when did you know (feel) you were divorced (or marriage was over)

You know, come to think of it I first thought it was over when I'd cook dinner and he'd do dishes like we usually did, but he'd begun to make a point of clearing everything from the table and cleaning everything in the kitchen, except for my place setting.

I first knew it was over when he announced there was someone else, his GF called our home phone later that night, he took the call in the backyard, and was out the for well over an hour...then, when confronted about his, he told me that it was okay, he'd asked her to call.

ooops, sorry for duplicates.

I was in a nasty bicycle accident last Fall, I hit the pavement hard and was knocked unconscious, and my bike was destroyed.

I'd just moved here to this new city and knew no one, didn't even know where the hospital was.

The street was empty and dark and no one was around/stopped to help me.

After some time I came to and had to carry my broken bike almost a mile back to my apartment, log onto the computer to figure out where the ER was, then drive myself there.

Then, after waiting two and a half hours without being seen (glad I'm paying so much for health insurance), I drove myself back to the apartment, cleaned the wounds on my face, hands and arms by myself, then called an old friend in another state, asking if she'd give me a ring every so often, just to see if the concussion had turned into something worse and I needed additional help.

Almost a year later, the accident left me with a few deep trenches in my beauty's field, but I survived it without calling him and that showed me that I could handle things on my own.

I was in a nasty bicycle accident last Fall, I hit the pavement hard and was knocked unconcious, and my bike was destroyed.

I'd just moved here to this new city and knew no one, didn't even know where the hospital was.

The street was empty and dark and no one was around/stopped to help me.

After some time I came to and had to carry my broken bike almost a mile back to my apartment, log onto the computer to figure out where the ER was, then drive myself there.

Then, after waiting two and a half hours without being seen (glad I'm paying so much for health insurance), I drove myself back to the apartment, cleaned the wounds on my face, hands, and arms by myself, then called an old friend in another state, asking if she'd give me a ring every so often, just to see if the concussion had turned into something worse and I needed additional help.

Almost a year later, I've still got a few scars, but I survived it without calling him, and that showed me that I could handle things on my own.

I was in a nasty bicycle accident last Fall, I hit the pavement hard and was knocked unconcious, and my bike was destroyed.

I'd just moved here to this new city and knew no one, didn't even know where the hospital was.

The street was empty and dark and no one was around/stopped to help me.

After some time I came to and had to carry my broken bike almost a mile back to my apartment, log onto the computer to figure out where the ER was, then drive myself there.

Then, after waiting two and a half hours without being seen (glad I'm paying so much for health insurance), I drove myself back to the apartment, cleaned the wounds on my face, hands, and arms by myself, then called an old friend in another state, asking if she'd give me a ring every so often, just to see if the concussion had turned into something worse and I needed additional help.

Almost a year later, I've still got a few scars, but I survived it without calling him, and that showed me that I could handle things on my own.

i just initiated divorce, but when *part* of me accepted the marriage was over, was when i logged into the spyware on our home computer and found he had contacted around 30 women for instant sex on craigslist 2 days before.

i literally got up, said "well that's that then"... then started calling round friends, truck hire etc to get moved. i emptied my stuff from the house before he got home from work the next day.

i filed divorce last week when i found out he'd done the exact same thing to his ex wife, and my therapist said (again) (reiterating 3 of our 4 marriage therapists...yes, i know) - that he is a pathological liar and literally a danger to me and any woman who dates him.

After months of soul searching and trying to decide what to do and what is best for my mental well being and my children, I just kept praying for a sign... and I am not a big religious person but that was all I could think of.  My husband had been out of town for 5 days and the entire way to the airport to pick him up, I kept saying to myself "give me a sign, give me a sign".... I met him at the gate and he walked right by me... no hug, no kiss, nothing... and then I tried to help him with the luggage, he brushed me off.  That was my sign.  Several weeks later after noticing no change, I brought up the "pink elephant" in the room, and suggested he move out.

abrenner, you better for leaving him. No one needs a man like that. May he never have prostate cancer.

I drove myself to the hospital. I was curled up in  bed with fever, intense stomach pain and running to bathroom with pain. 

I called the physician and he told me he would meet me at the hospital.  Husband never offered to take me. He sat instead watching tv. 

As the doctor interviewed me he asked if my husband was with me.....I replied, "I don't have one." At that moment that is exactly how I felt....I don't have one.

His excuse?  It was late and SOMEONE had to watch the kids. Mind you we have good neighbors and a 14 year daughter.  It was 9:00PM. I remember because 20/20 had just started.

It was over that night.

abrenner:  NO EXCUSE, non what's so ever, you choose a way tolower your odds.

Was this man a CONTROLLER?  

For a person to say somethingsuch as THAT shows real lack of respect for HIMSELF,  it also points to his anger at what you did, I assume he was not in agreement to your decision.  

He is the one who cannot have REAL SEX!!!!

YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITH HIM.  

I believe we all reach a different point in the marriage or divorce when we realize it is really over.

I have been married close to 20yrs to a emotionally abusive man who I gave my love, dedication & devotion to.  When I finally realized I could not make this person love me or want to be married, I started getting healthy.  
You are the only one who can say it's over, it is something you feel deep down inside of you.
It is when the love for them slowly turns into a love for yourself and your wellbeing.

I knew it was over when I made that first decision in the whole ordeal. Until I knew I was done, it had been my husband calling all the shots and stating what he wanted. After separating and sort of dating for a few months,  I realized it wasn't what I wanted at all. As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was over...and the right thing.

I knew it was over the moment he told me he was divorcing me because he was in love with someone else...I knew it in my head, I knew him well enough to know he had already made his decision and nothing was going to change his mind but I kept trying anyway...When the holidays last year came and went and I saw that he did not even attempt to see his children for those events, I knew I wouldn't take him back...

I remember that feeling of having no one to call when I went on vacation with my dil she called my son, her mom called her husband and I stood there thinking no one cares that I made it here safe I have no one to call.
I truly "felt" divorced when I received my papers in the mail, saw his name written, signed my name and tore up his picture. It was over in my heart then.

"I was trying to tell him some things I was upset that his mom was doing( I also worked for her at the time) and he covered his ears and kept saying that he couldn't listen to me talk about his mother."

Blood is definitely thicker than 24K gold. The last several years my stbx steadily drew away from me and closer to his mother/family. His mother would make snide comments about me to my face in front of all my in-laws. If i said anything to him about how it upset me he was always like "you know that's how mom is, you just have to ignore it." - forget actually saying something to come to my defense or at least let me know that he didn't agree with her comment.

Anyway, I knew it was over last November. My father-in-law passed away unexpectedly. I did everything I could to be there for him and his family, and grieved because I loved him like my own dad. When I put my arm around his shoulders at the viewing he pulled away, at the church he sat next to his mother & siblings while I was alone in another pew, again at the wake afterwards he immediately sat next to his mom at a table where there was no more room, I was left to literally sit alone. I can’t tell you how sad an empty I felt. I know you can write this off as him just being upset over losing a parent too early in life – but it was this on top of always being put last after his family and friends, being interrupted to take a phone call, never having time to spend with me alone. My mother went for surgery, I told him all about it but I could tell he was barely listening to me. I also told him she was okay afterwards. About two weeks later he was like “when’s your mom going in for surgery?” If it didn’t have anything to do with his family it wasn’t important. I wasn’t important. That’s how I knew.

ABrenner--I am sorry about your battle with cancer. However, I am so happy that you made a courageous decision that has allowed you to live your life--and then again you were courageous to decide to get a divorce and live with out "real sex"---sex with a REAL A$$HOLE! I hope you are happy and healthy now :)

I knew it was time to finally make a move on getting out when our son said, "that's right, we can't afford it (whatever it was that he was asking for), because dad has direct deposit to the local bar".  Unfortunately, I look forward to the moment to really feel divorced so we can move forward in a more healthy future.

I knew my marriage was over on my birthday.  My ex-wife took me to dinner with the kids, she was late meeting us at the restaurant and came in with a bag with a shirt in it and said happy birthday.  She had just bought the girf on her way to the restaurant.  She did the same thing for our anniversary and then fathers day.  I had to almost beg her to go out with me on our 10th anniversary.  When we did, she wanted to leave at 8:30.  This from a woman who was cheating on me at the time, and was not going out "with her friends" sometimes until 10 to 10:30 at night, and then staying up until 3 to 4 PM, and sometimes not even coming home.  Yah, and she said she still loved me.

A few weeks after I said "I do".  I kick myself for not using one simple three-letter word at the end of that..."not".

When he had his second fling with one of his patients and she used it to her advantage to sue.  Ruined us financially.  BUT is symantics, emotionally the little everyday things, like, having no one to call when you're in a bind, need somone to stop and pick up milk, or just someone to listen.  I've only been alone for 1 year 4 months, but i've adjusted fairly well.  Too well in fact, when I do try to date, it's tough to not question his every motive, every move, but mostly, I've gotten used to having things the way I want, when I want them, not having to check in............there are upsides and downsides of course.  yes, I get lonely, but I do have my dog

I knew my marriage was over the night of my 15th wedding anniversary.  I had told my ex not to make any plans- but he did anyway.  I talked him out of those, but he talked me into going out.  We did and I had a bit too much to drink.  That night he decided that since I had been talking so much and was so excited about school, everything was okay between us.  When we got home, he started kissing me- although I wasn't kissing him back.  That didn't stop him.  He then decided to undress me.  I could barely move at this time.  I couldn't lift my arms to puch him away.  I kept moving my head to the side, but that didn't stop him.  He kept going and ended up raping me (and, not for the first time, either).  I made him move to the couch the next day and told him he was never EVER touching me again.  Two weeks later, I moved out.

OMG abrenner- that is HORRIBLE! A real woman?
I knew mine was over when we were in my bedroom talking one night. We had been trying to reconcile for about 2 years. I was trying to tell him some things I was upset that his mom was doing( I also worked for her at the time) and he covered his ears and kept saying that he couldn't listen to me talk about his mother. I basically said to him- until you divorce your mom you will never have a real relationship with me or anyone else. He said you may be right!
I filed for divorce that week. It was final about a month later . I got the call from my lawyer while I was on vacation that I was single again and was now back to my maiden name.
Funny thing- he found out by mail that it was done. A friend of mine was at his house when he opened it. He was devastated. Asked her if she knew it was over and she told him yes.

In my first marriage felt it when my wife walked out on me and our children.It was immediate and devastating.The day I recieved the divorce decree and divorce paperwork in my mail box.
The divorce decree is more ornate then the marrige certificate.

abrenner, i agree with jay.  disgusting, gross, juvenile and impossible to forgive.  your life will be a million times better without that man.

Abrenner....................I just want to say that from a man's point of view, that's one of the most terrible things I've ever heard. You're better off without a "man" like that.

The night my husband told me he didn't want to have sex with me because he'd rather have "real" sex.  I asked what was "real" sex - it was sex with a woman who still had her real breasts.  I chose to give mine up in order to survive breast cancer and lower the odds of my having a recurrence in 1999.  I had reconstruction so they look ok, but he never adjusted to the change.   It was that moment that he factored me out of the relationship, and I knew with certainty that my thoughts about separating were correct because there was no remediating the situation.