I'm just scared of what's to come

My wife and best friend has been moved out for over a year, and without going into all the details, I am just devistated. I feel like I am losing everything we had, and 12 years of my life. I just don't know how to make it anymore. I am going to sell the home we built because it holds to many memories, and I am looking for another job out of state in hopes that leaving everything behind me will help me to heal better. I think I am just scared because I have only been with one woman. I never was very popular in school and I am very shy in general. My wifes friends would tell her how good looking I was, and I was always very modest about it. I don't know how to have another relationship with someone because I don't have much experience, and I am very scared about any intamate relationship. I guess I feel like I will try to compare someone else to how my wife made me feel when things were good between us. I don't want to ever visit any of the places we use to go, and it breaks my heart to think about never doing these things again. As much as I have tried to work things out with her, she just won't communicate with me anymore. I always told myself I would do everthing to avoid this, but when the other person won't do the same, what is a guy to do. Sometimes I pace the house, and I feel like (mentally) I'm not really there. I want so badly to be happy again, but I just don't know how to find that anymore. I think this is all I want to say, Thanks

by BTR 21 Posts
Posted on 7/11/2009 10:01 AM

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Tags: scared , sad , depressed

Answers for "I'm just scared of what's to come" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

BTR, I know how you are feeling. I thought me and my stbx would be married forever. But here we are 22 years later, he has found his "soulmate" and I'm devastated. My situation is very complicated because he has a sex addiction that has impacted our lives, but even when there is an illness involved it doesn't take away the love you had for someone. My children and I wanted him to work on recovery and get healthy but the addict has to want that for themselves. Instead he went and found someone that accepts him just the way he is and he doesn't have to be accountable. Not yet anyway. The pain somedays is unbearable. But what LIP says is true, time heals all. I still have bad days, but there are some good days peppered in.

I would move if I could but my youngest is a junior in high school and I will wait until she has graduated. I think moving, getting a new job etc would be cleansing. I say go for it.

I understand the wanting to be happy but having no idea how to go about it. I just think it's too soon. I can't even imagine getting involved right now or even in the near future. But I'm starting to accept that. I'm starting to like myself and realize I'm not so bad by myself. I've got a great counselor that is helping me with my self-esteem issues. I highly recommend counseling. You wouldn't believe the toll a sex addicted husband takes on your self-worth. I know it had nothing to do with me but it's hard to separate the two.

Hang in there and keep blogging. This site has helped me immensely.

by flutterby 829 Posts
Posted on 7/11/2009 12:53 PM

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Wow, thanks alot for those kind words. I think you responded to another message I posted about a week ago. I am the one who has the back injury and needs surgery. You are one of the few people to post on my topic, and it makes me feel good to know people are out there for support.I guess I am still hurting so bad that I wanted to get more support online. I appreciate the nice things you say about me without even knowing me, but right now in my life I just don't feel good about myself. I guess I feel like maybe I should have done more, and maybe this wouldn't be ending this way. I will check out the movie you recommended and get back to you soon. Thanks again. Your a great spirt lifter in this sad time.

by BTR 21 Posts
Posted on 7/11/2009 12:08 PM

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OH! One more thing I just thought of.... Have you ever seen that movie "Swingers"? If not, watch it. You remind me of the character played by Jon Fabreau. But look at the message it'll give you.

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 7/11/2009 11:29 AM

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I'm so sorry you're hurting the way you are, BTR. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but it's going to be the same ole "Time heals all" schpiel. Don't get me wrong, it's true. Time does heal. It's just not something you probably want to hear right now.

If you think moving to another state would help you with your new start, I say Go For It!

And as far as comparing all women to your ex, you will. And then when you find someone who's into you, wants to be around you, loves you, you're going to compare and realize your ex didn't want that (at least not in the end), and that you are much better off.

Sometimes I feel like I'll be alone the rest of my life, sometimes I don't. But right now, you need to worry about getting yourself back together. Relocate, new job, new home. I have a feeling it'll all work out for you, you sound like a very decent guy and I think a woman will appreciate you for that.

Take care, and remember, this site is awesome for support.

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 7/11/2009 11:27 AM

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