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My ex uses taking me to court for more child support to bully me can i stop this?

When we got divorced i took on the mortgage and she said she didnt want child support from me.  I help out with my son buying him clothes and things he needs i give her money practically every month, but im not legally obligated to.  She is now leaving me out of things and asking for money for things i have no say in when i say no she threatens me with taking me to court and making me pay an unkown amount of child support and back child support. i can afford to give her what i do and i dont know if  I can afford court ordered amount of child support after taking on the mortgage by myself. What can i do to stop her from bullying me around with threats of taking me to court?

by N616   1 Post 
Posted on 10/4/2011 7:39 PM
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Answers for "My ex uses taking me to court for more child support to bully me can i stop this?"  (9) (You must be logged in to answer)

If you are paying the mortgage on a house that SHE is living in, then that is a form of support.  If you agreed to take the house and the mortgage with it, then it's really not her problem if you have trouble making the mortgage.

Most states have a very clear formula for calculating child support, based on each person's income (sometimes ability to earn), the number of children, and who has custody.  Find the calculator on your state's ".gov" website.  That might not be the final answer, but it will give you a good idea about what she might get if she asked for child support.

But just FYI, if she does get the support order, you will not have any say in what she spends it on.  Anything additional you offer to pay, yes.
by nextime   125 Posts
Posted on 10/6/2011 2:50 PM

N616, disregard what I said.  You should ignore your own attorney.
by bluebird   3248 Posts
Posted on 10/6/2011 2:28 PM

Please ignore bluebird - she has a personal problem with me and has no clue what I know and what I don't. 
Blue - this is your one and only warning - stay off the legal board if you are going to keep this up. See the moderator logo on my name? Do you know what that means? 
*************** N616
Here's the thing - she can take you to court anytime she wants to, for anything she wants to - it doesn't mean she will win what she is asking for - so stop thinking of it as a threat. If she does, she does, and you deal with it then...she is getting what she wants from you right now, that intimidation factor - you need to nip that in the butt. You can't control what she does, but you CAN control your reaction. 

I couldn't answer you on if she would win child support, just the fact you have taken on the mortgage doesn't say much. If it was a voluntary thing because you wanted the house - when the house could have been sold instead, that debt has less of an impact than if you were "stuck" with the mortgage in the divorce due to other factors. 

Her income matters, if she is possibly under employed....what your visitation is matters - long story short, there are a lot of factors that determine child support. What the exact wording of your decree matters as well - if there is anything in there stating "in lieu of cs" or an adaptation thereof, she has no grounds. If there isn't, well, then she has the legal right to have the situation reviewed. 

Flip side of the coin, you have every right to threaten her with court if she is leaving you out of things she is legally bound to include you in. Or if she does file against you for child support, you counter it with your issues. 

Best suggestion, with a shrug of your shoulders look her in the eye, tell her to do what she wants to do and it will just play out how it plays out...no means no, you are a father, not an atm. 
If she files, take it to your attorney and discuss it. 

by spaznskitz   11339 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2011 10:34 PM

I see you are divorced. What does the divorce decree state?
by bluebird   3248 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2011 9:23 AM

Are you divorced? Do you have a court ordered settlement? Is this just what you decided by talking about it? 

In most states, but not all, child support is a formula based on your salary and her salary.

You probably need to see a lawyer or at least look up the laws for your state. Spaz, a member of this site who is a judge, doesn't know the laws of all the states, only in her own district. She has an idea of what usually happens in court based on her experiences. Make sure you check your laws since there is enormous variation between states and you wouldn't want to depend on the answer from a lawyer from a different district than yours..
by bluebird   3248 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2011 9:01 AM

You are paying the mortgage. Is this a home that she is living in or that you are living in?

Document everything that you are giving her and have given her if you can. What does your divorce decree state? I doubt she can get you for back support if this was something she agreed to and it is in writing, but Spaz is our legal guru and she will most definitely weigh in on this. Doesn't mean she can't get some from this point forward, but..in my state, you can only go after it every two years, unless there has been a drastic change in circumstances...(I would suppose that is to stop the manipulation that your ex is trying with you)..
by militaryp   5614 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2011 8:39 AM

I am slowly learning that threats are just that and until you see some paperwork from a lawyer just ignore.

There would be no arrears because she already agreed to not receive support.

Do keep in mind, as I often forget, that in court you would also have a say and your paying the mortgage would be taken into consideration. She doesn't just get to go in and state her side.

Keep good records of what you have paid her and when.

As far as the bullying, get a standard tag line and keep repeating it. "Our current agreement states no child support." Don't engage in a back and forth with her.

Good luck to you.
by Peace333   666 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2011 8:38 AM

I think she cut her own throat when she said she didn't need child support from you.  It's very difficult to go back and change an established ruling, especially if a lot of time has passed.  I could very well be incorrect, but, from everything I've read, she probably won't be able to do it.
by Dactyl   5834 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2011 6:46 AM

Well, you can call her bluff and let her take you to court - and when it happens, ask that she be responsible for the court and legal fees. That might just stop the bullying. If the agreement's in writing, and enforceable (meaning that it's in the divorce decree - which you should have a copy of), it's going to be hard for her to challenge. If not, well, you take your chances.

If you post this to legal, our resident expert (a family law lawyer and judge) will see it sooner and give you better advice than I can.

We're here for you.

by JulieG   5759 Posts
Posted on 10/4/2011 8:53 PM

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