Love and Passion

To paraphrase Yoda, there is no normal; there is only what works and what doesn't, for you. IMHO...

Your partner should be your best friend and your lover. Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship with that lover. But you can also have an intimate relationship with a friend with no passion or sex, and you can have passion and sex without intimacy. If the sex isn't satisfying you it's probably because either he doesn't care to do what it takes, or you are no longer receptive to it. You know which (I'm betting on a combination of both).

Communication is essential to maintaining intimacy whether with a lover or a friend. And many things can get in the way, such as attitudes, distance, and, certainly not least, bad communication skills that make one person or the other uncomfortable discussing differences of opinion.

Many people have gotten back together after being separated for a long time. But they weren't just hoping that "one day" it would happen, like magic. They worked on it, often by going to counseling, either separately or together. Being separated as you are makes it more difficult, but not impossible. But know it won't "just happen".

Can you teach him how to really listen? No. Can he learn how to really listen? Yes. You can lead a horse to water, but he won't drink it unless he wants to.

Lisa made some great comments and suggestions. I hope you take them seriously.

BTW, my first reaction to this post was that you were seeking "approval" from the community to get a divorce. Your questions all have pretty obvious answers, once you get past "normal" and focus on what works, and what doesn't, for you (not that mythical normal couple). Even then, though, I doubt you'll have many black or white answers; there are just too many subtleties in everyone's specific situation. What's a "yes" for one couple can easily be a "no" for another.

Take care,

Sex is a tiny part of the relationship but so wholesome.  It should be kept in it's place, but both should be satisfied.  Communication is the fuel that keeps the union going for decades.  Any mountain can be climbed through communication.  You can restructure your marriage by having a stark discussion.  The separateness is not normal.  We ask for the impossible, end up with the best possible, but you 2 are not even getting that.  There is a problem.  The way we handle our problems define who we are.  Most marriages have trouble in the 15 year area.  So consider that, and the fact that our world has unusual pressures that our ancestors never had.  Life has become more complex.  If there is a tiny amount of love with you 2, try to work it out.  Never bring the past up again, and make changes that will ensure trust and responsibility.  Give it a thought.

Hi MissAldrich540 -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360.

You have posted an excellent question...  what is a normal relationship supposed to look like.   I am going to refer you to a blog I posted previously on this site for your answer.

http://www.divorce360.com/blogs/2009/9/22/lisa_cannon/a-t-t-a-c-h-m-e-n-t-blog-26854

Meantime I would like to address a few other issues you brought up.  

Should you feel like your partner is a good friend but not feel any real passion for them anymore? Is the sex supposed to dwindle to 1-2 times a month and then not be satisfying for the woman?
 
Sometimes it happens.  Most often when partners begin taking one another for granted.

Is it normal for your husband to fall asleep on the couch every night? Is it okay for the only conversation you have to be a 10 minute conversation about work?

Again, normal isn't the issue. It can happen when partners take one another for granted.

Is it normal for a married couple to live apart for over 2 years with the hope that "one day" they might want to live together again?

Sometimes. Again, this isn't about normal.  It's about what is going on in the relationship.  It is easy for partners to stop trying when they see one another everyday.  They get bored, lazy, forget to take the time to make one another feel special. 

You two split two years ago.  Did you get any couples counseling?  I would think that you wouldn't know how to mend the brokenness in your relationship on your own or you would have done it already. 

If you haven't gone to counseling, that is your first step before you decide whether you want out or not.  If he won't go, you go alone. Get some help making this very important decision so you don't make a mistake.  Lots of relationships can be salvaged if partners get some lesso