Don't want to be a dick...buttttt...

Keep ignoring her. No one said you have to be friends, cordial but that is it. Nothing more. Keep it to email and nothing more than that.

And what will you do with that sharp stick?  Where will you shove it?
HIC, I'd bet that someday way down the road you will make a decision that you want to have a more friendly relationship with this woman. I say that because you really do care about your son and that's what will be best for him. In the meantime, I totally understand and support your actions.  As long as it is about setting boundries and not punishing, you do what you feel like you need to do.

An olive branch?  I will whittle it into a sharp stick.  I have no desire to have any interaction with this person other than an email.

Last night my son sent a text message to me which contained a message from her asking me to do something.  I don't answer messages where my son is used as a tool to convey these things.  It is plain wrong.

Forgiveness they say is paramount in healing, however at this point in time I do not forgive someone who has handed over confidential CFI documentation to my son's school officials, run off to be with her boyfriend and taking my son to be with her sister without telling me where he is, and breaking the heart of both myself and my son.

No.  There will be no accepting of an olive branch.  I respect your position, however in this scenario what she has done does not warrant forgiveness.  Let God do the forgiving, and I'll take care of the rest.

I understand your feelings - but perhaps she is attempting to extend an olive branch to you so that you two can communicate pleasantly about the children.
It does not help anyone to be angry and beat her with it. You must still parent effectively, and its to your benefit for it to be tolerable

can you block who im's you?  When I have to deal with me ex, I want it to be by email and on my schedule. That way I can always think before I react or I can decide not to react.

One more thing "HUGS" to you, take care of you & your son...I know how you feel.  Better days are coming..ignore her, for the sun will be shining on you!

I personally feel that I could never be on friendly terms with the one I refer to as the o/w . I have the type of  personality that could not hurt the known..or unknown..how ever you want to term it.  The o/w knows I exist, that I have two children in college, I know that she has a husband and one son from a former husband.  Her son does not live with her.  He can tell me why the son does not live there...and I think I will never really know.  Two sides to every story..hers as well as mine.  But, I know I could not find a place in my heart for someone like her, yes, without even knowing her.  I feel I am a different type of individual, I won't bad mouth here, but, I know me.  I could not try to reach out to someone knowing I hurt them, their children (if they have any) and the extended family on both sides and the friends they have together. I would not be able to sleep for I would not feel happy about my triumps.  I would not feel good about myself...but, that is me and it is a quality I will always be happy to have.  No one has to stay in a relationship because they are unhappy...but I feel take the honest way out..one that you can wake up with and feel good about.    So, because of the way I am, I would never want the o/w to befriend me..for they you do not have the qualities I value in a friend.  That is your son, and you care & love him..you did not cause the pain.  And you are not like her...ignore her if she causes pain...sometimes silence is "golden".  I am glad you vented..this gave me time to think of how I would react...and I can say...nothing..I would not respond at all.

Stay strong! She's either lonely, having second thoughts, feeling guilty, or some other emotion that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.

If you really want to explain how things are, I think Lisa says it extremely well: "Thanks for the call/text/whatever, but I have to be honest and tell you that it's just too early for me to consider friendship. Maybe someday..." I think that's totally reasonable, it's not emotional or confrontational, and I don't see how she could object.

I could agree. I have two children by my ex and still have that burning question, "how in the hell could you screw me and your children over for your own selfish needs" It is this question, that I even though I have the answer too that keeps me not wanting to be his friend.

Don't get me wrong, I have chosen to be cordial and for a long while I mistaked cordial as being friends (read my earlier posts). But yes, its too soon for us to TRULY be friends again. Our conversations now revolve around the kids only and that is becoming less and less frequent. My sister kept telling me "its too soon, its too soon, give yourself time, it is possible that you will become friends again but give YOURSELF some time". I finally got when he actually approached me with wanting to be friends and couldn't seem to understand why I didn't want to. My reasons to him were exactly yours, "you hurt me in more ways than I ever imagined and it will take a long time for me to consider being your friend again" My mom told me just today, that they like to be friends or feel like they are our friends because it helps relieve their shame and guilt.

Go with what you feel, allow yourself to feel those feelings, you will know when the time is right to become her friend if you ever choose to do so!

Hi HIC -

It's too soon for you and your former to be friends.  You need time to heal and recover.  I see no harm in limiting your involvement to communication over necessities.  If you and she can be civil at those time, I think that is more than reasonable.

Best -
Lisa

Most people who say things like "You should be friends for the sake of the kids" have very often never been in your shoes.  After a deep emotional hurt like this, you will not bounce right back.  Period.  It hurts.  People expect you to be running at 100% right away.  Well, that's simply not going to happen.  I read somewhere that during the initial stages of separation, your emotions ALONE are taking up 85% of your energy on a normal day.  That means everything else you has to come out of the remaining 15%. 

The bottom line is, you don't have to be on "friendly" terms, if you don't want to.  It's your life.  It's time for you to start living for you again.  If sometime down the road you decide that you do want to be on better terms, you can always approach it then.  If not, that is fine, too. 

And as always, feel free to vent here.  It's a great place for that.

I totally understand your feelings and feel free to vent. While I was going through my divorce, my ex "assumed" that we would still have family holidays together and still be one big family (we have a 20 year old son) even though he cheated on me with a woman he brought to our house while I was supporting him all winter AND he got me to loan her money. Now she is basically living with me. HELL will freeze over before I ever celebrate a holiday with him. The next time I see him will probably be our son's wedding, which I'm praying is a way off. I too don't "want to be friends" with my ex. He hurt me horribly and is an a**hole and I want nothing to do with him. And everyone says "you have a child in common so be nice". Well I'm sorry but I don't exactly feel that way. I did nothing to deserve what I have been put through, just like you, and don't feel like being all "Friends" and "Nice' with someone who caused me a lot of pain and suffering, and I am still going through it on a daily basis. So vent away. There are lots of us on this board that feel the same way. Yeah, it's great if you can split up and be friends but when one spouse betrays the other so bad, and hurts the other so bad, I don't think it is possible ever, or at least not for a hell of a long time, to be cordial and friends. So no, you don't have to be friends with your ex or even acknowledge her presence on this earth.