do i really have to work with THIS?!

Okay so now my stbx wanted to swich weekends with me. He called me at 630 yesterday morning and asked since he was off could he take the kids. I agreed because that would give me the kids 4th of July weekend. So it was all set and he said he would pick them up Saturday (today) after his "class" (the one he got sentenced to after his domestic battery arrest). I get a call last night while I am at the baseball game with my kids and he says "Oh I want to know if I can take them Sunday and Monday now cause I have stuff to do tomorrow" I said no. You either take them at the agreed time or you don't take them at all. He figures because it's a Saturday night he should go out and drink and flake out on our agreement. This is a pattern of beahvior. Last time we agreed he would keep the kids while I worked. I drive all the way over there and then he refuses to take them and slams the door in my kids faces (this was last week). He hasn't taken them on HIS Mondays the last 3 times it was his Monday (he has them every other Monday) and find some dumb ass reason why he can't take them.... I mean there is a point where I can negotiate and I can work out visitation but COME ON. This is a CONSTANT problem and AFTER he decides he can't take the kids he starts the drunk dialing at 2 am (like tonight I can totally expect to be drunk dialed in the middle of the night tonight). Do I really have to work with him on this?! Every single time he says he's going to take them he flakes and I end up having to tell the kids "Oh nevermind" after I spend an hour packing their things to go!! I'm sick of it!! How much more of this bs do I have to take?! Why should he even have visitation if all he's going to do is back out of it?!

by nomoredrama 36 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2009 1:08 PM

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Answers for "do i really have to work with THIS?!" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

That just doesn't seem fair spaz, but I can see the point. Try and stand your ground nmd, I can't imagine how hard this is. I'm very fortunate cuz my kids are 20 and 16 and make their own plans with their dad. They've been cancelling alot lately and I was feeling sad for him until he started blaming me! I try and encourage them to call, text, see him all the time but they've lost all respect for him since he moved out and they found out about the OW.

DOCUMENT everything! Be strong and do what's best for yourself and your children. Stop letting him manipulate you. I'll be praying for you.

by flutterby 820 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2009 7:29 PM

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It still doesn't count.

Anyone can agree to something then turn around and change their mind - that just means it wasn't agreed anymore.

Some people can work together and swapping times isn't an issue - it is for you - so from now on - just never agree to it.

by spaznskitz 7616 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2009 3:09 PM

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Well our parenting agreement does say "and any other time agreed upon by parties" does this mean if he we agree on it and he deviates from it it doesn't count?

by nomoredrama 36 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2009 1:52 PM

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Here's the thing - any time you deviate from the parenting plan - it's on you for saying yes. After it didn't work out once, any subsequent times you say yes, and there is flaking...you enabled it and you pretty much might want to kick HIS ass....but throw your foot back and hit your own in the process.

It's self inflicted "BS". Stop allowing (or agreeing to) deviances from your plan.

If he doesn't show up or take his visiation when it is scheduled for him to take, and it is a consistent problem, you can take it to court (as long as you are documenting it and prove it) and have his time reduced.

Anytime you deviate from the plan, and it doesn't work out - you can't use that in court.

So write him a certified letter stating that from x date forward, there will be no deviating from the parenting plan (that goes both ways) and you will be documenting any time he does not utilize and will have his parenting time reduced by the court if he does not take his children when he is supposed to.

by spaznskitz 7616 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2009 1:23 PM

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