Ques about adultery, going to trial, his demands - TX

I've been to trial. It has been my experience that the judge doesn't care about anything except the facts and the law. That said, at least in my state, adultery carries a penalty in child support and alimony, meaning you pay more. It doesn't sound like he's being unreasonable.

Court is a very stressful, awful experience for all involved. Your attorney's fees could easily be much more than you would be paying him under this arrangement. We've already spent over $50,000 and it is not even close to being finished. My friend spent $140,000. It could drag on for years. What will that do to your children?

You have hurt the person you once loved and promised to stay with in a way you can't imagine. Your lifestyle will change and you will have to live on less. You are at least the one who made this decision. The people you have hurt, your spouse and children, have had their entire lives disrupted without having any control over it.

You told him that there is no hope for a reconciliation.   Now you have to decide how much you want to fight about to get gone.  Negotiations are just that, keep negotiating and try to keep it out of a trial.  Best of luck, stay strong and be well.

I filed fault, I had evidence, and at first my ex lied and said not but when he found out the OW would be subpena he changed his tune. Yes she is listed and abuse is listed as the reason for my divorce. He has to pay my legal fees. And the judge said that adultly will be viewed in how much alimony I will get.
Now I was very angry at my ex but I did want the divorce over. He waited until the last minute to file anything. I did not want to work on my marriage it was over.
Don't do anything rash right now. Your attorney is right it will take awhile before things get done. Just let him vent he is hurt and wait and see what happens. But don't take abuse from him. You messed up big time but don't let him abuse you in anyway.
I know I have healed a lot because before I would have posted I hope he takes you for everything. I just hope that the damage that already has been done to your children can be less if you both can get through this divorce and work on parenting together.

Well, no fault does not mean split 50/50, and he would likely get something more for your affair, but not necessarily as bad of terms as he's offering...it doesn't hurt to offer something close, but understand...if he isn't happy with the offer, yes he can take it to a bench trial where whatever evidence of the affair he has will be brought into open court...then it will be up to the judge what the fair distribution of assets are and any alimony you might receive.  Child support will be decided on a different basis.

I would say it's up to you and your attorney what your strategy should be.  Don't base your decision solely on your stbx's angry tirade and threats...but know what you are going to be in for and decide yourself if you are getting what you want and weigh your options carefully.  I wish you luck in all this...keep us posted!

Texas is one of the very few states you get a jury trial, and he has every right to go to trial. He has every right to ask for primary custody. child support is based on income and primary custody, overnights. For him to get maintenance first it has to be greater than ten year marriage. Texas is a very anti-maintenance state. unless he is disabled max three years and no greater than 20% on the income. the courts don't care about the affair,but it can be brought up during depositions and trial for dissipation of marital assets, so yes he can make you admit it he can depose the paramour- is he married?. Do not underestimate the fact he can draw this out for a long time. You want out, so you need to sweeten the deal so he will "sell you the divorce". You need to understand that you will have to co-parent with him. If you make more than him there is a possiblity you may be ordered to pay for his legal fee's- fault is sometimes looked in for fee's. Also going to trial is expensive. It may be better to offer a better deal to him to save to other expenses also there is the emotional cost of you being deposed and the paramour being deposed, the trial et..

i know. you're right. wishful thinking on my part.  i was hoping to hear what other people's experiences have been like going to trial.

thanks for the response.

Not to be harsh but the damagage to the kids has already been done. If you want to make it easier on them, I would give your spouse what he is asking for and save the children the trauma of a nasty trial. If you are the one that strayed from the marriage and broke the covenant then you need to accept responsibility for the current situation and deal with the consequences of your actions. It seems like you are being very self centered. You should be worried about everyone that you have hurt and how they will heal and not about how to get yourself out of the mess you created.