all around confused

i stumbled across this site and thought it could be of help i am currently in a failing marriage... we have tried what seems to be everything. from talking, thearpy, books and it doesnt seem to change our relationship. - alil background- i have been with my husband since high school we have been married for 2 years and have a 2 year old daughter. at first the relationship was wonderful ( of course) and i didnt think there was a care in the world then slowly but surely the problems started to arise. It begain with communication issues. he out of the blue tells me he is unhappy and married me for all the wrong reasons. i was crushed. We managed to talk about things and agreed to give the relationship another try. shortly after i suspected my husband to have an affair. i confronted him and he eventually told my that he had been talking to an old friend( someone whom i've never liked) long story short... he did everything except sleep with this person ( so in my mind it was an affair which he constantly argues opisite). i left him for a month during this time i stayed with my father's house. my husband and i wanted things to work so i agreed to come back with the condition that we got counseling- something ive often mentioned before but he refused- he agreed and we went to a few sessions shortly after he gave up the sessions and in my mind gave up at all in trying to save the relationship. i have brought this to his attention and he says that if he didnt want it to work he would have left along time ago. unfortunately actions speak louder then words and right now im not seeing any actions supporting his statements. we have mentioned splitting on a couple occasions but we always end up crying and telling eachother we still love eachother alot...then we never go any further from there. i am so torn as to what to do. i am so tired of the feeling i am having and the constant battle of emotions i want it all to end. im not sure if ending the relationship is the way to go so i thought i would post my concern and see if any one has any good advice...thanks

by erc 2 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2008 10:35 PM

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Answers for "all around confused" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

I appreciate your comments and i understand what you mean when you say it takes two to make it work... i have also expressed these words to my husband and he says he wants it to work he says he loves me and sometimes he shows it (although i feel he can be doing more, trying harder). It seems to me that i just dont know what to believe any more. for example i told my husband that maybe we should break up. i expressed to him that we both are unhappy with certain aspects of the relationship and we need to discuss what we want to change. he feels i am to insecure and i "nag him" to much( he thinks when i ask him questions such as whos hes talking to or what he's doing is nagging)
wow. writing things out makes things seem much more different. as i sit here and read what i wrote it comes across to me as if he want to do what he wants when he wants but have me too. this i cannot allow... how do i began to make a recovery after this betrayal and poor foundation of a marriage i just want to be happy with my life again.

by erc 2 Posts
Posted on 2/17/2008 10:08 AM

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I thought as soon as he told you he was unhappy and married you for the wrong reasons, another relationship had already started. It takes two people to work hard and build an honest relationship. Nobody is perfect but if somebody loves you they will try.

awat

by awat 5 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2008 3:06 PM

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I'm right along there with you except that I've been in it many more years than you have and have tried to make it work because I love him and also because of the kids. Too little too late I realize that one person can't make the marriage work and in the end the entire family (spouse and kids) are hurt. You think you're doing the best for your family. He has refused counseling also several times over the years and would probably go now because he realizes that I'm tired, drained, and no longer want to try. Don't try to make it work alone and now would be the best time to get out while your child is so young and won't miss that family atmosphere. Also, he probably isn't being totally honest with you and actually has slept with the other woman. If you allow this, each time you go through a rutt he will continue to have an affair because he knows you will allow him to come back to you.

by justagal 23 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2008 2:42 PM

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It's a tough thing. What's more there's no simple answer. I sense that you still want to try, and that you still love your husband it's just that things aren't getting better. It's obvious that it needs to . You both need to work on drawing together, I get the impression your husband isn't trying. He needs to, or it wont work. Should you stay and try more or should you go? That answer is in your heart. If you need help working through that, we're here as your sounding board. Welcome. I hope we can help you find what you need.

by Robert-Boyd 5134 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2008 12:37 AM

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