when do you know enough is enough???

I am 22 years old, been married for almost 2 years now. We have an 11 month old son together as well. I live in an un-happy Marriage. My husband is hardly home either out with the boys or doing something other than being home like working on his snowmobile or fishing etc. I complain because hes not home... and its a visious cycle. We even fight physically...my husband has a short temper and it escilates because I dont put up with it. Its alot of pushingand him throwig me down. never actualy full on punches but its him trying to be "the boss". Its an every 1-2 month occurence. However when its good its also good. But its in a cycle for sure. We are going to councilling together once a week but its llike right after the meetings its great for a day or two then its back to disagreeing by the end of the week. I stay because I now have my son and I dont want to uproot him, its comfortable and stable. I know the yelling and such does effect him at this age and he kinda knows what is going on. We mostly fight at night.. I do care for my husband on the good days but I always have in the back of my head I am young.. why do I have to put up with this... but when do you really know enough is enough????

by Bgill23 5 Posts
Posted on 1/31/2008 10:24 AM

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Answers for "when do you know enough is enough???" (8) (You must be logged in to answer)

I love what Trisha said "a husband is not a home improvement project!" I have to remember that.

by Firmfaith 14 Posts
Posted on 2/16/2008 11:10 PM

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IF you love him you need to read the book "Love and Respect"....your husband needs a reason to stay home. In turn your husband needs to know how to love you the way you need to be loved.

by Ajax 2 Posts
Posted on 2/3/2008 11:47 AM

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Sorry to say this but you are in seriouse danger. I think it should be enough the first time he laid his hands on you. It is not safe for you nor your child. On top of that, it is better for your child to leave in a safe and clam environment. If he sees you fighting all the time, this will have a great impact on his life, phsychological and physical. So do what you have to do. Say to yourself, " enough". he doesn't deserve you and you deserve better.

by eva 7 Posts
Posted on 2/1/2008 11:32 PM

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i think I have in the back of my head that he is going to change... I always keep saying this is the last time.. this is the last time. I think I am more scared than anything.. I would have nothing if I left. No money, no car, no nothing. I am a stay at home mom right now, and no where really to stay. I have of course family to stay with that only last so long though. I know its just all my own fears, and I hate to say it but I worry about my husband as well.. if I left I know I would want to take most things with me, what would he have.. its soo silly but I do. I donno just soo confused. I know I shouldnt put up with it but I have no clue what is keeping me here.

by Bgill23 5 Posts
Posted on 1/31/2008 10:43 PM

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I'm sure you've heard this saying: The definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome. We are trained to do things that can't have any other result than what we have now. It's part social conditioning ("You promised for better or worse!") and part fairytale thinking ("Surely someone will come along and rescue me, maybe even some handsome prince!") I echo what jesszula said. Normal life should be happy. Both of you went into the relationship with role models (parents, other relatives). Your son is storing data every 24 hours on you & dad as HIS role models! So it's a family chain. You could be the one to break this sad dysfunctional chain.

by trisha 5 Posts
Posted on 1/31/2008 6:10 PM

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But one thing is for sure: I have been forced to consider why I would be with an abuser. I have spent years researching my own psyche because I knew I was in this awful ordeal as a direct result of how I really was inside -- and I also knew that once I really figured it out, the door would open for me to jump ship. Once you realize that a husband is not a home improvement project (advice someone gave me the day we got married) -- once you accept that reality, you'll see that what is ahead for you is trying to mother someone who never effectively bonded with his mother & can never see you in any other way. Abusers are obsessed with getting back at the original target via a stand-in.

by trisha 5 Posts
Posted on 1/31/2008 5:59 PM

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You already know that enough is enough. "Comfort" is a dangerous place. Everyone who stays because it's 'comfortable' eventually finds out where that road leads. And by the way, my 17 year old son has really developed a warped idea about relationships. Guess how he got that attitude? I look back at the various (golden) opportunities I had to escape an abusive marriage and wonder how I could have just carried on. How? By thinking I was 'comfortable'. By insisting it wouldn't affect our son. It was all just an emotional survival mechanism, like thinking you've eaten when you're starving.

by trisha 5 Posts
Posted on 1/31/2008 5:52 PM

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Abuse is abuse no matter how you try to spin it. No one deserves to be yelled at or touched in such a manner. Please get some help quickly. Even if your son never observes it with his own 2 eyes it STILL affects him!!! What would you tell your son if he were grown and in your situation. It doesn't matter your age....this is wrong and disrepectful behavior. He needs anger managment help and perhaps upping your counseling to twice a week???? Do you have somewhere you can stay in the meantime? Family? A friend? He needs to realize if he wants to keep his family together he needs to work on his temper and anger harder. Please take care of yourself and your son. Happy times are not worth going through being pushed around and controlled over. You need to be happy all the time. Arguing does NOT need to involve control or physical touching such as this. This is not normal. Don't ever think that it is OK or you ever did anything to deserve this or bring it out in him. ***HUGS***

by jesszula 255 Posts
Posted on 1/31/2008 11:09 AM

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