Divorce is final, but nothing changed...

Hello everyone,

My divorce has been final since December, since I live in California it's community property, which means each spouse gets 50%.

It was a "mutual consent" divorce, to avoid dragging the kids through courts (they are 6 and 9), because a lot of ugly things would have resurfaced. Talking with other spouses who chose that route, the usual story is that they are still married years later, the only difference is that they now have hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt.

Now, I may be divorced now, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I'm basically stuck, since I need my spouse's agreement to get things moving. He's quite happy with dragging his feet, and he would love to stay in this situation forever. For instance, we still live in the same house. Whatever I do to speed things up as far as selling it, he won't do anything. I cannot force him to do anything (I won't mention a long story of physical and emotional abuse, but it comes into play there). Property division just isn't happening, even though it is mentioned in the divorce papers. When? It is not specified.

So is my only option to go back to court? Isn't there a simple way to simply *enforce* the divorce decision without going back to court for years? I would be willing to find a way to amend the divorce papers, as to set a deadline. I would be willing to go back to court if the intervention was limited to that issue. Basically, anything that requires his consent I cannot do. I cannot sell anything (house, cars, etc.), and I cannot move on with my life. Living in this house, I just feel like going to sleep and never waking up, as there is no end in sight, even though it's supposedly already over...

Thank you for listening
Marie

by marie44 3 Posts
Posted on 2/7/2012 12:49 PM

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Tags: sharing property , property division
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Answers for "Divorce is final, but nothing changed..." (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

Mike: the mortgage has to be paid 50/50 until the house is sold, even if I move out. I cannot afford to pay both half the mortgage and an apartment rental at present, which is why I need to sell the house before I can consider that option. The mortgage remains in both our names, regardless of the situation, even if I move out, unless one party refinances. The custody has also been split 50/50. I know the house is the heart of the problem and my goal right now is to set a timeline for it to be sold, because I cannot stay in this situation much longer.

sweetpea: as I'm already under the water, getting an attorney was another big challenge, but I see I have no choice at this point...

by marie44 3 Posts
Posted on 2/20/2012 5:35 AM

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"I cannot force him to do anything (I won't mention a long story of physical and emotional abuse, but it comes into play there)."....this comment in itself is reason for you to have had an attorney. Anyone who is physically and emotionally abusive does not have the ability to be fair or play fair. I know....my stbx is one. Get an attorney, like yesterday...Peace...

by sweetpea04 2016 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2012 5:20 PM

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Who was awarded custody of the children in the agreement? Was it 50/50? Who earns more? Unless your income is close to equal and you have 50/50 custody, there should be child support.

I assume from your post that you have substantial equity in the home, and that is what is holding you back from moving. Did your decree specify who was to pay the mortgage until the house was sold?

What I'm trying to get to is, is there a way you can move out now, with the kids or at least half-time? Then the burden of the house is on him. Then he may be more mofivated to sell.

by mike1493 3231 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2012 1:32 PM

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Thanks for your response spaznskitz, I apologize for the delay in replying to you.

First of all, I never wanted to "drag anybody in the mud" through court proceedings, not then, not ever, my goal was to reach an agreement with my spouse, one that would spare our children endless years of court proceedings and thousands of dollars of debt. As far as attorneys, you are correct, we did not have any. In theory, it sounded reasonable to expect I could work things out with my spouse, for instance selling the truck and sharing the amount. Poor and naive decisions, perhaps, but what's done is done, now I'm trying to figure out where to go from here.

In the settlement, we agreed to stay in the house until it would be sold, but no date has been specified. Hence, my question was more in relation to amending this court decision, without going back to court for years of procedure. The house was shared equally between us, which is fine, but the sale has to be made with my ex-spouse's approval. At this point, my objective is to enforce the settlement that was written by the court, but for this to happen it seems I have to go back to court to amend the papers, and specify in detail when each asset is to be sold.

by marie44 3 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2012 12:28 PM

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No fault divorce has been around since the 1970's in CA, and it has been the only option available since then (other than proving insanity), it was a highly controversial move at the time that sparked a nationwide reform to divorce law. I don't know who you talked to that gave you some idea that you could drag each other through the mud in CA, or in any way be allowed to include your children in court proceedings - but you were misinformed. Possibly they are getting ugly about custody, but not divorce itself, and again, the kids aren't brought into court.

Anyway,

I don't know HOW you ended up divorced with all of this hanging. Did you two NOT have attorneys? Who wrote your settlement agreement?

I dont know many judges who would allow for firm dates not to be set, or cars not to be assigned, or an asset division not approved...unless your case was bifurcated...which rarely occurs.

As far as the house, who was given "care and control" of the marital residence?

BTW - when you get divorced - the WHEN on property division is implied - it should be done immediately after the divorce is final.

If you were assigned specific property in the settlement, there is NOTHING stoping you from selling it. It is yours, you don't need his approval.

What, specifically, does your settlement agreement state about the house....

by spaznskitz 10634 Posts
Posted on 2/7/2012 4:54 PM

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