Just plain weird

Doesn't matter what her motives are, you'll never figure them out.  Since you two have a history of having these things go wrong I would just politely explain that "in time, I would like us to participate in family time, however, for now, I think space is a better option for all of us".  True and shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.

HIC, I am sorry that you are in a place that you feel you have to worry about motives...Hopefully things will settle before too long and you can just focus on enjoying time with your son...Hang in there and btw, you sound better...Hope that is the case...

I turned her down. Had to.  Not fair at all to our son.  We always...yes, always..had fun as a family together.  Whether it was camping, hiking, many road trips, etc.

I can't have him thinking there hopes that mom and dad will get back together.  Not going to happen.

HIC, the paranoia cops in your head are on overtime today.  If you want to spend more time with your son, take him on Saturday and go have a blast. 

Keep the focus on the kid, and you'll do fine.

No shit Spaz.  It's leverage in court if it goes that far, if anything.

HIC - ever stop to think that her wanting to spend time together has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your and her relationship as a couple, but more regarding your and her relationship as....PARENTS? She doesn't want you back, she's made that quite clear, but that isn't going to stop her from trying to come together as parents...she's trying to get to a different page with you. You don't seem to even be reading the same book at the moment.

Now I fully support not spending time together esp when nothing is finalized and how confusing it would probably be for your son at this point.

However, you getting all salivatory over the fact you now have a text about her saying let's spend time together is really off mark. As much as you want it to be about you....it isn't.

Why don't you tell her you would love to spend a day with her and your son, but ask her if you'd be mislead by going. 

She must know (since you preach therapy before getting a divorce) that you want to try and work out the marriage.  Tell her it may give you some false hope of a reconciliation and you can't handle that and also would it be misleading your son into thinking you guys may be back together.

Unfortunately I have to base it on her past actions.  Although, texting to me that she wanted to spend time together when most of her legal argument is based on her NOT wanting to get back together is beautiful.

Trying to work it out with the least attorney involvement.  We'll see...

I'm a looooooooooooooong time out of law school HIC, and one thing life taught ME is to not look for zebras where horses graze.

In that your argument to her at first about not giving her the entire weekend for the exchange of Saturday on Father's day weekend was unfair to you, and in that you more than likely did not give her ANY explanation as to why you chose to give her the weekend anyway, nor did you probably really give any true indication there were no "strings" to it. (aka Saturday)...I have a feeling she wanted you to take Saturday for the exact reason you aren't taking it...she thinks YOU are up to something since, you have to admit, what you did regarding last weekend is a 180 from who you normally are 24/7 with her.

I think you just screwed yourself (and your son) out of a great and fun father's day weekend due to your own manufactured paranoia - but that's just my opinion....

Meh. HIC, sometimes gut decision is right decision; no investigative logic or tireless review of argument is needed.

It might be ok just to make snap decision about this one. Which you have done, yes? With the answer being No.

I always feel better when I make a decision and stick with it, no matter what paranoid peanut gallery is sounding off in my head.

"So you two came to the agreement that you would give up your weekend last weekend so she would have the full weekend she wanted, and you would have Father's day."

- No. I just told her she could have him last weekend. Nothing attached, nothing required. I made that decision.

I come from experience, and it has told me to be careful and watchful of this woman.  Don't they teach you, in law school, to review every argument from several different sides and make your decision based on experience and logic?

Welcome to my world.

Now hold up HIC, you wanted the whole Father's day weekend - it was a big issue to you and you two got into a fight about it since she originally said no because you refused to give her the whole Mother's day weekend.

She also didn't want to give you all of Father's day weekend because it was the ONLY weekend she had in full all month with your son.

So you two came to the agreement that you would give up your weekend last weekend so she would have the full weekend she wanted, and you would have Father's day.

That is what normal people in shared parenting do...you communicated, and you came to a compromise.

Now, all of a sudden, you are getting all paranoid and thinking there is going to be some subterfuge going on over Father's day weekend so you gave it up?

WTF?

Sorry, but this is NOT going on your wife - she was urging for you to take your time that you two had come to an agreement on, and when you declined out of your own ridiculous paranoia she decided to take your son to what you originally planned on doing with him Saturday and did the honorable thing of inviting you....regardless if you accepted or not she was trying to be nice & be true to your agreement somehow.

You have GOT to get over this whole "she's out to get me I don't know when I don't know where and I don't know how but she is I know it" if you are EVER going to work together effectively as co-parents.

You two had a perfectly wonderful arrangement that accommodated her wants and needs and your wants and needs - for the FIRST TIME EVER! and you have to go screw it up with your delusion of her using it against you somehow.

HOW? HOW? Could she use it against you? What possible scenario did you dream up in your mind that could lead you to think anything of the sort?

I hate to be cynical in these types of situations but this is what happened to me.  An invitation is extended, you don't think it's the best thing, so you politely declined.  Then, he tells the kids and his family, well I tried and she turned me down.  But, if you agree, then you are giving the kids false hope.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  I'm sorry you are in this predicament.  For me I am struggling really hard keeping the divorce and my kids relationship with their dad separate.  They are 20 and 16.  They know what's going on and we discuss things.  Then I'm told that I shouldn't have said anything but they initiated it.  Aaaarrrggghhh!!!

I don't know if you are religious or not but try and pray about it.  I am learning alot about boundaries and such so maybe this is just a matter of establishing one of those boundaries with your stbx.  I'll be praying for you this weekend.  Happy Father's Day!

Also, that's interesting:

1. You can have your son on Saturday even though it's my parenting time.

Followed immediately by,

2. I'm taking him to festival on Saturday; you're welcome to join us.

Hm.

?

I think spending time together as a "family" would be tremendously difficult in addition to being a false message to your son. Make her understand that potential effect on him, because that is the most important aspect here.

If this is possibly a veiled attempt at resuming spousal relationship with you, and if you *want* that, any time spent together has to be done *not* in the company of your child.

Sometimes we forget that the parenting relationship is really, really separate from the relationship between man and wife (divorced or not). In a contentious divorce there really is not room for spending time as a "family" anymore. Too much trouble in the husband-wife realm to make that time anything but tense or false.

I don't think it is ever unreasonable to say "No". If you think "No" is unreasonable, you can gentle it by saying "No thank you. I appreciate the offer, but, no." *hugs you*

For your son's sake I would be civil with her but given her history I would stay far far away of "socializing" with her. Draw a very clear line in the relationship and stay out of reaching distance on your side.