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  Posted to group - Cheating spouses    <<Previous    Next>>

he cheated on me yet he hates me & gives me grief

I still cry over my ex...I miss him and my stepkids. I gave him all of me. Big Mistake on my part...i trusted him with every ounce i had in me. I was foolish in thinking i knew him. Do you really ever know anyone??? He owes thousands on my credit card and he could talk the talk to the best of them everyone loves him. He is so sweet, charming.. another word for SMOOTH.Or full of shit!!!! Court ordered he is to pay off the credit card. I have absolutly no ties to him. i don't talk to him i don't ask for a penny. only to  pay the credit card off he tells me next paycheck then he says the end of the month you have my word. He blows so much smoke up his and everyone elses ass i'm not sure he can tell which end is up. My point is he cheated on me he no longer loved me he no longer wanted me in his life. i am outta of his life i made this divorce very easy for him i walked away from everything, my house, my car, i left the state i don't call him i haven't been an ass in regards to telling him how i really feel about his new whore of a girlfriend living in my house. how the white trash new couple make me sick. i've said nothing except pay the credit card. and in return i get these mean text back to me. why does he have so much hate for me???

what the hell did i do to him??

why do i feel so hurt and rejected every single time he responds to me?? i was not the one who lied , betrayed, cheated and stole and yet he is being a jerk to me??? why am i so hurt?? sometimes i think i still love him? how pathetic is that? i wonder if i will ever have anyone in my life again? i feel so alone?





by niknik   48 Posts 
Posted on 8/4/2010 2:57 PM
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Answers for "he cheated on me yet he hates me & gives me grief"  (10) (You must be logged in to answer)

Narcissist... that is the perfect work for him. It sounds like my stbex is you stbex twin brother. So charming, he spents his entire time trying to make everyone else think he is just the greatest guy. When I asked my stbex why he treats his family like garbage and everyone else even strangers like royalty he answered, "If I can't be myself with you who can I be myself with" I should have ran then and should have never looked back. Yes, they need serious therapy not us. They feel justified to cheat because after all isn't THEIR happiness more important then ours.. NOT...
by SleeplessinMadison   41 Posts
Posted on 8/7/2010 3:27 AM

I meant that I wasn't returning fire.  I wish there was a way to modify our posts on here.
by Calloway   511 Posts
Posted on 8/5/2010 9:34 AM

NikNik, I could've written your story, only it was my ex-wife who did the cheating.  For a long time during the separation and even after the divorce, she absolutely hated me.  She had no problem telling me as much even in front of the kids.  I was and still am so tired of doing damage control with the kids for some rant the ex has without thinking.

For a long time, she could convince anyone that I was the mean, vindictive, evil man, and she was the poor, victim.  It was very frustrating.  But I learned about Low/No Contact and stayed the course.  It really helped when dealing with her txt messages, emails, phone calls, and verbal outbursts in person.  And it infuriated her that I was returning fire, no matter what she did. 

And eventually, she stopped.  She was still angry, but she wasn't getting the feedback from me she wanted, so she gave it up.  Occassionally, she would try to get a dig in here and there, but to no avail.  By then I was seeing that it was working.  Stay the course.

Getting her to pay her part of the marital debt is another thing altogether.  She still has no job, so no way to garnish wages.  I could take her back to court for contempt, but as my attorney pointed out, she's ignoring the court-ordered divorce decree, she'll just ignore the contempt judgement, too.  Eventually, if you keep taking them back, the judge will get upset that he's being ignored, and might order some jail time.  But how much time and $$ will that cost?  Who knows?  I've resigned myself that I'll probably have to pay her share (like I have in so many other areas), and consider it a penalty for being dumb enough to marry her. 
by Calloway   511 Posts
Posted on 8/5/2010 9:33 AM

Thank you for your thoughts...It is so much better when you don' tfeel so alone
by niknik   48 Posts
Posted on 8/5/2010 9:28 AM

I am one year...and 8 months out (away) from my cheater.  It sounds like the same man.  Remember... cheaters are looking for something broken inside of them, it's not you.  Re:  the stepkids... I feel the same loss and lonliness... Couldn't sleep last night so I watched how to teach algebra on the learning channel... thought that would help. Hee hee...  
It's a constant battle to keep him out of my head.  I go minute by minute.  I try to busy myself with bike rides, walks, new people and places.  
I am going to love myself the way I deserve to be loved.I see me in you.  You're not alone.  :)
by TRay2   7 Posts
Posted on 8/5/2010 9:05 AM

He sounds like a classic narcissist.  A lot of us here are experiencing the same thing so keep posting and hold your head up high and with dignity.
by deag   403 Posts
Posted on 8/5/2010 8:29 AM

I completely understand what you are saying! My stbx told our mutual friend yesterday that he "can't even stand to look at me anymore". Excuse me???? I'm not the one who strayed. I'm not the one who treated the other like shit. I'm not the one who used to stay out whenever they wanted and acted like a child and had no responsibilities, yet made themselves sound like the most perfect spouse in the world! No, I was the responsible one at home with the kids, or working 2 jobs to support his lifestyle. And he can't look at me????? WTF!!!!
by changa   75 Posts
Posted on 8/4/2010 7:19 PM

Do what you need to in order to enforce the credit card payment.  Immediately.  How about they garnish his wages--assuming he will keep a job.

Then cut his a** off from texts, etc.  You do NOT have to deal with him any more. 

Be thankful this man-skank is outta your life.  Seriously.
by rubyslippers   2625 Posts
Posted on 8/4/2010 5:57 PM

Hi Niknik....he is being mean to you to feel good about himself.  If you feel bad about it than you just did what he wanted you to do.  And you being miserable is exactly what he wants you to be.  I went through the same thing with my ex where she will dangle the possibility of us reconciling and when I bite, she becomes real mean to me and I could not figure out why she was doing that.  Then it occurred to me and I found out the info almost straight from the horse's mouth.  She told me she was miserable and her life is a living hell right now and I realized the reason she was doing what she was doing was to make me as miserable as she was. 

When I came to this realization, I decided that I was not going to let her affect me anymore and as I made that decision, a big weight was lifted of my shoulders.  Now it does not bother me.  When we talk about our son or the divorce, she tries to interject things to make me react and I just ignore it.  I know that drives her nuts.   I know this is easier said than done but just start ignoring his efforts to be mean and when he starts texting you mean stuff, don't even read it and just delete it.  Believe me it is not as hard to do as you think. 
by Rick900572   548 Posts
Posted on 8/4/2010 5:50 PM

If the court ordered him to pay the credit card bill and he hasn't done whatever he's been ordered to do, he's in contempt of court, and that needs to be dealt with.

You're riding the rollercoaster that is divorce. Limiting contact worked for me. Just the necessities, just the facts. 

Make a list of things you enjoy doing, and start doing some of them. You'll find that your life is full!
by JulieG   5763 Posts
Posted on 8/4/2010 5:37 PM

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