Forgiveness

I have let go of most of the anger...It still rears its head at times but isn't as intense or as lasting...I forgave him...not for him, because he shows no remorse, but I did it for my own peace...It was a weight lifted off of me...At this point, I don't think it matters to him whether or not I forgave him...It might matter to him at some point in the future, but right now, he is in his own little world...It was also the start of more positive feelings within myself...It was a huge step in my healing process...

I'm working on forgiveness. Whether it leads to reconciliation or not is impossible to say (and, in some ways doesn't really matter). What's most important to me is that there is no one in my life that would make me cringe or move to the opposite side of the street if we met in public.

I just don't want to have to schlep all that anger. In baggage terms, anger is heavy and doesn't travel well at all.

Hmmmmmmmm yes I forgave my ex just as soon as I hit the door matter fact I forgave each indiscression right after it happen. Could be called stupid on my part because it just sent a singnal that I accepted it. It took me longer to forgive my self. I look at it this way I have to forgive it is written. But I am not the one that has to stand  and account for any of it when the time comes. When I left I knew I had done my part in the marriage.

It is hard to forgive when someone does not believe they did anything wrong by cheating and abandoning his family/children.

It is hard to forgive when they don't ask for forgiveness nor do they act with any remorse for their actions.

Just when I feel like I'm moving on and have forgiven, he says or does something that exemplifies that he doesn't get it and he doesn't feel bad about it, and then the anger rises again.

It's not easy, as many can tell you from experience.

How do you forgive?  Does the hate in your heart have to be gone?  Do you just brush off all of the future plans, and trauma you have been thrust into?  Do you look your children in the eyes and say it is ok to do this to other human beings?  Do you tell them you just have to accept it cause "it is what it is" (I hate that statement).  When you believed and your children believed that we were happy and then all of a sudden you find out 1/2 of your life was a lie...how do you forgive that?

Forgiven?  Hmmmm...not quite.  In order for me to completely forgive her, I would have to hear from her why she did what she did and why she chose to do it that way rather than try and work on the marriage.  But I don't hate her, so that's something...and it's enough for me.

I forgave my ex as only then was I able to move on but have not told her as it would make no difference to her as in her mind she is not guilty of anything and still continues to see her married b/f.

When I started DivorceCare about 6 weeks after we separated I thought that forgiveness would come years later.  By the time that I finished DivorceCare I was ready to say that I forgave him.  I did it because I wanted things to be right between God and I.  I learned in DivorceCare, you can tell someone that you forgive them even if at that point in time you don't feel it and you can work towards feeling it.  But I felt it.  When I went to where he is living, and knocked on the door, he came to the door and I asked him to come outside.  He refused, I asked again and he refused again.  I told him why I was there and he just said, "OK"  called the dog back in and then shut the door.  I later called his voicemail and told him that I didn't do that because I didn't want him back, it was because I wanted to get right with God.  I was done.  Melaine

Sure have.  Forgiven myself too. 

I don't think my ex would understand and quite frankly we have no reason to talk so we don't.  I haven't really been able to forgive the OW (who was a friend).  Just need a little bit more time I think.

Yes I have forgiven him. Yes I told him. Like Trisha x he just looked at me, he feels he has done no wrong. To forget I don't think we forget things in this life. We learn from it, grow from it and move on.

I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I told him I forgave him and truly meant what I said.

My prayer was not to become bitter and by God's grace I have not. 

 

Wow, your responses are great! Thank you! As you all may see, I have come a long way from where I first started. I am now at the point of offering forgiveness. I think this will help me more than him in the long run (I could be wrong) as I think he really wants to be my friend now and really feels bad about what has transpired. Read: The grass is not greener on the other side!!!!! But either way I forgive him. I know he did not intentionally do this to hurt me, I know that he did  not know how to handle the situation. I also know that he hurt me and the children terribly and that will not be forgotten. I know that because I may forgive does not mean I forget and that will take a long time.  I will need time to work through my emotions and work through my hurt. And whether he likes it or not he will have to give me this time. I think he understands and is willing to wait. I think he knows that he did wrong in this whole thing, I think he knows that he went about it the wrong way. I think he sees that the grass is not greener on the other side and feels like crap for it. Well good, maybe he is learning good for him. I am learning and growing too, to have the balls to actually forgive him for hurting me like no other is huge in my book. But if it will help in my growth and help me be the person I want to be then I will do it. I have said in this whole time that I refuse to let a negative situation change who I am in a negative manner. I think this willl make me a better person. Its scarey, its hard but I think in the end its worth it!

I forgave my 1st. ex after many months, and yes I told him I did during one of the many late night conversations when he would call just to talk. There was a bonus I didn't expect, it made him feel like shit! ; )

I have forgiven but my spouse continued the affair.  I still have forgiveness even I know I have to divorce.  I tried very hard but they refused to end the affair.  I guess that tells me the other relationship was more important than our family and marriage.  Very sad situation but I am okay with it now that i know what must do.....

I have a great deal of empathy for my ex. I don't wish him any ill will. Have I told him this. Yes. I haven't said I've forgiven him because he doesn't think he has done anything wrong. He would turn it around on me. He's great at that.

I know how I feel about what he did and it really doesn't matter if he knows or not. As long as I know I have forgiven him that's all that matters to me.

I'm still working on it.  I know that if I want to be happy again, I have to forgive him.  Also, if I'm to be the Christian I say I am.....I have to forgive him.  All the hate I have for him will do nothing but hurt me and fester the rest of my life away.  I'm not willing to live like that.

Someday (hopefully soon), I'll be able to forgive.  Forget, now, is a different story altogether!

Absolutely.   I have forgiven myself and him and have told him that many times.    We co-parent our 7 year old daughter and he is the best father in the world to her.    We have a lot of years left before she moves on to college and beyond and I want to keep our communication positive and productive.    

I don't want a bunch of anger and bitterness anywhere near my life.   So for me, forgiveness was the way to have that life and that means forgiving myself and him for all past mistakes.

He is a man that has many great qualities and is an awesome friend.  I just didn't want him as a husband after he cheated and didn't think it was all that bad a mistake to make.  LoL.

I want our lives to be lived with care and love and respect so I act accordingly.     My daughter benefits all the way around and her happy, compasionate and loving demeanor shows me I made the right choice.

Its not always possible to have this kind of relationship with an ex.    I've read about such horror stories from members on this board and I completely understand that my situation is not the norm.     But that is all the more reason I made the best of mine and did what it took to lose the anger and bitterness.   

I would like to think that someday I will forgive and let it all go. To hold on to it would only hurt me more than her. She will never feel the hate running living in me, but I will.

At this point however, I have to much negative from others to even begin to forgive her or anyone. I hope someday I can.

i really am not bitter, i am divorced for 7 years but i still cant forget.. i have moved on and i am in a better place now, so are my children.. thanks...

My soon to be ex husband caused I and my children lots of mental and emotional pain and almosy a yr later and couseling, I have told him I have forgiven you, but not forgotten and moved on and I feel really good about it. Forgiveness is good, so u dont stay bitter and angry and so u can move in healthy mental manner!!!

i can not forgive my ex..he has hurt me way too much. physically and emotionally.. the hurt will never go away, i can try and forget but i dont think i can forgive him.. he will never acknowledge that he even did anything wrong. he will always think that the divorce was my fault not his..