Banned

I have learned that I must "pick my battles" carefully.  Is going into the house so important to you that you would put your kids in the middle of that argument?  Nothing is that important to me (other than maybe a safety issue).

How about having a picnic on the lawn if she isn't home? Or washing a car in the driveway, complete with throwing sponges at each other laughing? 

She is nervous, give her that for now.  Tell the kids something like, "I know mom isn't comfortable with me being inside..., can we sit out here in the shade and chat?"  The point would be that you want to see them, even if it is a little strange right now.  You would be teaching your children huge volumes of life by not pushing.  You shouldn't allow the mom to run over you, but a little bit of respect goes a VERY long ways.

Best wishes for peaceful visits.

Ok, fact of the matter is, you have a drug problem, and any court will side with her on the supervised visitation with your kids....

get your act together, get clean - and be the parent she wants you so badly to be. Get into rehab - something - do it RIGHT this time and make being clean permanent.

Thanks for all the responses to my inquiry. I wish I could comment on them in a more timely manner but I'm mooching off a neighbor's wi-fi connection to the internet until I can get cable installed here at my dad's where I am living now. (Yes, it is ok with the neighbor. It fluctuates with the weather- the connection, not the neighbor.)

I have had prescription drug addiction problems off and on for several years. It has led to legal problems. My wife has stuck with me through it all until now. This last one, although brought on by a set of circumstances that could only happen to me or Job of the bible, was the last straw. She is the strongest women I have ever known and it has been a miracle she has stuck with me this long. Just when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel it turned out to be a speeding freight train.

She asked me to leave the townhouse we jointly rent and I did not argue. I went to  live with my dad. We have great conversations, especially in the morning. I walk into the kitchen and say "Ugg" and he says "eh" and we get on with our day. Although one night we spent an hour talking about the divorce and how I was feeling. When we were done he went to bed and I went downstairs. When I came back up and passed by his room, I could hear him crying. It was as if someone had stabbed me in the heart. I think my wife thought that after starting the divorce  everything would be the same as it was, except she would be rid of me. It's not that simple. Divorce reaches far into families and friends and disrupts their lives too.

What made you leave the house in the first place?  Did she just up and tell you that you had to go and you did with no reason?   How long have you not resided there?  It sounds as if the girls are against you (guarding the house), why is that? 

Sorry for the questions and sorry you're going through this, I'm just trying to figure out how it got to this.

The feelings of pain and lonliness will let up, but we, each of us, have to go through a bit of hell first. It seems that's the way it is with the big 'D.'

Another thought: You might be discovering, for the very first time, some of the less desirable things about the person you fell in love with so long ago. That's another way to look at it; sometimes this helps me and sometimes it doesn't.

Oh. also - it is 100% wrong of her to be using the children as "scouts" and putting them in the middle - please talk to your attorney about that, if she continues to use the children as pawns it will work to your advantage in the custody fight.

You can even write her a certified letter to voice your disapproval of her actions regarding the children, just keep it civil.

Is your name the only name on the lease?

Legal ramifications be damned, it doesn't stop some men from being assholes and, like your wife is being right now, women being bitches.

The sole reason for her doing this is because she is scared to death you will take custody of the girls and not return them to her if she lets you take them out until there is a court order in place. She is asserting her "power" so to speak to retain residential custody before a judge could say otherwise.
 
So, as BlueB stated, don't rock that boat right now, yeah it sucks a lot, you should be able to come and go in your own home and see the children as you please...but there is too much she can do to hurt you if you don't follow her "rules'...for now.

However, her "rules" are only temporary, a judge will make new ones, that will include ample visitation for you OUTSIDE of the home (provided she didn't lie through her teeth in her petition - you will find that out soon enough)

I seriously suggest you retain a good father's rights attorney and go for no less than 50/50 joint legal & physical custody.

Do not give her any money, for anything, including the kids & rent, until a judge says you have to either. She wants to play this game, let her pay for it too.

Thanks for the response BlueB and thanks for the concern. What you wrote (I'm sorry…) was more than my wife has said. 
We are renting a townhome. My name is on the lease. I have never even said a negative thing about my wife to her or anyone else for that matter. She acknowledges that as do our friends. There is no PPO or anything else. She said this is her rule. Even when she allows me to come in it is only for a short amount of time. The other day I was watching the White Sox game with my daughters and around the 7th inning she told me I had to leave.  I think it was because I was laying down on the couch. I guess my feet must remain on the floor at all times.

I fell in love with my wife the moment we met 27 years ago and I love her to this day. That only makes her actions now incredibly hurtful. How is this feeling of pain and loneliness ever going to let up? People say it will in time but right now I can't see how.

Thanks for reading…

Technically, no...she can't ban you from the house if there is no court order.  You do have full legal access to the house until a judge says otherwise, generally speaking.  But there may be other circumstances that might cause that to be otherwise...such as abandonment, how long you've been out of the house, if it is in her name only, etc.  If she has a personal protection order (PPO) against you, that changes things as well.

But, I would consider the reason going there...if it's just to prove the point that you can, I wouldn't do it.  If it's for something specific, I would say that it should be a really important reason for going.  If you do go, you should probably take someone with you so that they can be an independent witness...I don't know where you are at with this, but if she's threatening to call the police, then you have to ask yourself how far she would go to get you to stay away...like make allegations of violence against her or other threatening behavior.  Hence the recommendation for a witness and making absolutely sure you have an important reason for being there.  And whatever abuse she heaps on you, you cannot afford to retaliate.

I'm sorry you're going through all this.  I wish you the best of luck.