Posted on 10/8/2012 12:00 AM

Ang, get out of the middle between Dad and the kids - if he wants them to call, he needs to set that up, not you. The farthest you might consider going is to suggest that he sets up a time when he will call them - the same time every day, or twice a week, or whatever works for them. He's the grown-up in his relationship with his kids. You stop enabling his bad behavior.

I grew up in a military family. My Dad flew, so there were times when our birthday celebrations had to wait for Dad, but he never "forgot." Sure, Mom did a lot, but she never signed a birthday card for him, or had to ask him to write to us when he was TDY or had to report to a duty station before we could travel (in the days when long-distance calls were really expensive and reserved for serious stuff). 

We're here for you.
by NotJulieG   3319 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 10:47 PM

NotjulieG....thank you for saying you all are here for me. Its hard to realize we are never going to get along, you are right no one can force another to do something they do not want to do.  Him and his fiance bought my daughter a Iphone for her birthday.  Her math grade was a C and I grounded her from her phone (since she got it she has been on it none stop, take it she is under 13 years old) know this does not mean she is not allowed to talk to her dad or call when she wants however I did inform him that she was grounded from the phone and he asked why told him her grades never got a response.  I use to tell my kids to call their dad everyday before bed but found that they are big enough and so is he to do it themselves (as i feel being a military wife all those years i tried enough to force a childen/father relationship, telling them there dad sent them gifts when he was overseas when it was me buying the gifts and just saying this or telling my ex husband to send them post cards and letters to communcate with the kids) he blames me telling me that i don't let him talk to the kids, but the very few times I do tell the kids to call there dad he doesn't answer the phone (this is on her iphone) and never returns their calls.  he expects me to tell the kids to call him and when they don't he blames me.  I feel like my kids are stuck in the middle of all this.....
by ang4680   10 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 10:32 PM

My goodness, she sounds very selfish sorry to say, even going through everything I am going through I can't bare the thought of leaving my kids with someone else to pursue and be with another man.  I feel like she just leaves in rough situations and pretty much tries to find the easy way out of things. Although this seems like the easy way find you are doing the right thing by staying strong, getting support, and analyzing the relationship so it would happen again.  As much as I am lonely and need to move on it is hard but i want to find myself first, I want to know what I need before I allow someone else to give me what I want (does that make sense) I don't want to go into another relationship feeling the way i still do at times and hold anything against the next person who comes in my life (at this point it seems like I am never going to find anyone) I do get jealous at times thinking "why does he get it all" I left him the house which he moved her and her two kids in and he got his career which I helped him build by standing behind him like a strong military wife should do and know after all the sacrifices this other woman and her kids get to reap the benefits. THis is the hard part why does god give him someone when he doesnt deserve anyone, but than i think to myself god does it all for a reason....
by ang4680   10 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 10:19 PM

There are times when having little communication is a good thing. Wanting to be effective co-parents works only if that's what both parents want. If one of you doesn't want to put in the effort, it's not going to work.

A very effective way to deal with folks who can't communicate appropriately is something we call "Radio Silence." When it's an ex/stbx, there's no communication at all, except about the kids - pick-up and drop-off, or if there's an emergency. Even then, it's just the facts. No small talk, no "How's it going?" even if you're the kind of person who does that when you call, e mail or text for business. You respond only to things that have to do with the kids - "Yes, I'll have the kids there at 2pm," or "I got your message."

As far as his anger toward you, you stopped him from having his cake and eating it, too. He's probably not at all happy about whatever your settlement is, including child support. If he was like my ex, he considered his retirement funds his money, and was not happy at all about the amount that he had to transfer into my retirement accounts. He most likely believes that he's done nothing at all wrong - except get caught.

We're here for you.
by NotJulieG   3319 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 10:11 PM

Oh forgot to mention she is bipolar and takes meds for anger management.  So basically I am afraid to be in the same state till its time for trial.  I should write a book on this because u would not believe the things that have transpired since I filed.
by Rod42   249 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 10:03 PM

You find out the real person at the end of a relationship as my therapist I am seeing told me.  Sounds like there playing as a team and your right it should be you and him talking about the kids and not her.  Sad how some people feel better about themselves when they put you down. Trust me I been on that end.  My lawyer told me I was naive and I am the 3rd dad meaning he was adopted and then I adopted him.  I really miss him as I really still care about him and yet our son is not living with my soon to be ex but living with her parents while she is living with this guy.  Her parents live in a different stAte and it's like she went thru a mid life crises and wants to be 20 again.  So sad.  She tried to lure me back to the house saying se abandoned the cat but I had my lawyer pick cat up as I was not heading back till the short term hearing. Interesting that my lawyer was followed for 10 miles from my place to cat shwltor turn by turn and even in parking lot.  Those 2 were trying to put me in a compromising position as se got caught charting and this was a way to make her case look a little better.   I am sorry ur going thru this.  I would suggest when talking with ur ex start off saying lets be civil at least for the kids sake.  We may disagree but lets do what is right for the kids.
by Rod42   249 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 10:00 PM

My prayers are with you as well, I too know how it feels to be lied to and made feel like all the years were for nothing.  It is amazing how you adopted her son and and how quick she can turn him against you.  I have residental custody of our four children and moved out of state, I left him the house we purchased together cause I knew i wasn't able to afford it. I just got tired of fighting and all the cheating.  Something inside me snapped after all those years and I just left, I gave him what he wanted but he still seems so bitter even after the fact that he is getting remarried. His know girlfriend found some text that he was sending to me when we were in a "ok" place, he was still trying to sleep with me after the divorce and she read a text that i sent him in response to his advances.  she called me and I told her EVERYTHING not for revenge (but it did feel a little good) but because he was trying to blame me for everything. Needless to say I shouldn't have said anything and just let her find out for herself they are still together and so be it.  It still hurts that he moved on so fast but that is my battle I have to deal with but I just don't understand why he is so distant and bittler.  I have even tried communicating positively with her and she has been nice however I just don't like discussing my kids with a person that I even have yet to meet.  I just feel like me and their father should be communicating about the kids first and not me and some stranger that I never even met, but he seems to think its ok and puts her in the "we factor" and doesn't want any man around my kids.  Its just hard to raise kids with someone like this and like you I am learning and have discovered alot about this man that I never seen before.  I dont know if I was blinded by love or if I am seening the worst but whatever it is we just cant seem to communicate about anything.
by ang4680   10 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 9:45 PM

Well that is exactly what my soon to be ex did to me.  Working out of state she would not talk on the phone and all her texts were mean and I was tryin to keep her calm.  All along she cheated on me with a salesperson we bought our vehicle from moved in with him and didn't want me to come home.  Well I found out about it as thought this guy was a friend called but didn't hang up for some reason and that's web I heard her tell him how much are loved him. I filed and she got served at his place.  I adopted her son but she has turned him against me.  I was trying to be always nice but when someone is not honest and mean u just try and take the high road.  I'm finding things about her I never knew thru discovery and it's going to be messy.  Unfortunately.  My prayers  are with you.
by Rod42   249 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2012 9:18 PM

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