Resentment, how to get passed it

My wife and I are married. Came very close to divorce the last few weeks. She has a ton of resentment towards me. I have never cheated or done anything what I consider really bad like that. But I do know it's a bunch of little things that have added up over our 9 year marriage. The first 3 years of our marriage she never complained at all. Always said she was "non confrontational". Well, the little things added up and over time she went from non confrontational to the extreme opposite. So I am definitely worried. This resentment is not something that just popped up either. She is going to talk to a counselor by herself and I am going to do the same. Just looking for advice on what I should be doing to help the matter. I do know that there is nothing I can say to make it okay.

by Mike71 6 Posts
Posted on 7/5/2009 5:45 PM

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Answers for "Resentment, how to get passed it" (7) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks for all the info.

About her saying something and I possibly wasn't listening, That probably happened a lot after she changed. But the first few years I had to beg and try to get her to talk about issues. She just put them off and I guess she hoped they would go away. I know I did some things that bothered her and I wanted to talk about them so we could get past them. I don't think it's anyone's fault at all either. Just something that happened.

by Mike71 6 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2009 4:52 PM

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That you are both taking initiative to help your marriage is a good start. If choosing to see counselors, I strongly suggest finding those who are "marriage-friendly" or have that view (which you can find online). It will be easier to try to repair your relationship if your counselors are striving to do the same.

Also, seeing a counselor together (again marriage friendly) can help to improve the communication. Learning good communication will help to have real conversations, rather than a blame-fest or yelling-match. It can also help to make you both comfortable in addressing issues when they arise, rather than holding them in and building resentment.

Best of luck. We would love to hear how everything works out.

--Marriages that Work

by MarriagesThatWork 41 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2009 3:04 PM

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It is not your fault that she didn't tell you how she was feeling or that things were bothering her. That you cannot help! But it is quite possible that she did tell you- but you did not hear her. Men tend to tune things out like that.
I am a firm believer in laying things out on the table- I tell someone if something bothers me! Problem is that I have always told deaf ears. And it did no good! So I would stop and bottle things up! And then when I finally opened up again there was a lot of anger behind it!
I guess what I am saying is that make sure you were listening- if you werent it is NORMAL! But just an area you need to work on!
Your marriage is selvagable- with lots of work and forgiveness! Hang in there !

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2009 2:11 PM

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Why was it too late for your husband? Were you guys already divorced ?

by Mike71 6 Posts
Posted on 7/5/2009 8:42 PM

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Counseling should help. My husband let resentment fester and I had no idea what I did wrong. It turns out it was his issues and unfortunately, it was too late once I found out to try and fix it.

I hope you make it. I hate when marriages fail when people just give up. It breaks my heart.

by flutterby 829 Posts
Posted on 7/5/2009 8:30 PM

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Resentment means==remaining angry. So there are definately problems if she is holding a grudge against you. Find out what they are, and fix them. A marriage is the union of 2 good forgivers. It sounds repairable, but both parties must participate to make a marriage. Kev

by kevinwo 733 Posts
Posted on 7/5/2009 7:28 PM

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i really do hope you and your wife can overcome what is going on in your marriage.. maybe the counceling will help her understand you and you understand her..

by cherbear 5182 Posts
Posted on 7/5/2009 5:55 PM

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