Setting the Rules

I'm trying to find out how, in all the chaos of managing divorce, teenagers, job and losing my home, to setting up a routine?? My stbx just decided to stop wallowing in pity and be a parent. I have a PFA on him and its been over a year since I took the kids and moved out. I had worked w/ my kids thru the transition but let them get away w/ much more than I should've out of guilt. Because I left, the kids feel sorry for their dad. I've moved on and have a BF. They know I won't bring him around them but I want time in the evenings once a week nite and one weekend night. The kids are not happy about me dating, they text their dad as to what time I get in. I am their primary caretaker and filled their every need. Its devestating feeling so much guilt when I go out when I am so happy w/ my new relationship. Any clues???

by Hopeful 15 Posts
Posted on 6/29/2009 7:31 PM

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Tags: dating , children , difficult ex , single mom

Answers for "Setting the Rules" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

I think that you should put off the relationship and focus on your kids. Or limit seeing this guy to the times that they are with their dad. Yes, it seems unfair that you can't start a new life, but life isn't fair. In the long run, would waiting another 6 months or so make a difference? It might to your kids. From my experience, teenagers take a huge amount of attention and energy during divorce because the stake are so high. It is easy to loose them at this age to the wrong friends, alcohol, drugs and other bad decisions. Good luck. I know it's hard.

by greengrass 113 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2009 9:45 AM

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Thanks for your feedback. My divorce was final Jan 09. I have not dated since I left my ex March of 08. This is my first experience w/ dating and the kids aware that there is someone else special in my life. I waited a year because I wanted to focus on my kids needs and b/c legally its not a good idea. It was a very lonely year but I hoped when I did date the kids would be better adjusted.

by Hopeful 15 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2009 9:31 AM

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Don't get overwhelmed, don't ask too much of yourself, try to prioritize and be realistic about what you can and can not do.

It seems like sliding from one relationship into another without a clean break and time to recover isn't a good idea for anyone It also sends a bad message about relationships to the kids, that relationships and marriage and committment are not a big deal, and may be stepped into and out of like clothes, simply to suit [no pun intended] one's mood.

by Natalie 729 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 11:31 AM

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you're not divorced yet? are you two in the process of divorce? while all situations are different, it's usually not a good idea for anyone (you/your ex/your kids/ the new person) to start dating until you've 1. divorced and 2. dealt with the marriage and divorce and 3. found a new life and routine for you/your family.

by paula1 12662 Posts
Posted on 6/30/2009 12:04 PM

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