Kids and exes

Opinions, please? My husb and I are separated. He took me to court for temporary custody, with the result that I have primary custody and he has the kids one evening a week and every other weekend. He has a history of putting the kids in the middle.
Our 14 yr old son is in Boy Scouts. Sometimes STBX will plan something that Boy doesn't want to do. Or want Boy to volunteer in a scouting activity, against his wishes. Boy is trying very hard to ride the middle of this without taking sides. But sometimes he wants me to intervene with his dad and get him out of something that STBX insists he do.
Do I let them work it out themselves? Should I step in (especially when these things are planned on "my" weekends)? STBX doesn't listen to the kids very well, even when they clearly state their wishes. I realize that sometimes parents have to make kids do things they don't want to do. I just don't know how to handle this.

by GreenEyedCat 28 Posts
Posted on 5/23/2009 2:32 PM

Get Alerts!

send to friend

Send to a friend

Kids and exes on divorce360.com

E-mail: Separate multiple addresses with commas(,)

From (Your name) :

Your e-mail address:

3	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Tags: kids , in the middle , custody

Answers for "Kids and exes" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

It is hard to know when to intervene on your child's behalf and when to let them work it out. My daughter is 16.......never sees her dad due to his verbal abuse, anger and the fact that on the day that I had to get out of the house (for my physical safety) and he knew I had called 911 on him, he told her to pack a bag and get in the car and they were never coming back!! And then tried to leave the state. Of course the court didn't say she shouldn't see him....they just thought she should go to counseling so she could trust him again and then start seeing him soon! HA! Currently he will call her cell and leave voice mails and she might text him back on occasion. In this situation, i try not to interfere and let her guide what there is of their relationship. The ball is kind of in her court, due to her age (even the judge admitted that) but she remains afraid of his anger and responses to the fact that she doesn't want to see him. So, at times it is good to step in and be a voice for your child.....and hope that your ex sees it that way, and doesn't assume you are telling your child to not see him. Good luck!

by LynnK 6 Posts
Posted on 7/21/2009 7:52 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

If the ex plans somthing on your parenting time you really aren't obligated to do it. With some people you have to just stick to the rules until your kid is old enough to have a say in court on visitation. I dont think the judges care enough about how the kids feel or what is really going on in families

by flap38 17 Posts
Posted on 5/31/2009 6:39 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

If your stbx is planning these things on your parenting weekend, neither you nor your son are obligated to attend.

If it's on his weekend time, it's his call, he's the dad.

by delia_M 2861 Posts
Posted on 5/23/2009 3:27 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

its very hard to intervene. i had the same problems with my ex.. he is 14 sometimes they have to work it out themselves.my son is 14 and just now has started to work things out with his dad.. if he does not want to visit he will just flat out tell him and sometimes his dad will say its ok, or force him to go.. the more you push them to do things they dont want to do the more they will rebell later. i have 3 kids and my 18 year old does not like to visit her dad at all.so he better be careful it could backfire on him..i know this from experience.. and recently..

hope its gets worked out soon

by cherbear 5182 Posts
Posted on 5/23/2009 3:07 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.