Some Tough Advice..

i am the leavee in this which is just now begining just managed to get the water and power turned on so soon it is going to be just me and 5 of our dogs   i have cried and begged and  finally realized it is inevitable that we are going to seperate and she is going to get her head together in her own space as she puts it
i keep telling myself never let them know how much they can hurt you    it's hard which is why i found this website   i really dread the thought of not being in a relationship  i enjoy the give and take of day to day living with someone 
i know i will always be able to laugh and enjoy a good day  but  i cloud up every now and then  and it is hard to get out of it  lmao i am not even out the door and already whining   hope you guys can put up with me

Okay, I was the 'leavee' in the relationship. He ' dumped' me 2 weeks  before I left, stating he didn't love me anymore, he wanted a divorce,and comming home HOURS later than usual. Big sign of being replaced. He did everything he could to get me to leave, to the point of using physical intimidation. I had been in a abusive relationship before and he knew this, he knew this would make me run. He refused counseling, so I went alone a couple of times and with help, planned my escape route.It took some time after I left to realize he was a narcisstic sociopath.
In the end, he was telling everyone we knew how I deserted him. Even in emails he had sent to me he always stated the " I left him" . Yes, I'm sure he got lots of empathy from his coworkers and friends. I was the rotten B**ch who ruined his life.

The most ridiculous thing about it was that he actually expected for us to remain ' friends'.....

Oh I so second the keep EVERYTHING in writing. I was told this many many times and didn't. Only 10 months later we are heading back to court, trying to reconstruct the last 10 months from memory is a nightmare.

Good point.  It doesn't work anyway because they left us because of whatever reason.  Do they care?  I don't think so, not at this point.  Mine says he loves me but doesn't love me anymore.  I tried to wrap my head around it but finally let it go because I realize he doesn't know what real love is, he is thinking about the inital infactuation you feel when you start falling in love.  Not the reality of love that you have to work at it and not take all the time, that yes you have to give.
I will admit I do anything to avoid contact with him now.  I don't contact him for anything and luckily within a month it will no longer be necessary to contact him about anything we will be divorced.

Good Post HIC! How have you been?
It is SO easy to try to get them to change their mind! Beg and plead ..etc. We need to be strong- and take care of the most important people! Not the one who hurt us but ourselves and our kids!

For many "leavers", too, the same feelings occur.  I felt a failure for not convincing him to work on the relationship - even though I gave it a year and asked that we go into counseling (which he refused to do because HE didn't have a problem). 

And you are SO correct - only email for important issues because you've got your butt covered.  I actually had to TALK with my ex about something that came up suddenly and I cringed at the thought. 

I also took a shower right after.  :)

Yep, and while that is easier said than done, the sooner you break off all connection, ior have as little contact as possible, that is the best. I have learned that the hard way. At the beginning, I would call him for anything. Now, I'll do anything to avoid talking to him. I don't want anything to do with his life.

True.  : ).
Still, may those who left us burn in hell. I can say that here, just not to him. Ha! I'm going to have to remember that when I get to court.

Words that ring true..I never did beg or plead but what is funny he acts like I do..that makes me laugh!  He calls me a scorned woman...why because I do not say nice things about her?  I want things to be divided equally and won't settle for less? I feel he needs to step up in taking care of our two children? That I am glad I am not another married woman with a married man...ruining/changing the lives of so many beyong the immediate family.  I'm not pleading with you to stay! So sometimes they are those who don't do that, but some ex's that don't want to believe it.  So whatever you say they take in that context...good post!

Only you can prevent forest fires,..............I mean, yes those are very good words to live by, thanks.

wise words :-)