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  Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

She can move the kids out of state, and I can't stop her?

One of the fears that I've had for a long time is that my ex would simply take the kids and move to another state (or multiple states away).  This would severely limit the time I could spend with my kids and in all reality could destroy the relationship I currently have with them.

I guess this is such a real fear for me because my ex has come and out and stated that she'd love to move out of our state as she hates living here.  We live on the east coast, and she was dating a guy who lives on the west coast for the past couple of years.  Lately, she's been ramping things up - telling the kids that they'll be moving soon and that things will get better when they move in with her boyfriend.  

Just last weekend, the kids told me that they won't be moving out there because Mommy and this guy broke up.  I feel like I dodged a big bullet on that one.  But it's still a constant fear.  In one of my ex's many hate-filled rants several months ago, she said that she can take the kids wherever she wants, and there's nothing I can do about it. 


I'm extremely active in my kids' lives and have them almost every weekend.  The kids have their own bedrooms at my place, filled with their stuff.


It would break my heart to go from being with them every weekend, to only seeing them over summer.  Does she really have the ability to up and move them whenever she feels like it?  Don't I get a say?



by Calloway   511 Posts 
Posted on 9/28/2010 2:58 PM
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Answers for "She can move the kids out of state, and I can't stop her?"  (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

No, she can not move your children out of state without your approval or written approval from the court.  My ex decided to move out of state after our divorce, but within 45 minutes and the courts still frowned upon him doing that.  Good Luck and don't let her bully you.
by palady   5 Posts
Posted on 9/29/2010 3:17 PM

Thanks, W2T.  You're exactly right.  Wise advise there. 

Also, if I mentioned any of this to the ex, she would take it as a threat, or me "trying to control her".  I'm not trying to control her - she can move wherever she wants, but the kids stay here.  However, if her big plans fall through, and she stays here with the kids, then it would only add to the animosity to mention it, so why bother?  I know I have that ace up my sleeve should I need it, and that's good enough for me.
by Calloway   511 Posts
Posted on 9/29/2010 10:55 AM

C- I'll give you a life-lesson. I know you probably know this already, but I'll reiterate it as a reminder.

NEVER, EVER, put faith in the garbage that comes out of your ex's pie hole. However, it is ALWAYS best to be prepared. So, hear what she says, plan accordingly, but don't go into a spiral because "she says".

The other part is to NEVER, EVER let the ex know your strategy. When/if the ex screws up and tries to do something like this, it's better if the ex has no clue what you have up your sleeve.

In the meantime, enjoy your kids. Spend as much time as you can with them, and try not to let the idiot ruin your day.
by worried2tears   2308 Posts
Posted on 9/29/2010 9:12 AM

Thanks for all the input.

Madmom, my ex hasn't technically done anything yet, and I know from past experience that she's a big talker.  I was asking more for my own information, to know if what she has mentioned before is really possible and what my options are.

Spaz, thanks again for the info and the great advise.  I can't tell you how much better I feel, knowing that my input is required on the matter, and that I do indeed have some options.  My kids have even mentioned this to me a few times as they don't want to move away from either their Mom or me, so I'm very glad that I'll have some good news for them.
by Calloway   511 Posts
Posted on 9/29/2010 7:47 AM

No, she can't just up and move...she has to get your permission and possibly a judge's as well, your divorce decree should spell it out, if it doesn't - it doesn't mean she can arbitrarily choose to take off, there are laws in place. Some clauses state x amt of days to inform of a move, and that gives you time to go to court to contest it.

if she does up and take off, you file an emergency motion for the immediate return of the children to their home state and temporary custody until it is resolved.

by spaznskitz   11339 Posts
Posted on 9/28/2010 3:04 PM

Ok, I normally would look at this and go, ugh--man problem (I'm having man problem issues) but I feel for you anyway. Go to this blog....chrislawyerblog.com...its for Texas people, but maybe it can still help you. Anyway, he's got all kinds of links to legal forms and you can read what he says about residency restrictions. Just got to find the article. Maybe it will help you locate forms for your state so you can fill it out, turn it into the court ASAP, and get a hearing or at least prevent your ex from leaving without discussing it before a judge.
by madmom   5 Posts
Posted on 9/28/2010 3:04 PM

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