if you met your 'soul mate' today

I will run VERY fast.  Since that is why my marriage is over!  And believe me ladies once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat.

After what i've been through, cheaters make me physically ill. "Soulmate" or not, i'm over it.

I was sure I had found my soul mate. When we met, we were both in horrible marriages. We had both married for all the wrong reasons. As we socialized in our circle of friends, it became impossible to "hide" our incredible attraction for each other. Physical? Yes. But mentally/emotionally- we were like twins. I had never met anyone like her. I was the first to tell her that I had fallen in love with her. She admitted the same. We agreed not to act on our feelings, but let God "have it," and try to work on our current marriages. It took about a year, and we were both divorced. 
Ok. We started dating. Though both Christians, we were convinced that we would soon be married- and began the sex. Not to be sleazy, but the sex was like an 11 out of ten. I thought I had gone to heaven. I don't know which was better the sex, or our emotional/mental connection. It was unreal. 
Here's the problem. As we met, we were both using alcohol to kill the pain of our otherwise broken lives. My ex had  moved my children 2 hours away. That devastated me. I soon became an alcoholic. My (current) wife was a queen, trying to help me realize it wasn't the end of the world. For 5 years, she urged me to get help. I would quit drinking for a few months/weeks, but couldn't stop. She finally had an intervention for me. I went to re-hab, but it didn't take. 7 years after we married she asked me to leave, and stay sober for one year- then we could "talk" about reconciliation. I couldn't do it. It crushed me even more. (we had a 4 year old daughter)
I'll try to wind this up. We have been separated for 5 years. We are soon going to be divorced. She has become Catholic, and say's our marriage "isn't recognized by God" anyway. She loathes me. My "soul mate" is now my worst enemy. Is it "my fault?" Probably. But she has really crapped on me in many ways.
I no longer believe the soul-mate theory. I'm doing good to believe in God. 
Have a good day!

Who knows who their real soulmate really is? What big sign is there that says I'm your soulmate... yeah right...! If he cheated on a ex ? Who needs that crap...
 
Yes, people make mistakes, but at this time in my life I don't believe that there is a one true love meant for me... Not for sure if I want him if there was...

I did it.  Met the guy I thought was my "soul mate".  He was married at the time that we met. After a few months learned (from his then wife) that his marriage was failing because he and his wife had a constant cycle of cheating on each other.  After they had split and she had moved, we started hanging out and getting to know each other.  I fell for him hard, and him for me. When we announced our engagement, it was not with blessed reaction because of his past cheating history.  This being my first marriage, my parents tried to warn me that once a cheater always a cheater.  I blew them off and knew that our bond was so strong that he would never do that to me.  A year later, we were married.  8.5 years later, he cheated.  ( I didn't know it though) 9 years later, he cheated again and left me for another woman (this is also when I found about the first time). I just knew in my heart that through all of that, that we were still soul mates, and I fought tooth and nail to get him back home. He's now been home for 5 weeks. We're (at least I ) am working hard to make it work and to overcome the past and put it behind us.  I want to believe in my faith that love and God conquer all.  But on the other hand, I have to wander, if this person really was my "soul mate", then why on earth would he have ever put me through so much hell?  If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't have!  I love him very much still to this day.
But never again would I have anything to do with a cheater.

There are men who don't cheat...........I'm one of them. Never even looked at another woman in that way, for more than a decade. I'm still wrestleing with the pain of the thought of haveing to look at other women in a sexual manner........I have physical needs, but mentally I want nothing to do with them.

To the OP:

If they have done it once, they will do it again, sooner or later. I'd just walk away. I don't believe in cheating, so that would automaticly disqualify her as a soulmate of mine.

I married my soulmate and she cheated on me. Now the pain of unwinding her soul from mine is almost unbearable. No way in hell I want to do this again. My new mantra is "Trust, but verify."

Saying cheating just happened is like saying, oh, I was so angry, my spouse drove me to it, I didn't plan it, gee, sorry judge, I can't help it if I killed my spouse.

It's wrong. There isn't any excuse. It doesn't just happen' if you murder someone. it doesn't just happen if you hit your kids, it doesn't just happen if you steal. There are some lines you don't cross. I don't accept that your spouse drove you to it or that it just happened.

The fact that cheaters say these stupid things means that they don't take responsibility for their own actions.

No one is responsible for your actions except you.

In every single one of these posts of a cheater that I've seen they find a way to kind of blame it on something else. They say, oh, I was wrong, but... No buts. This inability to accept responsibility is just as much a problem as the cheating itself.

If there's a but, or an 'everyone makes mistakes', then there is no reason this person won't find the same excuse for their behaviour in the future.

Everyone makes mistakes, I been married for 26 yrs. and never was unfaithful, and I was not out looking for a fling,but got involed with a co-worker, no matter the reasons, it happen, we live on different coasts, I asked for forgiveness,but stayed in touch by phone, and seen her two more times, we had a bond I think,and felt so connected, it seemed right,like my soul mate, but the hurt and pain is not worth all the other feelings of ( love, comfort,understanding,things i was missing in my marriage) and the lives it destroyed, yes I would like another chance, will I get one, Only God knows for sure, and with His help lives can be restored in time, so I dont believe once a cheater always a cheater, people do learn from their mistakes, and never go down that road again.

What's NCIC kitty?

No way. If he cheated on someone else he's already broken that barrier so it's easier to cross a second time.

Cooki, there ARE men who don't cheat, just as there are women who don't. You have to listen very carefully.

I agree that you have to know the situation.  I would not dismiss the relationship just yet. I am not sure that I believe in a soul mate just someone that you really bond with.  I know myself that I am now faced with the decision of going outside the marriage but my marriage has been over for along time.  I have just now come to that realization

I know what I've been through.

I know the opportunities I had to cheat during the course of my marriage, and didn't.

I can honestly say that for me to consider another cheater as my "Soul Mate" would make me deserving of any and all the misery they bring. 

I respect myself enough to smile and say @%$#&! No!.

I agree with Curious, I don't believe in soul  mates but do believe in true love....I believe that you can have enough in common with someone to really mesh well...I believe there are people out there that will commit to making the relationship work a priority...As far as a cheater...I don't agree with cheating but people make mistakes...If they cheated on their marriage vows, I would have to think long and hard and really take my time with that person...I won't rule it out and say no, but trust would be an issue for a long time...If they had the patience to deal with my baggage on that one, then who knows...I guess it is easier to say what you will or won't do until you are faced with it...

I don't subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy...but it would raise a serious red flag with me, having been cheated on.  However, I would not dismiss the person out of hand.  Like with anything, everyone's story is their own and sometimes life isn't black and white...I would have to hear the story and weigh the possible benefits and decide whether or not it was worth the risk.

Like Jamesalone, I don't think that there is such a thing as a soul mate.  I think that there's a person out there that fits us like a glove...at that moment in time, but it's my experience that life's experience changes us...gradually, mostly, but sometimes it can be a traumatic event that fundamentally chages a person (rape, life threatening illness, etc.)...we are constantly growing...so the person you meet today may not be the same person 5, 10, 15 years later.  You either grow together in a relationship or you grow apart...and there's just no way to predict that when you meet someone that you really click with at the time.

Oh, and cooki66?  *raises hand*  I'VE never cheated on anyone.

cookie66- If you have never met a man that didn't cheat you may be looking in the wrong place- There are men in here who have not- I could name names..I also have guy friends- my brothers and Dad- even the guy I am talking to at this point. Have not cheated..will not cheat..and neither will I. Sorry - but I strongly disagree with your statement..

Show me one man who has never ever cheated. Show one woman who has never been cheated on. From and early age, she show boys, that its ok to play the field that the girls don't matter.  Boy's shouldn't get involved with girls in a serious way before there ready. And as long as there are girls out there who think with their small heads, and Girls who let them .. there will always be cheaters. Because if there is a girl or woman out there who isn't ready, or doesn't want to .. A boy, man or what ever.. knows where to find it.. how to get it .. and doesn't feel guilty because the female said no.. and he wanted it ..
So to answer your question, I haven't met a man who hasn't cheated. I have found my soul mate. We of course won't ever be married. We will live together in sin.. He has cheated, and I have cheated... not on each other.. but if your tired of the rat race, and BS... you will find what your looking for .. Hell I'm still married .. only because I can't find my old man ..

Anyone who cheats on his wife cannot be my soul mate.  A man who does that automatically takes himself out of the soul mate running, and also automatically out of anyone I'd consider having a relationship with in the first place. 

After going through the pain and betrayal of my ex's infidelity, I will be involved with anyone who did that to his wife, no matter what his justification.

I don't believe in soul mates, I think that is why there is the clause in the vows that says forsaking all others till death do you part.  Pretty simple vow really and one that to many don't remember when they break it.  No, once a cheater always a cheater, would not want that thought in the back of mind each time I was out of sight.  Buh bye find someone else that cheated then the two of you can be miserable for ever wondering which one will cheat again first.

I would run like a bat out of hell..they are not my soul mate if they cheat!

From here on out everyone gets an NCIC background check.  I even have a coffee cup that says "In God we trust, all others checked thru NCIC"

I don't believe in soul mates even if I did I would walk away. That is why I wish every divorce decree would say why they divorced. I already said I want to see divorce papers to make sure they are not married so if I could get a little back ground information at the same time that would be great. 

I hold trust and loyalty to dearly to stay with a cheat. If they strayed, whatever the reason, they will justify it again.

I don't believe in soulmates either.  I do believe in true love though.  I would be good friends with someone who cheated inside their marriage vows but I will never have an intimate relationship with someone who did.  No bitterness, anger or any other negative feelings I just made a promis to myself that I won't have a relationship that deep with a person who would do that to a spouse.  It it just wrong and don't need round two in my life.  Besides, there are plenty of women out there who have not cheated so why stack the deck against yourself if you don't have to.  I firmly believe if you are unhappy in your marriage then end it and THEN start a new relationship.  Much better for everyone involved.....

Funny you should ask that.  My "soul mate" ex slept around a few times while we were out of contact with each other at various times, before we were married.

She always told me about it.  I forgave her each time.  She didn't owe me anything then and never cheated while we were married.

Any marital cheaters are not going to be with me.  Ever.

well soulmates are supposed to be togther - its like this do you punish someone for something forever - is there no mercy is there no forgiveness - do you need to forgive or judge or punish - if you found your soul mate he or she is the other half of you - you finally came together is his or her past really your future - Gosh I hope not - there is that adage once a cheater ...... but were talking soul mate - I believe in love - I believe in the perfect match - you will know in the eyes - the acts

I think there is a lot of bitterness out there - I too never want to go through what I did - love is worth the risk of that - I am searching for my soul mate he is out there - I will move slow and be sure before i"m all in again - but I will be all in again

I believe in cupids -

I would end the relationship right there, once a cheater always a cheater.  Its not worth it.