This all started before we were married. We were living together and going through a tough time. After a few months of fighting I got a message from a girl on MySpace telling me that she had been talking to my then boyfriend and that he had been telling her he was single and they'd been talking about hooking up etc etc. I confronted him and this actually forced us to work on our relationship.
We got married when we found out we were pregnant, we had been together for 2 years and had been engaged for 6 months, the pregnancy just bumped things up a little.
Things went ok for a while, little bumps in the road but nothing huge. We were looking at Craigslist personal ads one night and joking about them, not talking about having a threesome but laughing at the weird ones. He posted an ad asking for someone to have a threesome, I knew about this and thought it was funny. Apparently he was checking this at his work computer which wasn't a very good idea since he worked for his MOM. She found the post and we explained that it was just a joke. The next week my husband went fishing with his parents (I get sea sick). When he got back he told me that he had posted another ad on Craigslist without telling me. This one had pictures of my private areas that I had taken for HIM. The post was up with pictures of me for three days for everyone to see, he blocked out my face, but who cares?! Literally 2 minutes after he told me this his mom called and said that she found the post. HE USED HER LAPTOP TO POST IT! I was mortified. I called his parents back and explained that I knew NOTHING about this. We all had a long discussion with my husband and I had another conversation with him alone. I explained that this WAS NOT ok. A few months later I found a post that he submitted in the "Men seeking men" section with a picture of his private parts! The content was something like "I'm a virgin to this, looking for someone to be gentle for my first time". I was DISGUSTED. I screamed and cried until I was hoarse. He tried to deny it at first but the picture was OF HIM. He promised his personal ads were over.
After a lot of work I finally got to the point where I could trust him again. It's been a year and a half since the last incident. I was putting our snow machines up for sale on Craigslist and noticed the "men seeking men" listing was in purple, as if it had been clicked on recently. This computer was a new one I got him for Christmas, after the last incident so this should NEVER have been in purple. I went through all the posts and none of them were in purple so I opened his email and just searched the word "craigslist". A personal ad came up saying that we were a couple looking for a threesome. This time the picture was of our faces! This almost seemed worse since I work with the public in a close knit community. I couldn't believe it. I sat there for about 5 minutes reading it over and over and trying to comprehend what was going on. I waited another 20 minutes to confront him because I wanted to calm down a little first.
He kept trying to say that he wouldn't have posted it if I hadn't wanted to. TRUST ME, this NEVER crossed my mind. Then he tried to say that I knew about it, it was like he was trying to make me remember something that had never happened. I never ok'd a threesome or a personal ad that showed my face!
I'm at a loss. The last time this stuff happened we were having problems which is why I stayed, I recommitted myself and things got better. This time nothing has been wrong that I know of. We haven't been fighting, our sex life is great, so this seems to just be a part of him he can't give up. I don't know what to do, last time this happened I said I'd leave if it ever happened again, but I'm afraid to leave. I work full time and can support myself but he will fight for custody of our daughter. The worst part is he's mean to her, he's so quick to anger that she constantly says "why is daddy so mean?". I'm afraid that if I leave he'll get custody and ruin her life. I feel like without me there all she'd have would be a mean father and an absent mother. The only reason I'm worried that he'd gain full custody is because his parents have more money and can hire a better lawyer.
I just don't know what to do, I don't trust him anymore at all and don't know if I ever could again, or if I even want to try. I have no desire to go to marriage counseling or work on this. I feel like I already tried and it didn't work.
I just need some advice. And for those of you that immediately assume I don't give him enough sex please know that we have GREAT sex, and a lot of it. I am adventurous in bed, I play out fantasies with him, we role play, we do almost everything. The ONLY thing I don't want is another person in our bed. So please, no posting on how if I only gave it up he wouldn't be "driven" to post. This last posting incident came without warning during a time in our marriage that has been great.
My husband pulled the "mean" card when we were splitting up. I didn't realize it at the time but it was just something to hold over me. He knows I will always protect my daughter so he sort of uses it against me. I'm still working hard at ignoring it. I don't think he is mean to her anymore. He was a lot worse when we were together.
If you are worried about custody, then protect yourself. You have way more power than you think. Just play your cards right. Your worries are not a reason to stay. Don't make quick or emotional decisions. Think of it like a chess game. Slow calculated moves. He's likely way ahead of you, too.
So have you left him yet? How your doing getting over the embarrassing actions of your (ex) husband?
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