Me and my husband have been married for 12 years. During our courtship I found out that he wasnt committed. We discussed it. He said he'd stop. Soon after we were married he admitted that he'd been with someone a month before we were married. I went ballistic on him. From then on he didnt trust me with private information. From then on I was VERYYYYYY controlling, yelled allot at him (at least once a week), and constantly accused him of cheating on me. Later found out that he wasn't. But, after 7 years of marriage he informed me that he wanted a divorce. I talked him out of it. But, continued my controlling behavior. Soon after I found out that he was having an emotional affair with a woman in a far away state. I made him break it off with her. Change phone number etc.,. This went on back and forth for years. He even left me two years ago, and I got him to come home, but was stil insecure and controlling. I began to be a little less irate and controlling this year and started to trust him again. In the summer he told me he didnt want to try anymor. Then, i found out that he had met with the woman intimately three times this year. This time i didnt insist that he end it. I feel he needs to make the decision and have some form of control of his life. Now I am just sitting back waiting for him to talk, break up with her, or something. As you can guess with my behavior he doesnt talk much/ iThe affair is still going on over the phone. Since I found out he hasnt gone to see her again. Because Im less controlling and giving each other space I see a change in him. He is more attentive and loving. Hes doing things that he hasnt done in months. The waiting is killing me. He's a great father and provider. We get along great when Im not controlling. We have a great time together. If only we could get this adultery behind us. I feel hes punishing me for my insecurity. Am I doing the right thing by letting the affair die on its own? Should I tell him to leave if he goes to see her again? Should I give myself a date for him to end it? PS I also know that she is at the end of her rope with the whole thing.