Indifference from my husband

My husband *(separated for almost three months) has a visit planned for today. I feel knots in my stomach, not just for me but for my children. He has canceled the past two visits so I am not even sure he will show today. I need to take control of this situation but don't know how. I attend counseling session by myself as he claims his work schedule makes it impossible for him to attend with me. He lives with his mother and I am not permitted to visit him at her home for some reason. I am loosing hope with each day that passes that I can stay in this marriage any longer. It is bringing me pain and angst, not the joy and love it once did. He tells me that he loves me and says he wants to reconcile, but his actions say something to the contrary.

I love him but his ambivalent attitude is hurtful and making me feel terrible about myself. Any advise for a mom of four who is holding on to her marriage by a thread?

by DGelatko 36 Posts
Posted on 6/28/2009 10:05 AM

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Tags: scared , lonely , angry , deciding

Answers for "Indifference from my husband" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

Talk is cheap and his actions speak volumes about his true intentions and desire.   He is choosing distance and refuge with his mother over working on his marriage.

No one can make you feel bad about yourself.    HIs actions are HIS and have nothing to do with you and your self esteem.     You are only as healthy and strong and vital as you CHOOSE to be.    I have learned that much from this site and the advice on it.

You OWN your happiness or lack thereof.    Only you can control your destiny and joy.

Focus on his actions and do what you need to do to move forward one way or another.    Its a hard lesson that I am still learning. Good luck with your journey.

by pixy 100 Posts
Posted on 7/10/2009 2:53 PM

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Action speaks louder than words. If it's mean't to be, it'll be.

You said you need to take control of this situation. The only thing you can control is yourself. It takes two to "control" a marriage. If he's doesn't desire it or isn't taking steps to properly reconcile, then unfortunately that is out of your control.

Focus on you and your kids' happiness and well-being. Take care.

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 6/28/2009 4:32 PM

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Oh the best thing is to get to use to him life style

by heartofpassion 1 Post
Posted on 6/28/2009 12:59 PM

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You can't make him do the right thing. You can only hope that he will.
Keep trying to make times for visits- if he keeps standing you up you will have to be up front and tell him that you won't keep being available if he is going to treat you that way. It is not fair to you or to the kids.
At this point you need to make sure you are taking care of you and the kids. That is most important! Protect your self some- let him know you can't keep doing this! I would say that maybe he feels he needs to " hide " at mommas for a while and that what he is doing.
Focus on the kids- give him some space and time. But try to realize in your heart that it may very well be over .

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 6/28/2009 10:49 AM

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