What to do, what to do??!!

Need a little advice, some new perspective ...

My stbx has an unpredictable work schedule. He is allowed to change his shift at work every 3 months, between a day or afternoon shift and what hour day he works, depending on if the hour shift he wants is offered on the day/afternoon shift. Sound confusing? Me, too. He also never has the same days off every week and only has one weekend off per month. Naturally this creates somewhat hectic chaos when it comes to keeping the kids (ages 5 & 21 months) on any type of schedule or routine. Now the stbx has announced that he has changed his shift (again) which starts on June 14 and is a 12 hour work day. On the 12 hour work day, he seems to have 2 days off for every 3 or so days he works. He said he will be picking up the kids at 6:30pm on the night prior to his stretch of days off so he can get his '3 nights in' with the kids. Nevermind the fact that the kids have a 7:00pm bedtime. Nevermind that he rarely gets out of work on time and can guarantee that he can pick the kids up at his stated time of 6:30pm. Nevermind the fact that the oldest will be starting school in 3 months, why bother trying to maintain any routine, right? My quesion is, do we have to continue to let his schedule dictate everything that pertains to the kids as far as custody/visitation goes? Or do I have any rights to request that if you, stbx, choose to do (A) then (B) has to happen. Will a judge allow the little ones to be bounced around like that during the schoolweek because it 'works' for the stbx? Or will a judge want to see the kids remain in one home during the schoolweek? The kids legal residence is mine & they will be attending school in the district where I live, not where he lives. I just can't imagine trying to keep up with this chaos once we throw school days into the mix!! I'm feeling very frustrated and unsure of how to handle this!!

Any help will be welcome!! Thanks very much!!

by Sunflower2 294 Posts
Posted on 5/30/2009 9:53 PM

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Tags: work schedule , school , custody , visitation

Answers for "What to do, what to do??!!" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

I agree with ecletic that the judge might be sensitive to the needs of the kids. However, I would suggest that you come up with some really good options that show that you are a wonderful human being and that you understand the importance that the father is in their lives, blah, blah, blah. Rather than marching in and saying "this is best, this is what I want, he can't do this...." have an alternative. Good luck. I know that times are tough, but has he done anything about trying to find a job with a work schedule more accommodating to his kids?

by greengrass 113 Posts
Posted on 5/31/2009 9:59 AM

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Take your order to his employer and see if they can give you a copy directly since he typically forgets. I know my boss is very accomodating to X spouses. She knows that communication is often difficult if non-existant.

by eclectic 268 Posts
Posted on 5/30/2009 10:50 PM

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He has been 'ordered' to give me his schedule. But it typically is 'forgotten' until a couple days before he is to have the kids. Not very considerate of the children or myself and it is difficult to plan much of anything. I don't know what I'm doing week-to-week, don't know where the kids will be. I feel like I have revolving-door children.

by Sunflower2 294 Posts
Posted on 5/30/2009 10:33 PM

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That is beyond hectic. How could you ever plan anything out when you don't know for sure what three days he is going to have the kids!?
My X works construction so his start times and end time change on a daily basis and somedays he doesn't know when he will be done until he is done! Our custody agreement has the kids with me Monday - Friday since I work the traditional 7 - 4. He gets the kids the 1st, 2nd, & 4th weekend. I payed heavily in the $$ settlement, but I couldn't stand the thought of 3 here 4 there 4 here 3 here or 7 here 7 there, knowing he wouldn't be there most of the time. Given your kids ages I would hope a judge would see that keeping them on a consistant schedule would be in their best interest.

by eclectic 268 Posts
Posted on 5/30/2009 10:15 PM

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wow, thats pretty confusing... i think you will have to talk to your attorney about a regular schedule for the kids. they will need it when they do start school. its not easy for them if they are going from place to place . i would ask spaz she will know the answer to that....

by cherbear 5182 Posts
Posted on 5/30/2009 10:04 PM

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