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  Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

My husband keeps posting personal ads on Craigslist and I don't know what to do

This all started before we were married. We were living together and going through a tough time. After a few months of fighting I got a message from a girl on MySpace telling me that she had been talking to my then boyfriend and that he had been telling her he was single and they'd been talking about hooking up etc etc. I confronted him and this actually forced us to work on our relationship.

We got married when we found out we were pregnant, we had been together for 2 years and had been engaged for 6 months, the pregnancy just bumped things up a little.

Things went ok for a while, little bumps in the road but nothing huge. We were looking at Craigslist personal ads one night and joking about them, not talking about having a threesome but laughing at the weird ones. He posted an ad asking for someone to have a threesome, I knew about this and thought it was funny. Apparently he was checking this at his work computer which wasn't a very good idea since he worked for his MOM. She found the post and we explained that it was just a joke. The next week my husband went fishing with his parents (I get sea sick). When he got back he told me that he had posted another ad on Craigslist without telling me. This one had pictures of my private areas that I had taken for HIM. The post was up with pictures of me for three days for everyone to see, he blocked out my face, but who cares?! Literally 2 minutes after he told me this his mom called and said that she found the post. HE USED HER LAPTOP TO POST IT! I was mortified. I called his parents back and explained that I knew NOTHING about this. We all had a long discussion with my husband and I had another conversation with him alone. I explained that this WAS NOT ok. A few months later I found a post that he submitted in the "Men seeking men" section with a picture of his private parts! The content was something like "I'm a virgin to this, looking for someone to be gentle for my first time". I was DISGUSTED. I screamed and cried until I was hoarse. He tried to deny it at first but the picture was OF HIM. He promised his personal ads were over.

After a lot of work I finally got to the point where I could trust him again. It's been a year and a half since the last incident. I was putting our snow machines up for sale on Craigslist and noticed the "men seeking men" listing was in purple, as if it had been clicked on recently. This computer was a new one I got him for Christmas, after the last incident so this should NEVER have been in purple. I went through all the posts and none of them were in purple so I opened his email and just searched the word "craigslist". A personal ad came up saying that we were a couple looking for a threesome. This time the picture was of our faces! This almost seemed worse since I work with the public in a close knit community. I couldn't believe it. I sat there for about 5 minutes reading it over and over and trying to comprehend what was going on. I waited another 20 minutes to confront him because I wanted to calm down a little first.

He kept trying to say that he wouldn't have posted it if I hadn't wanted to. TRUST ME, this NEVER crossed my mind. Then he tried to say that I knew about it, it was like he was trying to make me remember something that had never happened. I never ok'd a threesome or a personal ad that showed my face!

I'm at a loss. The last time this stuff happened we were having problems which is why I stayed, I recommitted myself and things got better. This time nothing has been wrong that I know of. We haven't been fighting, our sex life is great, so this seems to just be a part of him he can't give up. I don't know what to do, last time this happened I said I'd leave if it ever happened again, but I'm afraid to leave. I work full time and can support myself but he will fight for custody of our daughter. The worst part is he's mean to her, he's so quick to anger that she constantly says "why is daddy so mean?". I'm afraid that if I leave he'll get custody and ruin her life. I feel like without me there all she'd have would be a mean father and an absent mother. The only reason I'm worried that he'd gain full custody is because his parents have more money and can hire a better lawyer.

I just don't know what to do, I don't trust him anymore at all and don't know if I ever could again, or if I even want to try. I have no desire to go to marriage counseling or work on this. I feel like I already tried and it didn't work.

I just need some advice. And for those of you that immediately assume I don't give him enough sex please know that we have GREAT sex, and a lot of it. I am adventurous in bed, I play out fantasies with him, we role play, we do almost everything. The ONLY thing I don't want is another person in our bed. So please, no posting on how if I only gave it up he wouldn't be "driven" to post. This last posting incident came without warning during a time in our marriage that has been great.


by meganstevens86   3 Posts 
Posted on 5/25/2011 6:22 PM
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Tags: online , craigslist , cheating ,
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Answers for "My husband keeps posting personal ads on Craigslist and I don't know what to do"  (25) (You must be logged in to answer)




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by tammyholmes   29 Posts
Posted on 11/10/2014 7:29 PM
0





Get him out of your life!!!!!! My husband , soon to be ex, has been on dating sites almost since the day we were married, I now know, and I want no part of him. He calls it his "entertainment"!! I call it sick, and it has no place in a married man's life. If you want to surf dating sites then don't get married!!!
by nascarlady1965   2 Posts
Posted on 9/27/2014 10:56 PM
0





My husband, soon to be ex...sits at his "Whore Hub" all of the time. I, as well...found adds he had placed. He was looking for "The Older the Better" "I Love Older Women," "Looking for Granny." ???? He replied to an add where the headline was.....Married and bored...he replied to it.."Me too! I can help!" Not only has he been caught doing these things but he frequently (Pretty much daily) sits down at the Hub and googles Granny Porn. Now mind you, the Hub is in the common area of the house to where my teenage daughter could walk in on him at anytime. Thank Goodness we go to court Monday to see if I can gain Immediate Possession of the home and get him out of here. Wish me luck. Oh and by the way....it's all my fault that he has done those things. Whatever.
by booboo_nurse   8 Posts
Posted on 10/19/2013 8:39 AM
1





Restraining order would seem to be in order.  I wonder how this came out.
by ally2   12 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2013 6:55 PM
3





My husband pulled the "mean" card when we were splitting up.   I didn't realize it at the time but it was just something to hold over me.  He knows I will always protect my daughter so he sort of uses it against me.  I'm still working hard at ignoring it.  I don't think he is mean to her  anymore.  He was a lot worse when we were together.  

 

If you are worried about custody, then protect yourself.  You have way more power than you think.  Just play your cards right.  Your worries are not a reason to stay.  Don't make quick or emotional decisions.  Think of it like a chess game.   Slow calculated moves.   He's likely way ahead of you, too. 

 

        

by haboo   991 Posts
Posted on 1/28/2013 1:15 AM
4





Oh, if you can print out every thing he's done, and type/list what you can't print, and make a copy of the whole thing and give it to his parents - they might not finance his divorce lawyer after all - or at least not give him as much $ as they would have otherwise.
by Ivyzmama   7 Posts
Posted on 1/27/2013 10:43 PM
4





I understand your fear. My husband always said he would fight for custody, too, and I work full time and he's only part time or not at all, so I was very afraid (although because he physically abuses the kids). It took me years to file. Finally, I filed, and when we had to negotiate custody per the court's deadline, he handed me 70% of the parenting time without any argument. So apparently I called his bluff. Hopefully, because of how nasty your husband is to your daughter, hopefully when you file for divorce, you will be calling his bluff, too. I also was afraid about the lawyer cost, since my husband's parents gave $ for lawyers to his siblings who divorced, and I have no parents to give me $.  But, I don't think my husband's parents coughed up $ for him, because my husband's being really stingy with his lawyer time and just giving up on things like custody.  My only other advice is to print out copies of all his bad stuff Immediately (even if you have to take a day off of work to do it) and keep that file at work (not at your house!!!!!!!! keep it where he can't find it and destroy it!)  Your husband's deviancy is probably the tip of the iceberg (I'll spare you the details of what I've been finding out about my husband as our divorce progresses, but that's why I say that what you know now is probably only a glimpse of the whole truth.) And time for you to get some $ together, secure your assets from him and get a lawyer. Do you have joint credit cards? Get your own cards and cancel the joint ones Now.  Do you have a joint checking account?  Get your own now and cancel the joint! And don't feel you need to give him half the checking account. Keep it all right now, you're gonna need it, and he'll get paid back later when the property division stage of the divorce happens.  Because he's gonna ding you financially every way he can, don't leave any openings for him to do that.  You know he's gonna screw you and you need to protect your credit and your daughter.
by Ivyzmama   7 Posts
Posted on 1/27/2013 10:40 PM
2





I just have to read the headline to say, leave the douche-bag.
by LittleRed77   207 Posts
Posted on 1/8/2013 11:00 PM
1





So have you left him yet? How your doing getting over the embarrassing actions of your (ex) husband?

 

I certainly all is well with you

by gregory1969   2010 Posts
Posted on 9/20/2012 9:38 AM
4





ummmm leave him? hell yes!
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Posted on 7/9/2012 9:06 AM
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by carol34   10 Posts
Posted on 4/16/2012 2:23 AM
2





Well I was always taught that whatever is good for the goose is good for the gander. I'd be tempted to go on every free dating site craiglist you name it if it is out there I'd try it. 

I can see it now a pic of him on craigslist and the caption please somebody take this no good lying ass back stabbing snake in the grass off of my hands. The only good thing about our sex life is the cigarette I get afterwards. Please take this POS off of my hands and improve my life.

I might be wrong but I would be so tempted to do something. Good Luck and God Bless through all this heartache you are going through
by gregory1969   2010 Posts
Posted on 2/26/2012 9:47 AM
4





You should see if there is any legal action that you can take for the pics he posted of your face?
by Jayde   19 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2011 9:12 AM
1





I feel bad for what he did to you. You should make copies for an attorney.When I had to fight for custody of my son[lost anyway] According the courts where I live said it comes down to who files first. I know it's a scary thing but you have to find your way out. Don't let him have an inch when it comes to custody. He might seem like he's ok with the new arrangements but if you don't have custody settled or at least filed for before you let him take her, he could turn into instant asshole. You deserve better. Staying will just make you a nut like me. Been 10 yrs and there is nothing left of me. Lack of trust and love.  I'm a horrid person and will probably never be the same. Could lead to relationship issues between you and your daughter later. My 16 yr old son left last night to go back to his dads because he can't deal with me. Staying will turn you into something you don't want to be. Take your daughter and start a new life before it gets any worse. Hope this helps.
by Jayde   19 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2011 9:09 AM
2





Wow...I don't know how you got beyond the first time.  I can't even think of any advice to give but good luck!
by Shyla   4 Posts
Posted on 6/16/2011 2:20 PM
0





Ok...wow.

First things first: If you can, print out every ad that he has posted that you were not made aware of.  ESPECIALLY the ones that have photos...

Next, hire an attorney. Dont be stupid in thinking that this will get better, or that you can do this alone. If he intends on fighting for custody, you need to make damn sure you have all of your ducks in a row.  Document EVERYTHING, even if it seems stupid. You never now when you may need it.

As others have posted, he is probably searching elsewhere as well. Sounds like this guy has a thing for threesomes, and if he is looking at "men for men" ads, he may have more issues than you think. 

Get yourself some counseling, take care of yourself and your daughter, and leave him in the dust. Clearly he has no respect for you, and probably even less respect for himself.

by aworkinprogress   16 Posts
Posted on 6/14/2011 12:44 PM
6





Craigslist may not be the only place he's posting ads.  I would not be shocked to find him on fling or adultfriendfinder, or others, using pictures of you.
I would not be surprised if he has acted on any other ads either.  Remove any access from any computer in the house from him.  Lock any cd's, files, etc... in a safe deposit box he doesn't know about.
And definitely hire an attorney and get your ducks in a row.  That guy is sick and demented.  He sounds like the type that would not hesitate to beat you either.  Obviously zero respect for you.
by LittleRed77   207 Posts
Posted on 5/26/2011 9:26 PM
4





This is beyond scary...I'm with blue, I think there are some legal repurcussions here. 

Get out now.  The problem with deviants is that what he shows you is the tip of the iceberg.  How much more is there below the water level, unseen?  Does he get a kick out of posting your daughter's personal photos, too?  Oh, he may not be into kiddie stuff, but who knows?  Are you willing to take the chance?
by Iam   7262 Posts
Posted on 5/26/2011 11:54 AM
2





Concur, great advice from Julie--practically a credo for parents in this situation.

The other thing I would advise is, search all of your computers, cameras, CDs, flash drives, etc. He probably has at least one flash drive you don't know about--find it.  Delete delete delete anything "private" and put your regular photos on CDs and put them somewhere he can't get them.  Along with the camera.  You might even want to purge your face from facebook.

Don't trust him not to post photos--take them away to the best of your ability.
by mike1493   3673 Posts
Posted on 5/26/2011 9:29 AM
3





he is NO kind of man.....
by __STRIKER__   2342 Posts
Posted on 5/26/2011 8:01 AM
2





Wasn't going to add anything here, because I think the others say it so well... but I really like this...."don't let fear get in the way of doing what needs to be done." Great words, Julie.
by momalone   47 Posts
Posted on 5/25/2011 11:18 PM
3





If you still see the ads, make a copy, blocking out what you want to keep private. I'd think, especially after that kid committed suicide after his roommate posted a video of him having sex on the internet, that there could be criminal repercussions for him doing this to you without your consent.

I can't think of any good reason to stay with him and try to work it out. I'd think it's not likely he'll get full custody. You should try for full custody yourself, but again, unless he's in jail for what he did to you, he's likely to get 50/50. Just sayin
by bluebird   3249 Posts
Posted on 5/25/2011 9:44 PM
7





I'd get to an attorney ASAP, and get myself and my child as far away from that wacko as I could.

Putting your face, and other parts out there on Craigslist the way he did could be setting you up for some unwanted attention. Suppose that someone who's more of a creepazoid than he is figures out who those people in the picture are and decides to be on the lookout for you, thinking you want a little somethin'-somethin' that was alluded to in the ads?

I've learned, from watching family and friends with their legal issues, that more expensive doesn't mean better, it just means higher legal bills for whoever has the high-priced lawyer. I'll bet any amount of money that you'd like to lose that Godot (stbx) has a more expensive attorney than I do. Her office is fancier, her clothes are fancier, but mine has been around the block a time or two, too, and is a fox - smart and wily enough to get the job done. Not a shark that will chew up assets that could be put to better use, or a pit bull who will hang on until there's nothing left.

How did I find this guy? I got his name (and a few others who I interviewed for the position) from our family attorney, who I trust with my life, but can't represent either of us because he took care of other issues for us. We "clicked" during the initial meeting (which he did charge for), and gave me some advice I was able to use immediately to protect my share of the assets. 

Don't let fear get in the way of doing what needs to be done.

We're here for you. 

by JulieG   5763 Posts
Posted on 5/25/2011 8:01 PM
7





If this craigslist stuff was just fantasy, he wouldn't need to use your real picture.  Showing your faces says, "this is what you'll be getting if you hook up with us."  Your husband has real problems--he probably doesn't want to leave you, but he wants this sexual freedom.  If he is to remain your husband, you need to insist that he gets counseling, possibly for sexual addiction.

You also say he's a "mean father."  That's not going to get better on it's own.  But do not think that he will get custody because of his parent's money.  They may not be in his corner on this--that is their granddaughter after all.  And there is only so much money can sway things.

Get more info about divorce laws in your state--have a discussion with a lawyer.  Most of the time, in a short marriage with two working parents, there is 50/50 shared custody.
by mike1493   3673 Posts
Posted on 5/25/2011 6:37 PM
15







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