Does financial abuse count?

Hello Carlly:
It was your question that brought me here.
My situation is that my wife is divorcing me and I am the one who has been financially abused.
She moved in with her father to care for him, but it appears she has been building herself a nest egg for years.
She took control of the family money and did not pay the bills for our home.
I have survived for years on a $100.00 per week allowance.
In 2006 I earned more than $100,000.00 by putting in more than 450 hours of overtime, and I am screwed in terms of my earning  potential.
She too is suing for temporary Alimony and has a lawyer as well as 2 future houses.
Every penny I have earned sinse has gone to pay off the dept she created and I have no resources to defend myself and barely enough to eat with.

couldn't tell you exactly - it depends on the factors of the case - if it is coined rahbilitative, it could be earmarked to when he hits a certain salary, or it could get calculated by how long he has been unemployed vs your salary and all of the other assets & debts...there are a lot of ways to work it.

I'd balk if you had to pay him over a year though - he hasn't been unemployed THAT long and has marketable skills...6 months is about all I'd probably put up with if I were you.

oh my, your situation does suck. One thing, I dont know if it matters, but do not share custody of your kids!  I live in PA too, and had a friend in a similiar situation. Her husband got joint custody and now she has to pay alimoney and child support! 6 months later and she has lost her house and is filing bankruptcy. All because he is a loser and she was a responsible person.

Oh yeah, How long could "temporary" be?

Yep - that's what it will be!  Yesterday, he applied at Shop-n-Save!  I understand the econmy and all but how does a man go from bein a Sales manager and then president of his own company to "Welcome to Walmart!"

I can't help him. 

Thanks for the humor!!!!

He's going to have to work - he won't have a choice. Even if you are ordered to pay spousal support for a time it won't be permanent - just temporary....

I see it now....

"welcome to wal-mart - can I get you a cart?"

Thank you so much for your reassurance.  He's been completely unemployed for 21 months now.  And prior to that, probably didn't bring in a dime of income for more than a year, rather spent our life savings, pretending to pay himself. 

Supposedly after 5 months he gave up on his business.  His brothers and others think he is not getting any sort of job as a tactic so I won't leave him.  My brother thinks he'll never work again.  He is 57.  I am only 42.  I can't afford spousal support as I can't even pay my bills.  We once went from having $100,000 in the bank to me now having a $75,000 mortgage, a $20,000 college loan and credit cards are approaching $7,000.    I only make $46,000.

He has nothing and gives nothing.  It just doesn't seem fair.

I just wonder how I am ever going to support my family.  I can't support him too.  I'll end up in some shack somewhere
and that's what hurts.  I don't care about me, but my kids.... It breaks my heart.  I'm thinking very hard about what I can do to supplement my income - maybe do some freelance work.

But, I've got to do something.  Yet, he still says he loves me and we're going to have a happy family **#*####***

Let me reassure you on something - you will get your divorce. Try to mediate with him a bit, but don't drag it out, if he refuses to settle you take it to trial and just let the judge render a decision and be done with him. He won't have a choice.

Understand something, right now, you are a lot farther along mentally in this process than he is - you are ready for it - he clearly isn't - he's in the denial phase and it is just a process he has to go through in his own time - not unlike you did. Do you know if he has even consulted an attorney yet?

 

I think as far as his threat about telling the kids they are the grounds, that was more of an intimidation tactic than something he'd really do. As a precaution though, you might want to get the kids into counseling to get a head start on dealing with any of his stupidity if he happens to show some. The class you have to take SHOULD temper him a bit on involving the children in anything, but make sure in your temp custody agreement it is stated that the kids are left out of it - and nothing negative gets said to them.

If you aren't granted sole use of the home, then you are going to be stuck living with him through this. In that he has zero income, it is going to be hard to get a court to force him out - he can't support himself - and that will lead way to you having to pay some sort of spousal support, at least temporarily. Be prepared for that.

If he still insists on trying to make this business work, and won't get a real job during this divorce process, then that is when your earnings capabitly comes into play - how hard you push brings it to a forensic level or not.

Part of the plan is to demonstrate earnings capability.  What do you mean by forensic evidence of job search.  Should I been doing something about this now?

indignities that render a spouse's condition intolerable & life burdensome"....

This is some of the language in the filing.  Also there's language anbout the children's welfare.  Not having it in front of me, I can't tell you exactly.

For the first five months of him being "quitting the business", I truly did not know he wasn't looking for work until I went on the the computer to see and he had all of these emails that indicated he was still trying to ressurect his business, and not one that he was looking for a job.  What I found in his file labeled work was internet porn files!  He did update his resume, but there's nothing.  Ny husband is very meticulous and would have printed out jobs he was applying for.  This is partly what raised the red flag.  Eventually, he admitted it to me.

So we are going to class this week for the child custody with a mediation scheduled for November 17.  He insists we are not getting a divorce.  He also told me that if I pursue this he will tell the kids that I am using them as grounds for divorce and they will have this guilt for the rest of their lives.

So what happens if I don't get granted custody or sole possession of the property?

Can I ever get out of this marraige?

How confident are you with your attorney? Reason I ask is that even if you don't use it as a primary ground for divorce, doesn't mean it can't still be brought into play - his financial misdeeds can be a huge negotiation tool if handled right.

A good attorney can make swiss cheese evidence appear to be sharp and solid cheddar....

If he goes after spousal support you counter with him being purposefully underemployed and demand a full evaluation of his skills and forensic evidence of his job search.

Spaz,

It really stinks that because I trusted my husband of 16 years and I believed him, I allowed it to continue.  In taking the mortgage in my own name, all I was trying to do was protect the home for my kids.

I am actually filing under the points you made above, irreconcilable differences and my children's welfare.

In the spring, my 12 year-old son ended up hospitalized because he wanted to kill his dad and then commit suicide.  He had a plan.  So, I said not on my watch and took him to the ED, which led to a hospitlization.  They filed an abuse complaint with CYS, but when they came out to talk to my son, he wouldn't talk much and it was dismissed.

I have a feeling that even though my husband has financially and emotionally abused all of us, he will get away scot free, because he's smart enough to pull back before pushes someone over the edge and can be implicated.

eh...in a long shot attempt it could be...it could possibly fall under "indignities that render a spouse's condition intolerable & life burdensome"....but the argument isn't going to be air tight because a) you knew about the business venture & b) by "forgiving" his wrongdoings and giving him chances, you by default, somewhat condoned it. c) instead of leaving, you made financial choices to compensate (that you didn't HAVE to do) so you brought some of the burden on yourself....

 

The burden of proof would be completely on you to also prove you really didn't have any idea he wasn't looking for work but was instead trying to continue his business.

What grounds did you file under to start with?