Need advice, words of wisdom, and well, someone to tell me I am right... in his mind, I am always wrong!

AlwaysBusy, I agree with what you are doing.  The only thing I would recommend is counseling.  I know sometimes I beat that to death but it has helped me immensely.  I would recommend counseling for the 2 of you but it sounds like it might be too late for that. 

You might want to sit your kids down, depending on their ages, and explain your outburst to them.  They obviously know what's going on so if you re-assure them and let them know everything will be ok it will put their mind at ease.  I have had the hardest time separating the divorce from being a mom, but my kids are 20 and 16 and I sometimes talk to them way too much.  I am always encouraging them to talk, text and see their dad but they don't want to because of the affair.  I have got to leave it in God's hands but I'm a fixer and it's hard not to try and "fix" things!  Good luck and I'll be praying for you.

I appreciate all of your words of "wisdom/experience"! I don't feel WRONG for wanting the divorce. Last night I was cussed at again for defending my oldest boy against my husband. He was yelling at him about "oh let your mommy get it for you" because my son was at the table eating and I was by the fridge and he needed something out of it and I got it. So I asked him how is that any different from U going to your moms house and her sending dinner home for you? Then he told me I am such a f#ing bit#h and I lost my cool. All of our 3 children were sitting right there and I felt I had to stand up for myself so I told him I earned every right to be after being married to a f#ing jerk such as you for as long as I have. I know it was wrong to say that in front of the kids but I couldn't just stand there and take it. The example he is setting for the 3 boys is not one that I want my kids to grow up thinking is right. I have made the decision, I am DONE and want OUT now! Needless to say, I told him again that I want a divorce and he is freaking out, asking me how could you do this to me, how could you ruin our marriage, how could you do this if you ever loved me? My responsewas - how fair is it for the 5 of us to have to live this way? He then tells me "the vows that we took say for better or for worse, didn't you hear them?" I told him "ya I did hear those, but never once did I hear its ok to belittle your spouse, put them down, disrespect them, and especially in front of your children". He told me that once he is back to work from being on a short lay off that he will find his own place. But this is all about 30 min before he started text messaging me while I was at work telling me "I won't divorce you, I won't do it!" "You broke my heart, I feel like my insides are being ripped out!" I feel calous, but really, I have cried so many tears and been so hurt by his actions toward me and my children that I just can't take it anymore!

please put your/your kids safety and emotional well being above a house.  it's just four walls.  emotional abuse stays forever.  stay with friends/family/shelter.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines abuse as:

• Calling bad names or putting someone down
• Shouting and cursing
• Hitting, slapping and/or pushing
• Making threats of any kind
• Jealousy and suspicion
• Keeping someone away from family and friends - isolation
• Throwing things around the house

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To recognize whether your partner is abusing you, ask whether your partner:

• Embarrasses you with put-downs?
• Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you?
• Controls what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
• Stops you from seeing your friends or family members?
• Takes your money, makes you ask for money or refuses to give you money?
• Makes all of the decisions?
• Tells you that you’re a bad parent or threatens to take away or hurt your children?
• Prevents you from working or attending school?
• Acts like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even denies doing it?
• Destroys your property or threatens to kill your pets?
• Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons?
• Shoves you, slaps you, chokes you or hits you?
• If you have contacted law enforcement, forces you to try and drop charges?
• Threatens to commit suicide?
• Threatens to kill you?

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If you are a victim of domestic violence, please call:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

I have to ask this why would somthing material come before you and your Kids emotional well being. I am going to say this but it sound alot like control. Some time we use material things that we know someone else loves or wants as a way to control the other person. Once you let go of the material things that allow you to be controlled you may see passed the house and possibly live a life where you and your kids may find peace and not have to be controlled.

I wish you good luck!!!  I left my verbally abusive husband about a month ago and my kids and I are now living in my parents basement.  I felt really bad when I left but now that I've been gone I feel good finally.  I feel good about myself and what I can provide for my kids.  I was a stay at home mom for 8 years and have just got a job which I'm going to be working grave yard shift so I can be here for my kids and still go to school to become a nurse.
You can do it.  We are strong people when we need to be :)  Good luck and you will be in my prayers!!!

I get that you would like to have the house, but to keep it you would have to be able to afford it - you would have to be able to get the mortgage in your name - do you have the financial ability to do that? You can make a HOME anywhere. Even if it is an affordable apartment....

What if he decides to contest you on the home, or custody? Could you afford both the fight and the house?

In some states, leaving the home during the divorce process doesn't mean you lose the right to fight for the ownership of it.

The other thought is to force the sale of the home and buy a new, smaller more affordable one for you and the children, a new place without all of the bad memories.

Definitely go on some free or low cost consultations with local attorneys and see what your options are. Just make sure you keep your mind open to other possibilities.

Having to put up with what he is dishing out is not a good thing for you or your children and you shouldn't have to put up with it, but you are the only one who can make that decision to do something about it. Have you tried contacting an attorney that will give you a free consultation to see what your options are? I know in many cities there are legal aid lawyers that help for people that don't have alot of money. I wish you all the best in your decision

I understand alwaysbusy. It's obvious you've thought this through.  Like I said, I would at least take the time and money to consult with a lawyer and get a better idea of your options.

Thank you Robert-Boyd.  I know only I can determine what is next for my children and I.  I personally don't see things changing in any positive ways and I know when it oes come down to it, I know I will have made the right decision. I thought that this would all work itself out but there is nothing worse than being with someone that tells you how you feel, and don't hear what you are really feeling. 

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, alwaysbusy.  I can't tell you whether you're right or wrong, Neither can anybody else. That's something you need to come to grips within yourself.  True, some "events" point to cause and blame, but divorce is a personal decision, and nobody else can tell you what's in your heart. 

If you're feeling abused, I would recommend checking out the abuse page on this site. Verbal abuse can be just as serious as physical abuse, and they can help you understand what qualifies. What's important is that you realize you DO have a say in your marriage.  If you're husband won't leave, and you feel strongly about divorce, then I recommend talking to a lawyer and find out your options. He may tell you that the only thing you can do is move out, but at least you KNOW and can move forward from there.

I wish you the best. I wish I had more answers for you.