Feeling victimized by my Court experience on the OP today....

I am so upset. I have been in tears all morning after court and I feel very much like my STBX won even though I took an OP against him due to his behavior and failure to regard our son's health and safety.

I had a court appearance today regarding the Order of Protection filed against my STBX.

First, my attorney did not have this on her calendar. Luckily, she was in Family court on another case so I found her and she had her assistant bring my file over and she came into court with me - but she was NOT prepared. She shot from the hip.

Second, my attorney did not file the contempt motion as she and I had discussed. She said she had second thoughts about filing it bc it would exacerbate an already contentious situation. What? Yes, its contentious - my STBX went nuts on me, and I called the cops bc he wouldnt listen to the Drs orders. How is this not already contentious?? This is not the first time my STBX has done something like this. This is the first time I have called him on it and said Enough! 

Violating the OP, he directed me to not talk to his parents, sent me a video message crying blaming me for hurting him, sent emails about items, and he approached my car with my kids in it to discuss obtaining tools from my house and when I refused to discuss, he made sarcastic and rude comments to me.

Sounds like contempt to me. But, my guess is she forgot to do it or never got around to it. I still have the video message, his emails  and texts. WTF??????? So, now there are absolutely no consequences to his behavior - hedoes whatever he wants, there are no boundaries and  wins again!!!!!!!!!!!

Third, the Judge barely admonished my STBX and, in fact, my STBX  played the innocent card and won an oscar for the role. In fact, I got the feeling that the Judge liked his lawyer more than mine.


Fourth, since filing the OP I have had the harder end of the stick and my baby is being shuffled around. I have to travel to and from to drop off my son and he has to go from car seat to car seat which I think is unfair to him.

Fifth, the Judge did not have a copy of the OP before her and did  not have the facts of the case. Yet, she said she was ok to proceed since it was a first appearance. The attorneys discussed the parenting schedule....and I was ok with the schedule generally. But, I wanted there to be some recourse to protect my son if he got sick again bc of what STBX did. So, what is the recourse? There is a clause that says he hass to follow Drs orders. Wow. Like he follows ANY Orders - not even the OP court order!!!!!
But wait...there's more....the  judge suggested OVER NIGHT VISITATION!!!  I could actually see my STBX smile. She actually suggested that my STBX get a Sat to Sunday O/N. Luckily, my STBX has some sense and said that he was only looking for a few hours on the weekend bc he did not want to "upset the baby's routine". Thats complete BS. He doesnt want the responsibility bc caring for the baby will interfere with his social life and he may actually have to be concverned about the baby before himself which, as evidenced by his behavior that warranted the OP, he cares for no one but himself. With that said, I am relieved that he dosesnt want O/N yet.


Sixth, So, my STBX left court with exactly what he wanted schedule wise. Its based around his work schedule, He gets: Week 1: MWF 4pm to 7pm, Sat 4-7 and Sun 9-12. Week 2: T & R 9-10:45, Sat 4-7 and Sun 4-7.  He has unsupervised visits bc his parents cant do it and, unless the baby is sick, there really is no reason why STBX cant visit with baby alone. Im ok with that I just wish he could better his attitutde especially when the baby is around.
We do d/o and p/u at Barnes and Nobles, a public place and that there is a provision directing my STBX and I to "follow Drs reccomendations". Wow. Thats such a joke. Im fine with the visitation schedule generally. What Im not ok with, is how my STBX behaves and the temper tantrums and threats he makes and boundaries he crosses when I try to discuss with him the baby's needs and it interferes with his plans. According to his lawyer, he felt very "offended" that I asked him to "follow the Drs orders" implying that he would not do that and had to be "told what to do". Still, that is no reason to verbally attack me and create such a commotion!! He always does this. 
 
Seventh, the refrain from remains in place. Whoooopppeee! Like thats going to stop my STBX from muttering comments to me beneath his breath or acting out in other ways. And, now my baby suffers bc there  can be no communication between us and its so contentious. It sucks bc sometimes the baby wants to pu the phone and talk and the logical person to call would be dad. In the past, I have done that. Now, I cant.


Eigth, his lawyer started demanding a date and time to pick up marital items we have been arguing about - she said I am holding them hostage bc I agreed to let him have it all - like the TV, our wedding rings, appliances, artwork and other stuff. Most of them are marital items in dispute. Yes, months ago (Pre attorney/pre court filings), I told him in an email he could have all of the items if he gave me custody. The lawyer is using that against me saying I siad he could have all the items and we agreed on it. It was a proposal, not an agreement bc he never agreed to the custody part of the email. Yes, he could have it all and more  if he gave me custody. But, he is fighting me on custody tooth and nail and wont even agree to joint with decision making to me - Im 4K in the hole on legal fees, and counting and now he wants the items in dispute also. 
The items in dispute total about 20-25K. 
I feel like his lawyer was bullying mine and bc she was not prepared, I dont feel that she was able to defend the hits and prepare a good strategy. She basically did nothing and looked over my copy of the OP 5 mins b4 we went in to prepare. 


Basically, I feel like there have been no consequences to his behavior. No one took it seriously and its like the incident never happened. I also feel that I did more harm than good by filing, bc now things are even more contentious between us.  Moreover, I feel that the court isnt interested and I feel very shafted by my lawyer.

I feel very unhappy about what went down today and I need any and all suggestions about what to do. My lawyer says I just have to keep good notes and log his activity which I have been doing. 
Meanwhile, my son is the one who suffers through all this shit. The tension and anger emanates from my STBX. He cant hide how angry and resentfl he is. The baby senses it and doesnt want to go to him. That, in turn, pisses STBX off even more and he's cold and distant around the baby - hope he warms up when Im not around. 
I am so pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like he one upped me again and that I am just supposed to take it to keep the peace bc no one will help - not even the court. 
Why did I even file an OP?

Orders are only good for people who care, have empathy and remorse, understand consequences and will follow them.  So, how does this help me and my son and in our situation? 
 
My STBX harbors anger and blames me for the divorce and the OP and takes no responsibility about what he said and did to warrant the OP. 


What can I do?????????