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  Posted to group - Cheating spouses    <<Previous    Next>>

what does it mean when your husband leaves you(the wife) for the other women?

Need to know why he left me for the other younger women.?What are the reasons why some cheaters stay in the marriage and others leave for the OW?

by niknik   48 Posts 
Posted on 2/13/2011 5:12 PM
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Answers for "what does it mean when your husband leaves you(the wife) for the other women?"  (33) (You must be logged in to answer)

He's a fool for leaving you. Be happy he could be doing you a favor giving you a chance to meet a better man. Be glad that he is gone!!


by ChristinaHernandez   168 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2012 10:41 AM

It is as easily answered as why marriages end at all.  Someone was no longer invested in trying to make it work.  Be it for real or factitiuous reasons, those reasons are enough for that person.  Don't beat yourself up thinking that you are inferior to the OW...you're not.  It's just one persons perception.  Be strong and believe in yourself, you'll persevere!  Hugs!
by RDC   93 Posts
Posted on 7/4/2012 8:54 PM

It is a difficult one to answer. I'm the "rat ass bastard" who cheated. I've been faithful for nearly 20 years of a marriage that is mostly without sex or intimacy, particularly in the last several years since our daughter was born. The last year has been extremely tough and I've been through therapy at her request, made changes to increase my social life at her request, got a part-time job at her request (besides the full-time one I have), lost 40 pounds and exercise regularly. In spite of lengthy discussions with her about what I thought needed to change (intimacy, marriage counseling, etc.) she did nothing. Then this spring I found myself in a situation with another woman I've known as a colleague at work for several years and I discovered all of the things I'd been missing in my marriage. Am I proud of what I did, no. But I can't say I have a lot of remorse as I've really fallen for this wonderful gal (yes, she's quite a bit younger than I, but that doesn't factor into it for me. It could have happened with someone my age just as well). We live 800 miles apart so it's not likely to go anywhere, but wanted to put out there that are 2 sides to every story.
by TJGIND   2 Posts
Posted on 6/19/2012 8:45 AM

I don't think you'll ever feel you know the real answer and trying to compare yourself to someone else is really apples to oranges.Are you alive (albeit barely?)Do you have kids? How are they faring?Do you want to stop hurting and feeling betrayed?DO you want revenge? Do you still love the man? And if you do have you asked yourself honestly why do you once he's hurt you?There were two answers to two questions that kept me alive enough to survive mine. Is he worth dying for or am I worth living for and do I really want my children raised by the bastard? It took six years (with depression) but I did it.
by Bklynmom3   1 Post
Posted on 6/6/2012 6:41 AM


  I have read some of the other replies and I will say that most of them are right but considering yourself lucky and blessed usually comes later once you have went through the grievance process. With that being said I also understand what you are going through. I am sure that there is not much time in a day that you do not ask yourself a dozen questions. I know I asked myself why, what did I do wrong, could I have changed anything...and so on. The truth is you will continue to ask yourself why and it doesnt matter how many people you ask the only person that can answer your question is your husband. Chances are no matter what answer he gives you, you will not be satified. So that just leaves you with more questions and some difficult choices. Which everyone will have opinions about but ultimately you have to look deep and figure out what is best for you. So my advice would be to find a good support group, maybe a counselor to help you deal with things emotionally, and possibly an attorney if you decide to go that route.  Good Luck and God bless.

by cthayer   1 Post
Posted on 4/11/2012 11:37 AM

I don't know what his reasons were, but thank him, because he did you a favor.
by KatiesTheMom   330 Posts
Posted on 3/31/2012 6:46 PM

in this case, i would rather divorce than prolong my life with him. In my country (VN) many women who depend on their husband  for finance , those who are housewifes, accept to share their husband with another women.
by Emely   2 Posts
Posted on 2/29/2012 2:29 AM

There are no reasons for behvavior like that only excuses. LIke You dont ME happy You arent good enough for me, It all Your fault that I have to live like that, YOU are mean and hateful, I hate you

Please take heed that folks who do this are concerned about themselves and are so self imposed that their children do not matter that the only thing that matters.

I have been dealing with this and yes analyzing what you did wrong wont solve anything and certainly wont change anything. I feel bad that you have to go through this and these hard emotions but one thing is for certain you can hold your high in that no matter the difficulty no matter the issue you were committed to your family and you  can know that if you decide to marry again that you dont have to change your ways only your outlook as not everything is as it seems
by gregory1969   1991 Posts
Posted on 2/19/2012 4:05 PM

When your husband leaves you for another women, apparently it means he is done with you and has moved on, you should move on too!
by Jayde   19 Posts
Posted on 12/15/2011 1:35 AM

sorry the link didnt post..i got my divorce done cheap divorce here
by susand61   7 Posts
Posted on 12/5/2011 5:46 AM

it means you need a divorce! don't prolong the inevitable find someone that loves you. you can get a quick cheap divorce here http://perfectiondivorce.com
by susand61   7 Posts
Posted on 12/5/2011 5:42 AM

He's an asshole - first and foremost.
However, consider yourself blessed and lucky to be rid of him that easily.  Him leaving is much better than being stuck with a hateful person that's cheating or that just doesn't love you.  That is misery.  I wish my SOB husband would just leave me already.  I hate him with every bone in my body.  I don't think I could hate him any worse.  If he'd just run away with a mistress, I'd keep the kids, he'd pay me child support - leave me the house - and I could finally live my life and raise my kids the way I want to.
Honey, take advantage of this - and let him go and go on with your life.  Don't look back.
by LittleRed77   207 Posts
Posted on 11/20/2011 11:11 PM

Hi there,
  A while back I was in a group session where this very question came up.  The group was headed by a Psycharist who basically explained that the "Why" and "What if's" are no longer relavant; what is relavant is that you continue living your life as it was meant to be lived, as a gift.  You only have one life here on earth, (unless you reincarnate), so instead of brooding about the why's, take that energy and set off to find the "What is next". 

Go forth and be happy, proud, vibrant, lovely, and caring, and the world will give that same back to you.

Unfortunately, the opposite is IMHO, equally true.

No brooding!
by SmartNSexy   72 Posts
Posted on 8/11/2011 8:00 PM

What it means is that your ex has issues in his own core.  He is unhappy for whatever reason and he is looking for someone to make him happy.  Pity him because he has not learned that happiness comes from within.  no other person can or should be expected to make you happy.  It is something you have to do for yourself.  It might be a myriad of issues, low self esteem, chem dep issues, abuse as a child,  a personality disorder, it could be any number of things.

Learn to feel blessed because you have the power to meet a new person who is whole and healthy and without issues like that.  Once you experience a relationship with someone who feels good about themselves, you will have real love in your life and it will be wonderful.

Cheaters never know how to love themselves and so they lack the ability to love someone else.  You deserve better.

I lived through a cheater divorce, too, and now have the most wonderful man in the world.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I feel bad for my ex because he goes from woman to woman to woman looking for happiness, rather than find it for himself.
by LDMediation   9 Posts
Posted on 8/8/2011 3:55 PM

It means you are now free to make life choices for yourself.

In time you will look back and realize that the marriage wasn't what you wanted either.

Start healing and moving on - do what you want in life now including how you want to raise your children if you have them and just general life choices to workout, or travel, meet friends for dinner, the rest will all come.

You just gained a second chance, even if you didn't plan it, you got it, enjoy it and make the most of it.

What he does with his life started with his choice to leave and no longer has anything to do with you - only if you let it.

by kitty_kdk   16 Posts
Posted on 4/20/2011 1:56 PM

Everyone's story is different...unique...with that do not think there is any clear cut answer....

It hurts and the pain does leave....knowing why.... I feel you never will....when one lies and cheats it shows a part of their true colors so will they ever explain why.....

Take care of you now and do not worry why... for you will never really know....we are here and will hold your hand thru this roller coaster of divorce....hugs to you...we have all thought of this as well and for me and I am at place where....I know longer care why....just know I am better off without him in my life.
by Joyful   2705 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2011 8:17 AM

Hi NikNik -

You asked what does it mean when your partner leaves you for someone else.  It really doesn't mean anything. 

It's possible that for some reason your partner  wasn't a happy person.  He may have been unhappy within himself prior to you meeting him and was looking to you to "fix" him...  which isn't your job. 

Or he may have come to believe that he didn't feel happy with his life any longer and believed that changing partners would fix that problem...  it won't. 

Whatever the issue was that caused him to leave...  it didn't happen overnight.  It developed slowly.  If you take the time to think it through you  may already know the answer.

You lived with him and he may have made the same statements frequently.  They are clues...
I hate my job...  I'm bored...  I'm tired all the time...  I never have enough money...  etc. etc. 

Hope that helped...

Best -
by Lisa Cannon   
Posted on 2/22/2011 1:58 AM

It's probably an emotional decision; don't try and attach too much meaning to it.

I think goldengirl makes an interesting point about regression and arrested development. Perhaps that has something to do with it.
by Natalie   1518 Posts
Posted on 2/19/2011 6:51 PM

Why cannt there be the scenario inwhich the other person just doesnt want to be with the other.   The new person just provides the avenue, so that loneliness does not come.  Maybe there was a belief they could not meet anyone until the other connected.    It is a hard decision to leave..There is a constant " Dont think the grass is greener.  Once a cheater always a cheater."  There is so many more saying.
The world looks upon those who leave harshly so some stay longer than they want to.
by hanks   12 Posts
Posted on 2/15/2011 9:54 PM

Could be any number of reasons ...most of which you will never know and never understand.

Relationships are as complex and layered as the people involved in them.

Why not use the energy on understanding who you are now that this has happened to YOU and figuring out what it is YOU want now.    Nothing he can say or explain will help you with YOUR life now.

Does it really matter?
by timless   1833 Posts
Posted on 2/15/2011 1:59 PM

Your probably never going to find out the real truth. So you can keep on waiting and try to figure it out, or you can get the ball rolling and make your life better. My guess on your situation is that he saw a newer model and decided to go for it. I'm not trying to be crude, just giving an example. Anyways, he'll think his life is better and he's happy. So what's so great about this new girl? If she doesn't have kids and their living the great young couple life...well that changes one day. She'll age, and so will he. Its a relationship that started on a lie so its chances of success are pretty slim. I'm talking about a successful outcome in which both of them are truly happy. She'll probably dump him and move on and he'll be an old miser dwelling on what could've been a great life with you! Now onto some happiness, you....

Here's some things you can do to make yourself better, in no particular order:
-Enhance your career, nothing makes an ex more jealous that your newfound success. Plus you'll meet people who appreciate you that are not only people to date, but people who will expand your social circle and keep you busy in a happy way.
-Get yourself in shape, just like the prior bullet, you'll feel really good about yourself and show your ex that your awesome! Plus you'll feel like you've discovered the fountain of youth!
-Discover some new hobbies, also another way to expand your social network and to do things you've always wanted to do (like pickup tennis, get involved in politics, etc).
-Travel, it'll change you in ways you've never imagined. I'm not talking about getting a 7 night cruise package or staying at fancy hotel in a US city, I'm talking about getting a passport, booking an open-ended ticket to another continent and seeing if you can make it back in a few weeks, in one piece! It'll be an adventure. You'll also realize that this is something you don't need ur husband for!
by hurting_consultant   111 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2011 12:37 PM

He's an idiot.
by bluebird   3248 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2011 11:33 AM

My husband wouldnt leave and did everything in his power to make me so miserable that I would leave him...which I did.  It doesnt change things though. I still question why why why?  He is still with the married women who tore our family apart. Its a waste of your time and life to try and figure out why he chose her. You just have to accept it, as hard as it is and move on. I am still in that process.   Dont get even...Get even better!!!!
by stung06   5 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2011 10:53 AM

Spaz said it all ...

Mine didn't even choose newer sod ... he left for old, ugly sod that looked like it had been mowed wet!  But the sod is rich ... very very rich ... so evidently he's just closing his eyes a lot (comment from his former best friend who thinks he's an asshole)

A spouse who leaves shows more about their lack of character than anything else and you're better off without that kind of person in your life.  I know I am!
by fondlyx2   918 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2011 9:44 AM

I do not know the answer either, my ex got a really beautiful ring and flaunted it about.  I stuck by mine.  It's a little thing calle love.  My ex lacked it.  This nightmare will end.  Be well.
by Jamesalone   4927 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2011 12:32 AM

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