Funnies! :)

This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit."I've got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband. "Can you believe my wife told me I'm a lousy lover?" "That's why you're suing?" pursued his lawyer. "Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."

"Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds. The other half ended in death."

Q. What's the only thing divorce proves?

A. Whose mother was right in the first place.

A divorce court judge said to the husband, "Mr. Perry, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."

 "That's very fair, your honor," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said.

 "Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said.

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

My wife said her purse with all the credit cards in it was stolen. Did I report it stolen? No -- the thief spends less than she does.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."