The same old story

My husband has been cheating on me since the first year of our marriage. He even had a child as a result of one affair in which I found out about while I myself was 8 months pregnant with our second child. He has always denied the fact that he ahs ever been cheating, and even convinced me that I was crazy for suspecting things even though I knew it was true. I always wanted to stay for fear of breaking up our family, but the final straw has been within the last month when I discovered that he had an ad on craigslist in the "casual encounters" category. I made my decision that week and filed without him ever having a clue. Even though I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I am afraid he will manioulate me into taking him back or cancelling the divorce, as he has done in the past. I feel strongly in the sanctity of marriage but I feel as though he has decided that he doesn't want to be married, not me.

by tdiddy9792 2 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 4:35 PM

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Tags: cheating , affair , ri , children , female

Answers for "The same old story" (7) (You must be logged in to answer)

You dont deserve to be treat this way. Your husband sounds a lot like my stbx, he had a child with a girl he had an afair with we had our kids 3 weeks part, it really isnt fair. We worked through the sistuation just for him to cheat on me again. I dont think a cheater can really change. He would tell me lies that i knew he was lieing, he would always tell me that i was just crazy and after a while you start to belive them. The only advise i can give is to be strong, it wont be easy, its really hard. Just remeber that you are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect. Good Luck.

by lonelynessa 33 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 11:39 PM

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You are inportant, remember that.
You do matter.
Hugs

by Betrayedforaram 451 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 10:42 PM

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Of course he is going to blame you! If he comes and tries to get you to change your mind REMEMBER what you typed here! Keep that in the back of your mind. Sounds like he is unable to be faithful. Make sure you get a test for stds..if you test positive it may help you stay on his insurance.

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 7:54 PM

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cheaters seems to have the mazing dift of LIYING and manipulating... He is a cheater and cheaters never change! trust me I know... so dont be affraid and, lear how to loove ur self, ur body and ur soul, so u feel sick with the only tough of him touching u again... Im in that process and slowly but stronger then before in having clousure... There is mnyy amazing man out there...we deserve better!!!!

by carossi 141 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 6:44 PM

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I guess him having a child while you all were married is pretty sound proof of adultery, but you all stayed together after that so I don't know if that could hold up in court as reason for divorce, but I would definitely make copies of his ad in Craigslist and follow it. You're doing right by not letting him know. Don't let your conscience get to you and disclose everything to him. He's done you dirty and it's time you make a stance for yourself. Get your ducks in a row now. And if you ever get weak for him, keep a copy of that craigslist ad handy to look at.

No one deserves to be with a person with no morals like him. Please don't lower yourself and allow him to do that to you again. Be strong. It'll be hard. You'll be sad, then really mad, then sad, but keep on being strong and you'll realize that you did the right thing. Take good care.

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 5:43 PM

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you are worth better. remember that. it is obvious that he is self aborbed and unable to be the man you deserve. you deserve to have a man that is as comitted to you as you are to him. always remember that. i my self have learned the hard way aswell. though i still have feelings for her i am letting my head do all the thinking. i have to ignore my heart for a while, for it will only betray me. same goes for you. surround yourself with friends and family. while you work threw this. i wish you well. good luck.

by oldfashionfool 113 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 4:56 PM

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Marriage and cheating don't mix. I didn't want to break up my family either but I had to choose between living with a cheater and all that goes with it including the possibility of catching something, or leaving the marriage. I chose to leave. I did forgive and gave her several chances to reconcile. She chose to continue other relationships knowing that I wouldn't live like that so in essence she ended the marriage. A spouse doesn't deserve being cheated on for any reason. If there is abuse then end the marriage and THEN start a new relationship. I do believe in marriage 100% but the spouse also has to believe in it and the commitment that goes with it.

by curious123 978 Posts
Posted on 9/13/2009 4:55 PM

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