How Im coping.....

My STBX are separated. I filed for divorce due to his SA/Porn compulsion, lying and cheating. He is in a relationship with an 18 year old girl (he's 36) after having had several recent flings. But, I digress. There are alot of issues that I am dealing with right now and I have 2 kids who are the priority. So, dating is out of the question. Going out with friends is tricky - most are married and those who are not, are into the bar scene. Not my groove. So, Im pretty much on my own. How do I get thru this? Im a little depressed - I admit it. But its reasonable to be sad about the end of your marriage, isnt it? Im sad that my family has been torn apart and I am trying to come to terms with the life that I have to build POST divorce. This is not easy especially becasue I have so many responsibilties on my own - house, kids, car, mortgage, etc etc. One of the ways that I am dealing with this is to immerse myself in shows and movies about divorce. I find it strangely cathartic to watch other people go thru the process. I have watched the now defunct TV series Once and Again (Billy Campbell, Sela Ward) 3 times and find it particularly helpful. If anyone is familiar, it chronicles the lives of 2 families with children torn apart by divorce and the series follows them as they rebuild new lives. I love it. It may sound weird, but I have found it so therapeutic to because I can relate to so many characters and how they feel at various stages and on differnt levels. I have cried many times watching the show and I have learned alot about myself watching the characters as they suffer through the various stages of the divorce and life afterwards. Next on my list is Judging Amy (Amy Brenneman), and then the defunct show Sisters (Sela Ward). I know its not healthy to isolate myself and to stay in all the time, but leaving my kids to go out is not an option and I have too many priorities that come before dating and friends. This is something I reserve to do after my kids are in bed at night and on Friday and Saturday nights because I am alone right now. Its my guilty pleasure. Its how I cope and how I am getting thru. For now. Has anyone watched any of the above? Does this make sense?

by AnaBella72 193 Posts
Posted on 5/31/2009 12:51 PM

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Tags: depression , divorce , custody , cop[ing , skills , tv , custody , kids

Answers for "How Im coping....." (2) (You must be logged in to answer)

I'm glad you have found some sort of release and comfort in your TV shows. Its good to have an outlet.

At some point though you are going to need human adult interaction. I understand you have kids and they are a priority but you need to proactively take care of yourself and to do this you'll need more than TV shows. So consider taking care of yourself with therepy, Divorce Care group, community organized groups for single parents, etc. You should also make sure you are exercising on a regular basis, eating well and sleeping consistently. All these are forms of selfcare that will pay you back when things get really tough.

You kids will need a strong and healthy mother so you need to know that it is OK to get out of the house and to care for yourself. You cannot do this alone and the internet and television are fine for what they are but are not complete support systems, especially during the long haul of divorce.

Just some things to consider in addition to watching television.

by timless 781 Posts
Posted on 6/1/2009 10:49 AM

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I don't watch much tv. There is no set plan on how to get through this...What works for you is what you should do...I understand about being overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities...I am still there, getting better at it but still overwhelmed at times...My kids are teens so I don't have to worry about babysitters or anything like that...I take my kids regularly with me to a lot of things...I don't drink much but I do volunteer at the local American Legion and while they make fun of my diet coke, I have met many people in the community and it has helped me to develop a whole social set outside of what used to be "our" friends.

A lot of times, it is the little things that get help...So don't underestimate something that makes you feel good no matter how small it may seem, if that is a tv show then go for it...I would say that for me, it helped to get out and get more social...If it is the wrong type of social thing, it can make you feel worse in a way...I went to a military ball in Feb and that was rough, I didn't really enjoy the experience but I was still glad I went because I proved to myself that I could do it...I didn't have to have a date to go to functions...

Putting your kids first is what you do as a parent but you do have to learn at this point how to put yourself first every once in a while...That is hard to do after a lifetime of putting others first but in the end, it will be a good experience for you...I had my first pedicure in April and was amazed at how good it made me feel....Just some random thoughts, hope it makes sense and hang in there...

by militaryp 2950 Posts
Posted on 5/31/2009 1:27 PM

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