I know I was dick

Dude I have to post here ok. Dam you got it bad  WTF do you mean you were not a good enough husband. YOU WORK she stays home and has a built in baby sitter her momma. I could say allot but would it do any good. so I will say reach down grab your balls and open your eyes it ok to love some one and to want to  provide but being abused is not part of the deal is it. Until you decide what you will put up from another person that your trying with you have to decide what you will put up with and what you won't if that is the way you want to be treated by some one that is suppose to love you then I guess its ok it's your shoes your filling not me doing it. Best of luck on working what you want out and then set the standard as to how  you expect to be treated by by your spouse.

You wrote you want YOUR wife back.  People change.   You are probably invisioning the person you first met.  Before marriage.  Before kids.  The challenge is growing together, as individuals, of course, but on the same path.  You guys have 2 small children.  Circumstances have changed.  Priorities have changed. 

 

You need to ask yourself this.  Does she love person you are right now, and do you love the person she is right now??

The love dare, power of a praying husband, etc, been there done that. As far as cutting my work hours I cut what I can it's hard running a small business and keep the bills paid. I've taking days off to go to the beach with my wife and kids. I'm living with a friend right now to give her "space" to think. Her mom does plenty, there's no reason for there to be much going on when I get home from work @ 7:30. She seemed to just make up stuff to do. The "problems" didn't start till after her mom moved in. I talked to her dad about it the first I time I left and he said it sounded more like her mother than her. Don't get me wrong I don't want to play the blame game. I just want MY wife back. She had a part time job that drove me even crazier mostly b/c of the hours. She would be gone from the time I get home till about 11:30. I felt like I wasn't even married. I'm not making excuses just saying what I was feeling. I have nothing against her mother except that her view of the world is so negative, like nothing good is ever going to happen to her and it flows through to things around her. The "Eeyore" syndrome is the biggest reason her mom and dad got divorced. I would like to say that her mom living with us isn't affecting our marriage but to an extent it is. Her dad is the greatest I couldn't say a bad word about him. He does get long winded but so does my dad. I want my wife to be happy but I also want to share her happiness. I don't want to feel like the fifth wheel so her mom can somewhere with us or do something with us. The more I think about it the less she is around her mom the more she is like the old her. When we are out together we are fine until SHE  calls. Then it's like a mad dash to get home. Sorry I had a rant. I didn't tell her enough how I felt and I am sorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy for that, but I can't change that all I can change is the future. My only fear is she won't be able to let go of the past. I want the best for us and our boys. I wish I knew this B-4.

you sound like you have already given up. I can only assume that things are worse than you describe, because there is no reason that you can't come back from this. If she didn't cheat then there is always a way to get it back. Check online or at your local library for ways of reconnecting with your spouse.  It's obvious that you guys have learned to live seperately in the same house. Teach yourselves to love each other again. Get that "love dare" book or whatever it is that was the basis for the movie "Fireproof." You need to cut your work hours, focus on your wife and kids and make this happen. Even if your wife is unconvinced of your efforts she will eventually come around. What have you got to lose? You sound like you have a foot out the door already. Pull it back in and commit to your wife. Have her get a part time job, cut your hours, have mom help more with the house and kids and spend time alone with your wife away from the house. You can do this if you really want to. You will regret it for sure if you don't give it your all. Good luck.

I think you guys are doing the right thing by seeking a counselor.  Maybe her resentment towards you (like feeling neglected, unapprectiated or whatever she feels) is causing her to 'rebel'. 

It doesn't sound normal that a wife and mother of two young kids to be out all times of the night.  I can understand her wanting to take a break from kids and get out of the house, but it should be with you.

Well, keep us posted on how the session went.  Good luck and hope it goes well.