Help..

Thank you so much for all your help and your support!!! I tried to repost it in legal but I think i got lost in the links.. I ended up on some page that was asking $40 for asking a question? Anyway, I'm feeling a sense of hope and even a little excitement (especially hearing from those of you that were in a situation like mine and got out)!! But I will definitely do my research. My husband is very good at revenge and if he ever found out I was seriously going to leave he would do everything in his power to make life hell for me and the kids. He hasn't been physical since he went to jail for hitting me in '06. But he's still very unpredictable. Thank you so much!!

I have been in your shoes!  I am now happily divorced!  Follow the advice given here on the legal aspects.  I had no money and was scatterbrained when it came to getting out.  I may well end up losing on the financial end of my divorce (still have 4 mos left of the 1 year "reservation" held in the divorce decree for us to settle our division of marital assets. We're going to court in a few weeks where he's going to try to lift the order for spousal support because the divorce decree didn't reserve my right to spousal support... I say... what ever... bring it on, I no longer fear you or the court!! 

If you seek help from a shelter, you may qualify for legal aid since you are not employed.  You need to get a custody order in place along with an order for child/spousal suppport.  Depending on the amount of support you recieve, you may also qualify for some kind of help from social services.  (accepting foodstamps and temporary aid to needy families  may make you feel funny at first, but it may be essential to your getting back on your feet)  As for your fear of being abandoned by your family if you divorce, remember this much, they don't have to live with him, you do... your sanity and the well being of your babies is more important!! Dissapointing the family hurts, but don't let it stop you from getting out of a bad marriage, that will, by all accounts, get worse if you stay. 

I now have a part time job and I feel so liberated from the mental torture and low self esteem that held me tied to his abuse.  The kids are thriving and facing life like normal kids thier age, no more fear!!    Leaving isn't easy, but you don't have to do it alone.  It may well be the best thing you do for yourself and your kids.  Sorry for the long post, just realize, you are NOT alone!! Hang in there...

Hi Romney -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. 

The first thing you should do is to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  Their web site is  http://www.ndvh.org/ .

They will be able to answer all your questions, provide you with help and assistance if you need it. 

I have worked in shelters for victims of domestic violence.  They are NOT like the shelters for homeless men and women.  In the shelter I have worked, each family has their own room.  They are clean, wonderful places where women (and sometimes men) with kids can receive counseling, find support, get signed up for assistance programs, receive help finding housing and escape from the danger at home.

The group I worked with is called Safe Horizons.  I don't know if they are in your area.  Their web site is  http://www.safehorizon.org/ .

I know you are frightened.  You may even believe that he will try to hurt you or your kids or stop you if you leave or try to leave.  I am a survivor of domestic violence. You can leave.  You can rebuild your life.  It is not as hard as you think.  You will get a great deal of help and support.  

I will post to Spaz's wall for her to give you some legal advice.  

If you want to chat or contact me, leave a message on my wall.

Best - 
Lisa

Mtnvly is right.  You have rights. Don't do anything without consulting with an attorney. Whatever you have to do (borrow the money, take it out of your joint account) make sure that you get good legal advice. This is your life and your children's lives for the 15 years, so don't cut corners.
Please know that you are not the only person who has been in this situation and it is not hopeless.  Come back here for support. I'm sure that you will find women  who have gone through exactly what you are going through.

Post this in legal questions- I would say you need to get out asap! but make sure you are legally protected. You are right! The kids need not grow up around that! You deserve better! Do you fear for your physical safety also?
Your children are young- you have been their primary care taker so there should be allowances for that. Talk to a lawyer before you do anything- Look for Spaznskitz on this site. She is a family law attorney