my wife has been having online affairs.

In my case once a cheat always a cheat.  I tried for two years and repeatedly found evidence there was inappropriate behaviour including physical sex.  Mine should be final within a few weeks and although I know it will hurt when I sign it won't last forever and to stay would be living with the knowledge that it could happen again and probably would at any given time.  I really don't understand the mind of those who cheat and gave up trying.  Moving up and on....

i appreciate the insight and recommendations from everybody.  and im sure that everybody here has felt what im feeling.  its horrible... its the worst thing ever.  i work alot, mabey even too much and the nature of my work takes me out of town or has me working nights time to time.  when im alone, trapped with only my mind... i just want my wife back (of  course, with conditions).  but when i talk about it, i want to leave her.  move away, so i never have to see her with another man... not to mention what images my wandering imagination will conjur.  then i think of my children, and that trumps everything.  i talked with my father in law last night.  he eventually stuck to his neutrality claim, by offering me a trailer to sleep in at their house.  i refused, even though i have no built in support system such as family here.  he told me he saw the email, that she showed him.  i asked him which ones, and then i read just a few pages of the stacks i have.  he was stunned, speachless... only to say thats not the daughter he raised.  i love my wife so much, i dont want to be another statistic, i dont want my children to come from yet another broken home and yet i feel so numb.  ill file, to protect myself.  keep it on the table as a last resort... a nuclear option if you will.  god grant my wife and i the strenght so i never have to use it.  last night i spoke with her briefly on the phone.  im working out of state for the week, and i told her some things that were on my mind.  mainly about her actions and representing the only option i think she has other than giving up the internet all together... complete transparancy.  she still resists, thinks its control... mabey, but i think its the only option.  then i told her that im taking this time to work on myself and if complete transparancy isnt the answer, come up with one... and than i said good night.  this hurts so badly.

You are not overreacting, and there is no such thing as "we are just friends" I hate this damn phrase, Bullshit, and to hell with the peple who use it.  This shit phrase was used on me, the truth comes out.  I know this is the angry part of me typing but I do want to witness Karma do it's thing, and I don't want to see any mercy.  I know one day the hate and anger will be gone, today is not that day.

when i first found out what was going on, i was on a chaotic shedule to say the least.  out of town, or being bounced back and forth from day to night.  when it came to a head and i left, i had been on nights... not easy and imho harder than being out of town.  right now im almot 400 miles away for work, by my choice... i had to get away to think.  when im trapped alone with my own mind, alls i can think about is how its me.  what i need to do to save my marraige.  during these times, i am more than willing to come home with my tail tucked to save something that meant everything to me.  when i talk about it... its a completely different outcome.  when i talk about it, my resolve is hardened.  my course is clear.  the answer to everything is right there in front of my face... move on mister.grass.  but during these moments of levity, i realize that i love her... i want to fix this... what she has done is wrong, but i havnt been the best husband or father.  ive made jokes about crawling back under my rock.  its becomming quite homey.  i really dont care about the 10 year mark for money.  what i care about is my children.  they will be taken care of like they have been off of the strenght of my back and the sweat off of my brow.  i dont think any of this will go to court as of now, i think that she will be cival for the sake of the boys.  so with the 10 years, what does it take?  do i just go to a lawyer and say file right now?  or does every aspect need to be on paper before that?  i will protect myself.  i will get ugly if need be... but i dont want that.  i still love her very much and now im back where i have been over the last several weeks.  hurt, angry and alone.  this fucking sucks. 
sorry for dropping a f-bomb mods...

You are not doing anything wrong by getting information. I would say describing self as obsessed is more an issue. What more do you want to know. Courts do not really care about your info from my experience. Not pertinent unless you are trying to say she is bad mom to get kids.  I suggest you move on quickly and obsess about yourself and how you are doing and the kids.   She chose to be end the relationship. I would not have left the house though. Why should you leave. I would move back and see attorney and he can help you, sleep somewhere you can lock door.

Well she has shown she hasn't been honest with you.  You did not overreact, you had to seek out the truth yourself, and unfortunately (or fortunately) you did find out what she was really doing.

Like Spaz says, you better run,  not walk to a lawyer and at least file before the 10 yr mark.  Even if you're not sure that's what you want to do, I think it would be in your best interest.  Worst case scenario would be to find out your wife was sticking around for the $$ 10yr mark with you and then leave you.  

I wouldn't let her know you're filing, or if you do, don't let her persuade you to not.  You can always renig on going thru w/the divorce if that is what you ultimately choose, can't turn back the hands of time however.  

Also, even if you reconciled....is that the life you'd want?  To be w/someone you can't trust and who's lied to you?   I'm sorry you're in this position but think about it.

No.  I had very similar things happen.  He said it wasn't cheating because they never actually met in person that it was fun online.  My final straw was when I found him looking at personal adds on craigslist.  Sad but true.  I confronted him and he ran, a day later we were seperated.  Its hard to understand why?  What could you possibly get out of an online affair.  I stopped asking myself and realized I didn't want to be with someone who preferred Iming and texting, chatting to talking to a real live person who lives with them.  So I finally let go.  It becomes an obsession for lack of a better word looking to see if they stopped.  You want to pick up their phone and check, and log on to their computer.  The trust is gone they might as well have gone out and had an affair because in truth they did an emotional affair. 

You will get over it eventually with time.  Just know it was her not you.  If she was unhappy at anytime she could have come to you and talked to you not people on facebook or whatever social site she is on.

You aren't over reacting, BUT, unless you have soild proof of her actually meeting up with any of these men and having sexual relations with any of them - the court doesn't deem it as "adultery"...

If you are going to file for divorce do it before your 10 year anniversary...once you hit 10 years it is considered a long term marriage and she could be entitled to more than you want to give her based on her internet infidelity.