Need advice....PLEASE!!!

I had planned on filing divorce the end of this month, however, I went on our PC here at home ( i NEVER use the pc~only my laptop) but for some reason, I felt I should dig around on the PC. What I found shocked me! Various pictures & videos of me, he and I together (yes...sexual) and I had NO idea any of this existed! I couldn't figure out how he got these w/out my knowledge, so I then went snooping around our bedroom and couldn't find anything in the closet, the room itself, so I went to his dresser. The upper portion of the dresser is an armouire and holds all his sweaters, shirts,etc. and he has ALOT of them. He had rigged the cam thru the back of the dresser and had the "eye" of the camera peaking out from between two shirts. I cannot believe he is that sneaky!!! I never put his clothes away, as it's been my habit to do the laundry, then lay the kids piles as well as his on the bed and they can put it away themselves. Anyway, being the dummy I was, I blew up and confronted him. He just laughed and said not only that he didn't care if I knew, but that he's burned all the images/video's and has no problem placing some of it on the web. It's basically blackmail....but how can I do anything about this? Is there anyway for me to find out what all he has out there of me/us?? This is making me crazy inside! I do NOT want people seeing me in that way! I'm so angry right now I can't sit still. It's one thing to handle this guy's disgusting behavior w/ his affair, but now secret photo's/videos?? Please....if anyone has suggestions?? I really don't know what to do or how to proceed from here!

by tlza4 56 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2009 3:51 PM

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Answers for "Need advice....PLEASE!!!" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Lisa Cannon
Divorce Coach
571 Posts

Hi Tiza -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360.

I suggest you follow Spaz's advice immediately. Get yourself to the police station and press charges along with the restraining order.

I would also suggest you find a way to get some proof of the stuff that you have found so far... copies of CD's if you have found them, copies of web pages saved on a computer that is not in your home... so he can't destroy it... in case he gets wise and tries deleting this stuff off the web to avoid arrest. If you can, take a photo of the way he set up the camera in the bedroom to show how he got the photos without your knowledge or consent.

This is a betrayal. When the smoke clears you will need help dealing with all the emotional trauma you have suffered. Find a counselor and get some help.

I am saddened by his callous behavior. If you want to chat, I am here.

Best -
Lisa

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by Lisa Cannon
Posted on 10/23/2009 1:14 AM

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When you contact the cops - make sure you let them know he was videotaping the CHILDREN CHANGING as well...they will take it a lot more seriously if they know he involved the children in his illegal activity.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2009 5:23 PM

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Ilinois statute 720 Ill. Compiled Stat. Ann. 5/26-4(a).

It is ILLEGAL to “videotape, photograph, or film another person without that person’s consent in a restroom, tanning bed or tanning salon, locker room, changing room or hotel bedroom,” or in their residence without their consent.

call the police - have a restraining order issued against him to get him out of the house and the police to confiscate any and all materials he has an PRESS CHARGES.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2009 5:21 PM

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BMan~yes, he had an affair 3 years ago and it last for 18 months. Ihave no idea if he's involved w/anyone right now, as there is no basis for me to trust any of his words or actions. I just got burned one too many times. But some of these pics I found go back 5-6 years!! I even found video's of me changing the kids on our bed, just laying there watching t.v. I mean, I just honestly don't know how long he's been watching, getting pictures, video's etc. and I certainly don't know if he's hidden more, posted anything I don't know about. It's all too surreal to me. Everything I thought I've known/trusted in this person has NEVER existed. I just feel incredibly dumb, foolish, naieve, etc. Was I really this blind??

by tlza4 56 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2009 5:05 PM

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by tlza4 56 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2009 5:05 PM

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Wow!! That is terrible!! I'm sorry that your attached with such a jerk. I'd obviously recommend you contact a lawyer immediately. There's no way to go about this without it becoming ugly. Your lawyer will probably have to threaten him, but with the both of you living in the same house? Did he have an affair and you caught him, then you found this other shit out?

by BMan2112 20 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2009 3:55 PM

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