I just started dating again and it's scary.

It is scary, but maybe you're not really ready yet, either.

I hear what you're saying.  I just started "dating" but it's really friends with benefits.  I'm too chicken to date, because I fear rejection again.  My husband cheated on me and then lied about it and pretended to give up his girlfriend, while telling me that he loved me and wanted me.  but he was different, so checked his phone and found out his plan for leaving me and our daughter so he could build a life with her.  I takes time, and you'll know when your ready.

Oh girl, I hear you!  I am 29 and the first of my friends to get divorced.  My husband ex husband cheated and left march 2008, when our baby was 6 months old and we were legally divorced July 2009. I was willing to forgive him....only he didn't want forgiveness, he wanted out and ot be with his mistress. I have been on a few dates and I find something about these men that just turn me off.  Maybe it's that the comfort is gone.  My ex and i were together for 10 years and the only man I seriously dated.  Anyone else seems strange and uncomfortable.  Now, I have been in a dry spell for a while. I am good at being single, but I am honestly very lonely now.   But I am just so damn picky now.  I need instant chemistry.  Anyways, I have no good advice being that i haven't been on a date since January.....but I want you to know you are not alone.

I think the hardest thing for me about getting back in the dating scene is just the fear of failure again.  It has been almost 2 years but still her the ex telling me about what a failure as a husband and father I was even though I know she couldn't further from the truth.  Have fun just dip your toe in the water if it doesn't feel right pull back out.  You only have to go at your own pace no one else's.

I have been there divorce was finalized in July 2009 but we have been seperated since March of 2008.  I started dating again in June of this year.  What you are going through is exactly what I went through.  Just as with the divorce it self it will get easier as you go on more dates.  It is a roller coaster just like the divorce happy about one week sad the next.  Its all an adjustment period.  Good luck and hang in there.

When I read "...afterwards I just end up missing my EX..." it left me wondering.

Does it really make sense to be missing someone you don't want to be with? I say "no", unless you like being with someone you don't want to be with, perhaps as self-imposed punishment? Let's not go there.

I suspect what you find yourself missing isn't really your ex, but rather the companionship being with someone provides, especially when you are in a good relationship. And that is perfectly OK. I think everyone who has ever experienced even a fleeting good relationship misses it if it's gone. I know I do (although I'm lucky enough to now be dating someone who might fill the bill).

Remember self-talk is most important, so when you find yourself thinking/feeling you miss him, tell yourself "No, I don't miss him, I miss being in a good relationship, and that is why I'm dating again."

But from what you wrote, I'm feeling a bit of "Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!"

By that I mean if going on a date, however good or bad it ends up being, leaves you feeling a loss, or a void (which is what missing something really is), you may be very vulnerable to entering into a relationship that's not so good just because it will fill that void. Please be careful of that. To me, it's the most scary thing about dating again. And I speak from experience; my current STBX is someone I should never have married, but I did because she filled that void. Bad move!

I now believe you have to be happy with yourself as a single person before you're ready to do more than casual dating. Sure, you are going to miss being with someone; I hate living alone. But you have to really know that you can live alone and still be happy. Then, when you date, you won't be "missing your ex" after you say good night. And you'll find casual dating can be fun without focusing on "is he the one?"

Take care, and don't be scared, be aware.

I think once we go through divorce our sense of what we want from a relationship is sharpened. For me, initially, the feelings were like yours, everyone seemed so different, so many things I hadn't even paid attention to were different, and it made me long for the familiarity of my ex. But, as time goes on, I'm losing the 'I miss my ex' feeling and am a lot more attuned to the 'ooooh, you're kind of strange, and not in a good way' feeling than I was before. It's good to be selective, IMHO hang onto that, it'll serve us well as we begin to meet new people.

I guess you couldnot forgive your ex for cheating.  Maybe you still love him?  It's just as hard to divorce as it is to reconcile.  Dating again, of course it's scary.  The mental connection is most important, it's communication, and it fuels a relationship for decades.  Get that, and all the other components fall in place.  Sex is a tiny part of a relationship, but it's so wholesome.  Don't throw it around randomly.  Do your best to know a person, gain trust, then committment.

You are right! It is scary for all of us.
 I would say that you still care about him- and at this point feel like you are being unfaithful to him. That commitment you made to him is still there. It is a hard thing to get past!
 Hang in there! It will get easier! You will find someone..and your memories of him plus your thinking about him will decrease.
It is funny- you are 28 & I am 45 but we are dealing with the same thing. I found that when I divorced some(many) of my married friends didn't want to hang out with me. Either hubby was afriad I would influence the wife or the wife was afraid I was going to go after her hubby. What a real joke!  We feel like the odd man(woman ) out.
I am finding new friends. Still have some of my married friends that were secure in their marriage..
It will get better- and easier!