Don't know what to do?I'm moving forward and my son's behavior toward new man is awful.

I really do appreciate all the advice its really helpful. I have thought about counseling and am willing to do that especially if it will help control his anger. I don't want his anger to build up and get out of control in any way. Especially with age and I know this will happen if he doesn't talk with someone about these issues. I have talked with my boyfriend and he said he already planned on taking him on an outting to get to know each other on a deeper level. My boyfriend is from a broken home and has experienced the same things my son is going through right now. He had a few step parents and siblings growing up,so he really understands and knows that its going to take alot of time and patience. I, myself, have never experienced this before,so its a learning curve. Its really difficult just seeing your child go through something that you've tried so hard helping them and they don't want it. Its breaking my heart.But I know we will get through it,its just gonna take some time. Thanks everyone for your support.

HI True2kyblue -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. 

You and your son have been a team for about three years.  You have been his rock when his Dad forgot to spend time with him.  You have been the one to help him feel safe.  You have been an excellent Mom.

Regardless of how wonderful a Mom you have been, you need your own adult life too.  There was never going to be an easy way for your son to transition from Mom and Son... to Mom and new man...   and kids.

Your son needs counseling.  He needs a professional therapist to talk to so he can work through his feelings.   

He also needs you to continue your relationship with your new man and keep on reassuring him that you will never disappear.  Kids think, if you can divorce Dad then you can divorce me too.  You might consider spending a day just with him for every day you spend with all of you together.  That lets him know he is still special.

Giving in to his childish needs would damage him...  he needs to learn that he cannot control everything....  that some decisions that involve other people are not within his grasp. 

He is 10...  it is imperative that you get him into counseling immediately.  Within two years or so when his male hormones begin to flow, he  may spiral out of control if he doesn't learn how to deal with his feelings more productively.

Teenagers who haven't dealt with their anger can become extremely difficult to deal with.  They can act out in dangerous ways.  He is still young enough... get him some help. 

You probably should go with him to some of these initial sessions.  The counselor will tell you when it's time to step out and let the two of them talk. 

FlyingFree's last paragraph is probably right on too.  Keep posting here and let us know how it is going. 

Best -
Lisa

It's natural for him to be jealous.  He's had you all to himself for years and now he doesn't want to share.  Don't try to push too hard or he'll just push back harder.

Kids that age get crazy ideas in their heads and it's hard to dissuade them.  My parents divorced when I was in elementary school.  When I was a teenager, my dad had a steady girlfriend.  One day the gf's daughter, who was about 9 at the time, announced to my brothers and I that her mom and our dad were getting married.  It wasn't true, but she figured that if she told everyone they were, then they'd have to and we'd all live happily ever after.  lol.  My younger brother immediately burst into tears saying, "Now we won't have any fun anymore!"  To this day, I have no idea what he was thinking on that one. 

In your son's case (dad gets girlfriend, dad leaves, dad ignores him for years), it doesn't take too big a leap of logic to understand his fear about mom getting a boyfriend.  No amount of talking to him is going to magically change his mind right now.  He has to see from your consistent behavior over time that you can have a boyfriend and will still be there for him.  Actions speak louder than words, especially with kids.  Be patient, take it slow.  It'll take a while, but he'll come around. 

Some counseling may help too. 

Can just you 3 go on a camping trip or something.  Then maybe your bf and son can go fishing alone and your guy can tell him that he's not ever going to come between him and his mom, that he's not replacing his dad.  Maybe if they just spend a little time alone your son will not see him as a threat.

I hope you all can work it out together.