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Ex retained attorney-I can't afford one

My ex refuse to pay child support. Our dau was with him May 10 to May 29 due to a domestic - battery where my dau and I were arrested and released the next day. She was released to her dad early that morning and I did not get out til late that evening, however we had no contact order until May 27th. They dropped the charges at the hearing on the 27th. My ex told me that he would be dropping her and baby back and he did on the 29th.

I sent my dau and her baby to visit my son in OK for 3 weeks. She did the same to my son as she did to me and my son who is in the Army was arrested June 19th and I bonded him out June 22nd. I flew my dau and her baby back on June 20. She wanted to spend Father's Day with her dad so I kept the baby and next thing I know she tells me she is staying with her dad on Jun 21. So I said ok.

So in July my ex started harassing me about money, wanting $900 a month and if I did not give it to him in 48 hrs he would drop our dau back to me and on Aug 1st her dropped her and her baby back home but I still do not have child support. I have spent over $400 in school clothes and supplies.

He retained a lawyer to petition he court not to allow his DL to be suspended and asked that the court have me pay his attorney fees and any other fees relating to this matter. I paid for her to fly to OK and back here, pd my son bail and court fees. We go to mediation for custody suit, now this will require a hearing as well.

I sent her $200 during those 3 weeks in OK and pd light bill there at her request. My ex sent her $300 and he now gives her money since being back with me but I have no clue when he does and how much he gives. I found this out my accident, not because he told me he was giving her money that she is blowing and I'm footing the bills and her baby's pampers and formula. I cannot afford attorney and feel I have paid out enough. Not to mention while she was there I gave a air card to use for school and she ran it up over $800 that I had to pay in July.

Not sure why my ex is willing to do all of this vs paying the 1375.00 that he owes. He lied on his financial affidavit but he's a contractor so he can do that. He's having a nice 3 bedroom house built but only works part-time. (LIE!!!!) I'm sure not willing to give that money to anyone except my dau and her baby.

by Ladytoni 43 Posts
Posted on 9/6/2009 7:25 AM

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Tags: difficult ex , child custody , divorce , parenting , abuse
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Answers for "Ex retained attorney-I can't afford one " (9) (You must be logged in to answer)

My ex's attorney and I talked after I got a letter in the mail that mediation was canceled due to the child turning 18, ten days afterwards. So I called my ex attorney, made an offer I could live with. She thought it was good and would present to my ex and get back with me. I told her good luck as he will not accept anything that I came up with and therefore please schedule hearing with judge as soon as possible. Its not about his DL, he's want to still show me that he is in control. I want this over.

by Ladytoni 43 Posts
Posted on 9/19/2009 4:20 PM

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To say what was paid to her or for her doesn't matter is interesting because his attorney sure had copies of checks he wrote to our daughter. I did not hand over custody, she wanted to spend time with him. She now saying she doesn't know if she wants to move as of today.

by Ladytoni 43 Posts
Posted on 9/8/2009 8:01 PM

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I agree that I can forget what I paid for however she wanted to spend that time with him and I still maintained her living space until she and baby returned 1 Aug. I have put out so much money for school and for her baby and I need help. I agree to not wanting the money he was with her but its sad that our decree states that due to the age of the child she can come and go as she pleases but it does not say he can stop paying.

In owes for Aug, Sep and Oct. I will only forgive $900 for the but not Aug/Sep/Oct's payment. Now he's in arrears $1375 less $900 lvs him owing me $450 for Sep and Oct.

He will not agree about our dau not moving in his apt. He NEEDS her money to help him maintain his lease. She has already bought into it and is getting very disrespectful towards me.

His divorce attorney would not represent him after the divorce as he was a VERY difficult client. He would not be fair. It was his way or NOTHING. He has another attorney.

The system is so confusing as I was told by the state that I am responsible for my minor dau and her minor child until she becomes 18 which is Oct 9th. So if that applies to me it should apply to her dad to help out.

I will write the letter. I may just say forget all of it and be done with this lunatic!

by Ladytoni 43 Posts
Posted on 9/8/2009 5:31 PM

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Ok -

first off, get over the I paid for this that and the other - you can itemize till the sun shines, fact of the matter is anything you paid out was voluntary and it doesn't count towards anything in court. You didn't have to pay the things you did.

All that matters is the court order, and the fact you handed over custody for a few weeks that he shouldn't be held accountable for in terms of child support. The only weeks in play are the ones he had her in his care, when she was with your son doesn't count.

His main reason for this filing is to ensure his license stays intact - it's been threatened due to the arrears and it is crucial for his job. The money really isn't the issue - he hired an attorney because he was probably advised that is the only way he'd be able to keep that from happening.

Personally, if I were you, since you can't afford your own attorney, I'd contact his attorney and offer to forgive the arrears provided on the following:

1) he stays current on all future support until the child is of the age of majority INCLUDING the admin fee.

2) he retracts and discontinues his demand or coersement for any of the child's settlement money or trying to get her to stay at his apartment after he moves to his new house for the welfare of HER child.

Mail his attorney this offer, see where it gets you - I have a feeling it will be accepted.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 9/8/2009 12:50 PM

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1. She will be 18 Oct 9th and is in 12th grade.
2. I sent money to her as well while with my son.
3. I paid airfare to and from OK in June.
4. I paid/pay for her baby's formula, medical bills
5. He claims he makes $700 bi-monthly and has $1K in retirement funds but his rent is $800 and he has a $350 car note, ins, credt cards and he's having a nice size 3 bedroom house built.
6. From day 1 of child support he refused to pay the $5.25 admin fee so its deducted from what he owes me and they deposit the difference.
7. I pay my dau car insurance on the car she just got
8. He goes out of town for pleasure every holiday
9. He's a contractor and hides money, always has even during our marriage. I would see where his deposit slip online where he deposit $900 but cash out $900 or $1000 but it was none of my business where the money was being placed.
10. It looks like I make more.
11. I have a 3 bedroom home and my dau has a room and so does her baby. I kept the house and paid him over $52K to get the house and he took half of my 401K. He just keep trying to get money. My dau will start getting a check 1 NOV and he has managed to get her to agree to giving him $500 a mo for his apt so he won't have to break his lease. She does not know what the plan is after Feb when lease is up.
12. He has a 1 bedroom apt.
13. So out of a whole year she spends 7 weeks with him and he's crying about the money. He spent more than what he owes me in retaining an attorney. Our decree says due to the age of the child she can spend whatever time she wants with him and that she should spend "considerable" amount of time with both parents but I have sole custody and makes all major decisions according to our decree.

by Ladytoni 43 Posts
Posted on 9/8/2009 6:13 AM

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oops typo - farther into this - not father lol

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 9/7/2009 10:50 PM

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ok....

first off, him trying to modify custody does NOT stop his obligation to pay support - only an order from the court specifically stating child support is held until a decision is made would stop it. If I remember your story correctly, that actually never got that far.

he has the right to request support from you for the time she was with him...only. A full financial evaluation would have to be done on who makes what etc & so on. what you paid, electric bill, any money directly to her during that time, the air card - doesn't count for anything - as does any money he sends directly to her now has no bearing on what he owes you.

question before I go father into this - when does she (your daughter) turn 18?

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 9/7/2009 10:50 PM

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In the document his attorney stated that the amount in arrears is actually a credit for him since our dau was with him for 7 weeks and with her adult brother 3 weeks. It also stated that his filing of the request for modification of the custody automatically revokes the current order so he does not owe me. I did not know this was the case that if a request for modification automatically stops the current order. He actaully wants me to pay him the arrears or wipe it clear where he does not pay me the 3 months he is in arrears.

by Ladytoni 43 Posts
Posted on 9/7/2009 10:38 PM

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All he is doing from what I understand is trying to keep his DL, not requesting you to pay him anything, correct?

Asking for you to pay his attorney fees is just standard legal jargon - you won't be forced to pay them - his need for the request is his own fault - not yours.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 9/7/2009 8:38 PM

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