Help getting thru the pain

So, I am moving out this Sunday and the week has been one BIG emotional Bad dream. I have never felt so many feelings in any given time. I am packing my clothes, cleaning out my stuff and crying all the time. The reality of this slaps me in the face at every turn. My STBX will put the house on the market after I am gone. No I scream in my head!!1 Not my dream house, not my marriage ,not my life! The things that I hold precious, the fabric of my life are being ripped from me one day at a time. The pain is unbearable. Yesterday, I make the decision to put down my cat. She is 24yrs old and can't see so I am constantly cleaning up messes. I can't take her with me and the STBX said he would care for her. If, he cares for her like he did me than I feel sorry for the cat. All, this rambling leads to the fact that my STBX and I got into a huge fight last night. He acts so cold and indifferent. He has time for all his friends but not to show me any concern. When I tell him how painful this is he pounds on the desk and screams I know how painful this is! You don't have to keep reminding me. I leave the house and go for a ride. I reealize that he has left me a long time ago. Yet, that realization does not dull my pain. This morning I tell him that we get along fine as long as I forget I have emotions , feelings , needs and desires. I know this is the right thing to do, but after 35yrs it is so so painful. I just need to feel cared about by someone. Today I feel so low.

by naturespath 44 Posts
Posted on 6/25/2009 7:28 AM

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Tags: leaving , survival , movingout , feelings , pain

Answers for "Help getting thru the pain" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

I am sending you hugs. I know how after having a life with someone for such a long time can be so devastating when they decide that it is time for a change. My ex has done the same after being together for 30 years. I am on my own now and yes it is difficult, but I am taking it day by day. It is not easy, but I keep believing that something good is out there for me and my life will get better. I know that at this moment your life is changing so fast. Try to take it one moment at a time. Talk to someone each day every hour if you have to. Someone who can listen and offer you encouragement. Find a good counselor or a divorce support group. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

by valley01 94 Posts
Posted on 6/26/2009 5:18 AM

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I'm sorry you are going through so much pain. 35 years is so long, so much history. Get your immediate supporters around you all the time (friends, family, etc.). Force yourself to go out to dinner w/them. It will hurt but day by day lessen.
Keep looking forward, don't go crazy looking back.

Take good care of you.

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 6/25/2009 10:34 PM

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You have to talk to someone. You can't do this alone. All I had was a counselor who would not take payments sometimes because she truly understood what I was going through. One day the sun is going to shine again. I did the same thing a year ago. Being an at home mom leaving that home was the worst feeling. I asked my kids if they were ready to leave because mom and dad were not getting along, they immediately agreed they would rather stay with me and we could leave. I took only what can fit in the car and went to my dad's. Now I working, living in my own apartment, stay up if I want, go out when I want, and the sun is shining again for me. The kids are now honor roll students. This has been the best thing for everyone. You will feel better, I promise. In the meantime, you have to go talk to someone. Call the church, synagogue or a spiritual leader.

by teety 1 Post
Posted on 6/25/2009 7:51 PM

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Sweet naturespath. It will get better. In fact, these awful times will turn YOU into such a better person on the backside of this. You are very special to your STBX. People lose their ways and, while it is not repairable today, whatever is BEST will happen for both of you. Take the pain and just know that your sweet natured self will blossom 5 times bigger in a while. It definitely works out just the way it is supposed to. You'll see. The best of us suffer the most. Believe it. When you are ready to be, you will be a lion in this life. You only need to do one thing for now. Just focus on making your actions congruent with your values. And remember, when people are upset, it is because a vulnerability of their OWN is under the spotlight. Anger always comes from within, never without. You are suffering through the collateral damage of changes your STBX is undergoing and really have to accept them for there is nothing you can do about him, what he feels or what he does.

by Icecat 18 Posts
Posted on 6/25/2009 4:45 PM

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Dear nature, I so understand what you are going through. When the man you've loved your entire life says he doesn't love you anymore and hasn't for a long time is heart wrenching. I was totally blind-sided when I found out about the affair. I knew we were having problems but all marriages go through peaks and valleys. Hang in there and take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. That's all any of us can do. I suggest you find a counselor. Mine is amazing and is helping me get through this extremely difficult journey. God Bless.

by flutterby 829 Posts
Posted on 6/25/2009 12:04 PM

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I am so so sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult to reconcile your head and your heart. You are doing the right thing if he cannot behave with any compassion. There will be happiness again. It just takes a while. I just wanted you to know that you can find people who listen and understand here. Keep writing and reading. It will hopefully give you some comfort in the days ahead. I will be praying for you. Best wishes.

by chill 15 Posts
Posted on 6/25/2009 9:42 AM

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