My husband squeezed my 4 year olds neck but didn't leave a mark

I agree with Delia_M, make an appointment with a therapist and have your son evaluated.  My ex left our daughter alone twice in her apartment when she was 5.  Currently she's 6, and has a phobia of sleeping in her bedroom, and wants someone to be with her at all times in the house.  Children remember vividly of what happened to them.

This may be a drastic action, but you may want to contact Child Welfare Services.

I had to also carefully approach the court with my ex's drug/alcohol problems while I worked on getting supervised visits for him with our kids.  While you are planning your "escape"  I think you have to also stop and think what the judge might think about you staying after you know this happened - I totally understand what you are saying - but you need to speak to an attorney who can help you document.  I went to the extreme of going to the police once when he beat me up in front of the girls and children and family became involved BUT it was documented and used later in our divorce. So do not just look at what you have to prove against him but also stop and look at what you have to prove about you.

Begging pardon but a person who is able to calculate about legal efficiency is going to be neither helpless nor powerless in the world beyond "abusive" marriage. I say it in quotes because what the legal system and what we term "abuse" are weirdly different things, and the justice system is largely indifferent to any abuse that is not bleeding black and blue.

For domestic abuse (man hitting woman, pets  or children) it is very difficult in state of CA.  I was a victim, even marred on my body (arms - sign torn off), my eyes hit and my legs bitten on the calves, not mention emotional abuse to the max.  For you -  you have children -  it is worse.  However, in a physical fight in CA call the police and they must take one of you in.  Press charges against your man immediately if he attacks  physically (I was stupid and did press charges not even though I had to got to hospital three times and doctors urged me to press charges).  Finally I ended it - it could be for your life and your childrens emotional and physical  marring forever - get out of there now, there is no such thing as a perfect plan.  Get a criminal attorney and s/he will tell you how to get evidence.  Best to get him out but difficult - I could not.  The laws in cA are bad and do not help women enough as far as I am concerned.  I had been hit on the eye, bitten on the leg and the police took me to jail?  Ha!  ridiculous - smooth talking, calm and lying husband.
Again - there is not a perfect plan - you have to move and move fast - for your kids or pets - if you disregard yourself....

Sorry Felix...I'm going to have to agree with ajulia on this one.  It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.  She did not witness the action firsthand, there are no marks to prove it, and law enforcement would be powerless to do anything other than make a report, but there wouldn't be any prosecution.

And abuse victims DO need an exit strategy before leaving, otherwise, they my find themselves powerless and helpless once they get out there on their own, and are forced to return to their abusers.  It's very easy to say "get out NOW" when you aren't in that situation...much more difficult when you don't know where your next meal comes from for you and your child, though.

That said, I agree that ajulia should take the child into the doctor's office and examined by a physican, who can question the child and is, by law, required to report all instances of abuse to the authorities.  No prosecution may come of it, but it puts him on the radar screen.  Also get the child into counseling...the child may not be able to testify at trial, but his counselor CAN act as his advocate for what's in his best interest.

If nothing else, this incident should light a fire under you for getting that exit plan into place much more quickly.  Start calling abuse hot lines and get those ducks in a row, pronto!  I wish you luck with all of this...keep us posted and stay safe!

Make an appointment with a counselor for your child. Four years old is not too young to be examined for either physical or psychological abuse by a professional. How did it come about that he told you dad grabbed his neck?

If your husband is abusive toward your kids and you haven't taken them and *left* him yet?

What does that say about the quality of *your* parenting? You are waiting for better evidence for your case for custody? And potentially putting your children in danger, by still living with an abusive man?

Do you *really* want to put your 5-year-old through testifying?

I have to tell you, if I were a judge, I'd be tempted to award custody to the other party based on that alone.

"Believe me, I have every intention of leaving my husband and doing whatever it takes to protect my children but I need to make sure that I have a carefully prepared exit strategy."

If my husband did this to our 4-year-old I would be at him IMMEDIATELY about it. This is not something you wait on, for carefully prepared *anything*.

You tell your POS husband you know what he did to your kid and that if he *ever* lays a hand on your child that way again you are going to have the police out, charges filed, divorce, the whole nine yards, and you will clean him out.

Only *you* know whether it is real threat to your child. If it is, don't you dare wait for carefully prepared exit strategy. Do something about it NOW.

Post this question in legal answers. Spaznskitz is a family llaw attorney on this site and she is even in CA. She will advise.
Like you said. Make sure you are legally protected in ANYTHING that you do..