How do I let go?

My husband left me after 13 years...with 4 kids...tried saying I don't love you & never have...then changed it to used to love me but now has no feelings for me but for another woman...it's been almost 2 weeks now...I set in the dark & cried the first couple days...I'd suspected things off & on for years...but did the best I could to just make it work & be a loving wife...he'd refused counciling years ago...now all the sudden it's just over...I'm having to figure out how to make it on my own...with 4 kids...financially & emotionally...& afford a divorce...I hate him for what he's done to me...he's taken awaymore than a third of my life...everything he's ever wanted....I've found a way to get & never ask for anything in return...was just greatful to have 4 healthy babies...now am trying to make myself do stuff for me...& put him 2nd in life...he was upset today when he tried to tell me every other weekend may not work on his schedule for him taking the kids...told him that's his problem...will be for him to decide what to do with them those weekends he's not able to keep them...because my life has to run on a schedule...says I'll screw him up financially trying to put it on a schedule...said that's your problem...says he wants the kids when he's in town...on request...I said...we'll see...I'll try to work on it for the kids' sake...but ultimately...if that's my assigned time...that'll be my decision weather you get them or not. I've decided I'm going to make time for me...get a tanning plan this year...plant flowers wherever I want (he's not here to mow them off) plant a garden...I just have to get through the paperwork part of it...& get child support ordered to help with financial stress...I hurt every day because I still love him & may always love him...every day I'm mad at him for what he's done to me...but it's time I make him my last priority...instead of my first...obviously that's what he's done by having a girlfriend....all I can do is pray...

I'm going through a pretty similar situation myself. I was with my husband since I was 18, and recently found out he was seeing someone else. We were together almost 10 years, and like you, this is my first experience with heartbreak. I just found out about the cheating last weekend, but moved out a few weeks ago (he filed for divorce, lying to me that he felt he had "outgrown me" etc. when in fact he met someone else) My advice is to stay busy. Try and focus on the positive. Are there things you can do now that you are no longer a wife? Talking helps me, I see a counselor on a regular basis, and call friends and talk for hours if I need to. The pain is normal, and I think if we weren't feeling the pain, we would really be in trouble. One of my friends always reminds me, that everyone experiences pain sometimes, and it is how you deal with it that is important.

I know this doesn't help, but I know how you feel. I found out my husband was cheating while I was pregnant with our second child. He probably cheated before that, but I didn't know it. I've not dealt with the "other" being pregnant. That must be awful. The only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve and time to heal. I know it sounds corny, but time will help you get over it. I married my ex at 19, and he was the only man I'd ever been with. We were married as long as you were. My whole world was turned upside down and I thought I would die from the pain of it all. But I got through, and you will too. I'm here if you need to talk. Sometimes that helps. And sometimes it helps to talk to someone who's been there and is moving on.

Than you all for your comments and support. I took a huge chance at joining an online support / resource membership, and I'm glad I did. Knowing that other's can relate and are and have gone through my trials is a huge support. Thank you.

I'm sorry, jrcrzymum. THat's a hard thing to go through. I've been there. I felt the same way when MyUnwife left. We'd been together for 10 years, and I moved to a place where I knew nobody when I met her, and when she left I felt so alone. She was my friend and my confidant. What you're feeling now is normal. It will also go away in time. In time. For now, I would recommend you consider a therapist, to help you let go of the hurt and anger. As you can see from the comments here, there are people here who are willing to Share and listen, it's obvious Susie identifies with you. I would also recommend you look at SuYin's journal and comments. She's a happy mother who seems to be in a good place now, but she was where you are. Her story is different, but as any of us can tell you, the feelings don't change that much. So welcome jrcrzymum. We're here for you.

I am sure this is hard. But you deserve better and you need to tell yourself this over and over. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and puts you first. You need to build your confidence and try and move on. I know you still love him and have shared a lot of time together but he obviously has moved on. You are fortunate to have family and friends to move back to. Lean on them to keep busy and start a new life for your kids.

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