Ok Separated... Now What??

Thanks you guys,
Sometimes you know what you have to do, but emotions make you think it over and over. I do appreciate all the comments. I think it's time to get my head on right.
                                      

Hi OneGr8Rn -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. 

You said in your last post that you thought his deployment would be a good time to get some counseling and get your head straight.  I think you hit the nail on the head. 

You can get divorced any time.  Get yourself a counselor you can talk to and whom you trust.  Once you figure out what you want and you sort out your feelings you will be able to make a decision without any hesitation.

Take the time to practice self care.  You never know what will happen.  You can always file when he returns from his tour. 

Good luck and keep blogging here.  If you want to chat, I am here.

Best -
Lisa

If you guys just had disagreements over things like money, how to raise the kids, etc. and he wanted to work it out via counseling and you did too I would say wait.

However, even when your husband was home a few days a week he was carrying on an affair.  He lied to you about his whereabouts to spend time with another woman instead of taking care and spending time with you and the children.

That said, and unless things have dramatically changed since that time (he ended the affair, you all have been making a go at the marriage), I would persue with getting the divorce.  Get your legal things in line and take the first step towards getting a divorce.

I hope all works out for you, take care.

I don't have any first hand knowledge with the deployment factor, but it sounds like your husband has cheated on your, either emotionally, physically or both. I dont' honestly think it matters which one, it is still cheating. But I do know for a fact that my husband told me last March tht he "wasn't happy" and was "thinking about divorcing me" and I was so desperate. I cried, I tried everything to save my 21 year marriage and swore I wouldn't be the one who filed. Well in the end I filed when I logged onto myspace and found my ex's girlfriends website (thanks to a friend's suggestion) and saw pix of my ex with her in intimate settings. Right then and there I had no doubt - it was over. And the whole time he kept saying to me "you're really gonna do this." I told him "no, not if you give up the skank" and he said no, I had no right to ask him to do that, so I divorced him. Got the atty and took care of business. Did it hurt? Yep, but honestly once I made the decision, my atty had made it clear that at any time we could put a hold on it and we could try to work things out. That wasn't going to happen becuase the minute I found those pix, my marriage was over and I kicked his ass out. I was done. So honestly hon, follow your gut. Truly listen to your gut cuz I ignored mine so many times in those first few weeks, thinking I really stood a chance at saving my marriage when there wasn't a chance in hell of saving it. It was over. And now I'm moving on and honestly, I am so much happier in my life right now. Someone posted a blog about what can you do now that you couldn't do before you were divorced. My list goes on and on. I am so freakin happy now, happier than I have been in about 15 years. I stayed married cuz it was the right thing and I believe in monogamy and marriage but not in the terms my ex did. So keep us posted but listen to your gut. It will lead you and you will know when enough is enough.