How can I get her back - follow Up

Hi Petit -

Every situation is different.  What works initially may not work over the long run.  My son's Dad and I initially took turns with the holidays, one year him, one year me, or when there were multi-day holidays we shared the time...xmas eve with me Dad picked him up xmas morning at 10am...  I got up early to open gifts before 10am.  It worked out. 

Birthdays didn't matter because we had set days.  M,W,F,Sat night with Dad, T,Th,Sat day and Sun after dinner with Mom.  It was more about school.  Any school night he slept home.  Weekend nights he could sleep over Dads.  Birthdays he was wherever he was on the day.

Property division was easier, we shared whatever was marital property, did a QDRO for his pension - I don't have one - each kept our own 401K and $$.  We had no debt and no real savings other than retirement accounts. 

I bought him out of the house at fair market value.  He took whatever was his stuff out of the house within the time allotted, 2 years, while we got the house appraised and the paperwork done. 

As my son got older and didn't want to adhere to the schedule, he arranged his time with his Dad on his own. 

As regards trying to keep his new partner from my son....  I didn't.  I decided that his father probably cared for his welfare as much as I did and I has to trust his judgement.  Sometimes I was unhappy with individual experiences, but overall it worked out.  His gf is really a lovely lady. 

Your situation is quite different in that area, so you will need to deal with the bf in a different way.  Your attorney probably has more of an idea how to handle those issues.  When your children get older there will be their own desires becoming a part of the overall decision. 

Good luck.  Hope this helped.
Lisa

I don't think you can make it so that her bf doesn't come to bdays, sporting events, even holidays.   You may eventually want to have split bday parties (unless you both agree to both show up solo) but I think as you both move on and other people enter the picture this may not go over as well. 

Who knows, in a few months or a year you may have a gf who you love and she wants to be there to share things w/you and your kids too.

You can't dictate who she has around them after the divorce but you can stipulate there are NO overnight visits with anyone of the opposite sex. Splitting things sounds good the way you are suggesting. I am posting a comprehensive parenting aggreement given to us by spaz..a family law attorney on this site. Print it out and use what you like- realize that it covers many areas that may become problem areas in the future.
Hang in there! I know it is hard for you to think about another man around your kids but there is not much you can do about it- only make the best of your time with them!
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dc876ktm_9d4mq6f2s