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  Posted to group - What do i do now    <<Previous    Next>>

Would you be roommates with ex after divorce?

Would you ever considering moving in with your ex as roommates after your divorce was final?


Quite a long time ago, my ex was really down on her luck, to the point of moving in with her parents.  The divorce had been finalized about a year prior to this.  Out of the blue (to me), she suggested that we move in together as roommates.  Don't laugh!  She was serious.  One interesting point she raised was that I would get to be with the children every day again. 


I was working at reconstructing my life and just starting to heal from everything, so I said no. 


But I thought it would be an interesting question to post to you guys.  Is this something you would ever consider?

by Calloway   511 Posts 
Posted on 7/20/2010 8:22 AM
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Answers for "Would you be roommates with ex after divorce?"  (18) (You must be logged in to answer)

At first, my ex and I discussed the possibility of cohabitating while we waited for the house to sell. When we moved into this place, we more or less naturally settled into a situation wherein we were living the majority of our lives on seperate floors of the house as it stood, so there didn't seem to be much in the way of need for a change until we could get out from under the mortgage.

However, in the time between our decision to split and now, I've begun to come to the conclusion that no matter how well we're gettgin along right now, if we have to stay in the same spot for much longer, we're going to end up *loathing* one another before we're through, and neither of us wants that.

by carlofthehighplains   17 Posts
Posted on 8/6/2010 5:37 PM

When my brother and sister-in-law were divorcing he moved out. Then he moved back, converted the basement into a studio apartment and that's how they lived. Not sure if they still live that way as I haven't heard from him for 5-6 years. Before she passed, Our Mom tried to explain to me that he just wanted to be close to his kids and "couldn't bear to be a weekend Dad." I'm all, "Yeah cry me a river."

I still laugh when I think about it. So she keeps him in the basement now? He always was a wimp who lacked self respect. 
by brad   322 Posts
Posted on 7/22/2010 10:04 PM

No. For me it would be unhealthy to do so. I could not stay in a home knowing what he is doing in another room with another woman. At least and not have some emtion towards it. That is why I couldnt.
by Tiggerfan   62 Posts
Posted on 7/22/2010 5:32 PM

My ex wanted to do this. I think she just didn't want to have to get a job an support herself. My response was, "Not No! Hell No!"
by halfadragon   36 Posts
Posted on 7/22/2010 3:17 PM

Actually, I know someone in this situation.  Okay, it's not because they WANT it that way, it's because they haven't sold the house yet. 

I couldn't imagine doing that.  For so long just being in the same room with mine gave me the heebeejeebees....and you think I want that back?  Are you frikken nuts?

And, yes, dating would be impossible.  Honestly- what selfrespecting man or woman is going to WANT to be in the house you share with your ex?  None I want to go out with, that's for sure.
by Dactyl   5680 Posts
Posted on 7/21/2010 6:05 PM

I already was his roommate, unbeknownst to me.  That is what he told the OW-that we were living as roommates.  Hmmm-do roommates have sex, make plans to build a house together, take the kids to Disney?  When I had roommates in college, they did their own laundry and grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning.  And I just had a girlfriend finish up her divorce in June and she ordered to leave by September.  His behavior towards her worsened after the divorce so she got out last week.  No friggin way would I room with stbx.  He makes me physically ill when I even see his name anywhere and my kids want nothing to do with him anyway.
by deag   407 Posts
Posted on 7/21/2010 12:40 PM

I was actually asked this by my STBX of 35 years.  After years of his abuse and blaming me for that was wrong in his life; he asked if he could "still live here" adding, "I need someone to take care of things for me."
   If I hadn't already been sure I wanted the SOB out and the marriage over; that would've sealed it..but it did confirm that he was still a selfish, immature excuse of a man.  Last I heard, ('bout a year ago) he was living with his sister.  She can have him!
by Butterflit   21 Posts
Posted on 7/21/2010 9:29 AM

H to the N, not going through this stuff again.  Sounds like a cheap trick to keep the house and get free childcare.
by Jamesalone   4940 Posts
Posted on 7/21/2010 12:53 AM

No.  There was a time, I think when I still held hope that our marriage could possibly be repaired, that I would have agreed even to the roommates bit.  Didn't happen and I'm glad.  Now, he'd very much like that, but I've moved on enough that I don't want him complicating my life.  I'm free to do as I please.  The house is cleaner.  I know that if he was here, he'd contribute little, if anything, and would make huge messes that he'd expect me to clean. 

by stCheshirecat   2620 Posts
Posted on 7/21/2010 12:36 AM

No friggin way....It is done, he walked out on me and our family, and if he "thinks' he made a mistake- YES you did, ass. Too little, too late.
I'd give him a tent, and a bottle to piss in!
by illana   437 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 6:25 PM

No way!  If I want a roommate who lies, cheats, and steals, I might as well find one who's out on Huber.  Because I could trust them more than I could my ex.
by Iam   6961 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 6:06 PM

Only if the kids weren't involved.
by Heartbrokepicker   683 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 2:08 PM

I'd rather be in prison or a psycho ward...
by rubyslippers   2625 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 1:56 PM

We're separated and I'm saying HELL NO!!!  Unless I'd like me and my children to be abused while KING-O sat on his throne.  Yes...the sun shines on his @ss even through his pants!

by sweetpea04   2038 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 1:46 PM

5 letters --N E V E R !!!

I will admit to doing that when he showed up looking and smelling like a street person, after a 6/7 year absence. Why did I? Simple when I told him I would have to think about it, he broke in and promised to kidnap our son. By the way, it was not his house and he never paid a dime in upkeep. Funny what fear will do to your mind.

Since 1986 we were housemates or more like he was a leech and I was his "bitch without benfits" as one lawyer put it.

They are gone, as I learned the hard way, make sure they stay that way. Feeling sorry for them or anything else, is no reason to let them back in your life.  . 


by ak7   640 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 12:45 PM

As Madea would say, "HELL to the NO!"

I would live in my car before I did that, and I really don't care where or how he lives - as long as it's not with me!
by JulieG   5767 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 11:42 AM

on one level i can see where it would seem logical....

but....you both decided to end this marriage and start over...so it would probably confuse things....not to mention scare off any potential dates.....

and the kids would love it....but also be confused right?  you sat down, had the divorce talk, moved out and on...and now you're back....but not together and daddy is dating X and mommy is dating Y???????

how would you both feel when you see the other going out with someone else?...

how would you handle domestic duties...differently than before? 

i see it as a landmine...

by paula1   23706 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 9:42 AM

You're kidding, right?
by Caldwell77   456 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2010 8:49 AM

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