Help

I will never say there is never any hope BUT you cannot make a person love and respect you if they don't want to no matter how hard you try and believe me with 25+ years at stake I tried everything to no avail. He has to want to make this work and no amount of effort on your part will make any difference if he doesn't respond.  My ex kept me on that see saw for about a year and a half before we finally divorced sneaking around and seeing her while leading me to believe that he might find it in his heart to "forgive" me.  He was placing all of the blame on me to try to justify breaking his vows.  So sad....

So I guess you are saying it is hopeless?

I would suggest that you find the book by Dr James Dobson "Love must be tough".  I believe that is the correct title.  I wish I had had this book when I first found out that my spouse had been unfaithful. I have felt the same things you have and can tell you that it's not an easy road you are on but you can make it with God's help. I do know now that before a person cheats that he/she loses respect for the spouse.  Once that respect is lost it makes it easier for them to cheat since they can justify their actions by blaming the other person.  I also know now that the person that cheats has been planning it for a long time and is much further down the road whereas you are just starting the process.  Hope this helps and know I am praying for you and for your children.

Thanks for listening and I am in our house and he is at his parents.  I think he hates me because of what he did and because everytime I do try to talk to him all he does is yell at me.  Like everything that we fought about in our marriage was my fault I took "him" away and now he is finally living again without me I mean he still seeing her wether they are together I dont know or not because he wont talk to me.  One minute he is telling me he still loves me buthe cant go back to what it was like and when I suggest that we go talk to someone he says he is to far gone and cant I dont know what to do I am committed to my vows and obviously he is not.  I hate feeling the way I do the depressed it sucks...I dont know what to do anymore I try to keep busy but the night time is the worse!

I know exactly what you are going through up until May 2009; I was able to contact my husband (my bestfriend) through texting, calling, or emailing.  After he lost his job, he had to give back his company cell phone. He didn't even bother to give me a way to contact him if needed and to he doesn't want to try counseling.

The one thing I can say to you is...THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Don't blame yourself for his ineffective way of communicating with you.  He doesn't hate you he just has so much guilt that it's being misdirected towards you.  He wants you to feel as bad as he does for the betrayal.

If you believe in prayer pray and study the bible it helps a lot somehow it gets your mind refocused on something else besides how to get your husband to talk or to listen to you.  At this stage of the game he is not interested in anything you have to say to him.  Just stay patient and focused on what is good for you and your children.  If you don't believe in prayer, please check into getting yourself some individual counseling.

You didn't fill in a "my story" so I don't have much background to go on.

But from what it sounds, the LEAST he could do is explain how/why this happened, the LEAST he could do is to listen to what pain he is putting you through.

Are you still living together?  Does he see the kids?  Why do you think he hates you?  What right does he have there, I mean he cheated on you, right?

I think he owes you an explanation but your "help" is asking how to avoid calling him like crazy.  Can you stay at a friend's house?  Do you have a girlfriend w/kids your age?  That will keep you busy.   Start calling an attorney. 

This is a good place to spend time.  You can read a lot of stories and see you're not alone. 

Good luck and take care.