I am so confused

I am so sorry you are going thru this. My husband of 19 years did the same thing with a woman in Canada. It started 1 1/2 years ago and he left our family a few months ago. We have filed for divorce.They are still in constant contact via internet, but so far it has not materialized. It is beyond my understanding too. Take care of yourself and your kids. It is hard to compete with a fantasy woman.

Unsure, I went to my weekly counseling session yesterday.  My counselor, without telling me, tallied how many times I mentioned him and my concern for him versus myself and my healing.  It was like 10 to 1.  He consumes my thoughts and it is destroying me.  She gave me some tools and ideas on how every time I "worry" about him etc to turn the focus around to me and my girls.  The girls and I had a wonderful night!  It didn't hurt that I had to call the police yesterday and initiate harassment charges against the OW.  She has emailed me 6 times now in the last 2 months.  That felt good knowing that she is now on file and she just has to email me one more time and I can nail her.

I completely agree. If its not emotionally there in a marriage what do you have?

Cheating is cheating...All that time and energy he is putting into an online relationship, he could be putting into your marriage...I would recommend counseling, if he won't go, then you need to decide if you can live with a cheater or not and make your decision from there...To me, I believe sharing emotionally is more damaging that just lust...May be crazy but giving pieces of your heart to someone else while married is the worst kind of cheating in my opinion....

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this...first of all, I would completely cut off his texting....why should you have to pay for it? Let him find another way to talk to her on his own dime.  Secondly, you cannot make this work all alone...he must be willing to work on things in order for them to work...I know that sounds bad, and it hurts terribly but you, alone cannot fix it and I found that out myself with my ex and his cheating OW.   His words do not mean anything if he is not willing to back it up with actions. Go see a counselor by yourself to help YOU to get through this, look after yourself and stop worrying about how much HE needs YOU.  Take care and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ((hugs))

I also talked with him about going to couseling. He just ignores me. He hates my constant questions. I feel like we have nothing to say to each other because I am pulling to get him to talk to me. What does she have that I don't Am I not loving? I just don't understand all of this.

Its only gotten worse. She sent him a text saying she loves him. I deleted it. I don't know what to do anymore. I know she lives in Australia. Whats going to stop her from coming here? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. I try to keep my head up. Its like he feels guilty about things with her and trys to be nice to me but it just makes me more confused. One minute he loves me then the next he doesn't know. How do you not know if you love someone or not? I don't want to leave because I feel like he needs me. I know hes going through alot right now and I told him I am here for him. I just don't understand he says nothings wrong with me. He told his cousin I'm his enemy. What does that mean? I am so confused. I go to a counselor on Friday to talk to someone. I am falling into a deep depression with no end in sight. I am caught between my happiness and my love for him. I can't eat, barely sleep, and feel lonely. It hurts the most that they talk to each other while I'm sitting in the same room. He doesn't care about my feelings. I can't make him stop, until he wants to. I'm just ranting now.

Well, what do you WANT to do?  Make an action plan...and for God's sake, stop paying for his infidelity!

There's really nothing you can do to compete with a fantasy.   He has shown you by his refusal to stop all this nonesense that this search for his ego gratification is more important to him than your marriage.   What can a person say to that?  Its pure fantasy and a fight you can't win. 

I would give him some real life space and time apart to assess what is really important to him.

Believe me I know how you feel.My husband did the same thing w/a teenager from Sweden.He told me it was b/c it made him feel special and he knew nothing would come of it b/c of the distance.I now know he was/is ging thru a mid-life crisis and he needed this to make him feel like he could "get"someone else.He ended up hurting his family(we are now separated) and the little girl who was stupid enough to believe his lies.

My advise would be to get out! Its a no win situation.

I wonder if the girl in Australia is leading him on hoping to get US citizen status.  I was in Australia a couple mos. ago and met this girl on the plane.  She had just flown to Texas to meet a guy she met on the net (she's Australian).  She was saying she was going to marry him (they saw each other for a weekend) and move to America.

Tell your husband he may be a sucker.

A lot of my marital problems were worsened by the internet.  If he refuses to go to marital counseling, go to counseling yourself, so you can learn how to leave him.  He sounds just like my soon to be ex:  All his love and attention and sympathy and empathy goes to his internet friends.  He gave me nothing and wondered why I was so stressed. 

Oh boy, how do I say this without sounding cynical?  Sweetie, what you need to do is start counseling, RIGHT AWAY!  You talk to them about your marriage and the circumstances you are in.  You find out what you possibly could change for yourself, such as, I found out that I am a classic co-dependent, and I am working on those issues.  You ask him to go to separate counseling with you.  If he refuses there is nothing you can do about it.  You need to focus on yourself, re-gaining your self-esteem, becoming healthy for yourself and your children.  Then you will be stronger to make the decision as to what your future holds.  I lived with a pathological liar, sex addict, now adulterer for 22 years.  I am learning for the first time in my life that I am worthy of so much more than what I had.  I became emotionally bankrupt.  Do what is best for YOU.  It is extremely difficult.  But the sooner you start, the sooner you can make decisions about your future and heal your marriage or move on.  I will be praying for you.