So hard to have faith

Thank you for that, Angielou.  God definitely had a hand in the passing of your parents.  And He gave you and your sister the strength you needed when you needed it.

I just keep praying he'll give me the strength I need when I need it...which is very soon.  But I have to admit, the level of direct intervention he gave your parents would be much so much easier.

My marriage was not the greatest in the best of times.  I am a believer and he was more of an agnostic.  I would pray for him each night to come to the Lord.  Paul tells us that  my husband was made holy through his marriage to a believer.  I pray for him more now than I did before.....what will happen to his soul now?

Sorry, off topic, but I firmly believe that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to.  There is a season and a reason.  It's not our purpose to know his purpose, but to have faith that he knows what we need when we need it.

2 years ago, my parents were in 2 different hospitals at the same time.  Dad was having heart surgery and Mom was admitted for pneumonia.  There were 85 and 86 respectively.  Dad suffered a stroke, mom was put on a ventilator and never recovered.  She past away a month later and was buried the day after we moved my dad to a nursing home.  Throughout that terrible time, God gave my sister and I the strength to carry on each day, He put the people we needed in our lives.  Mom and Dad never saw each other again.  After 60 years of marriage, they were separated the last month of my mom's life.  Why?  At the time, I couldn't even fathom.  Now I believe that neither one of them could have born the pain each of them were in.  God helped my mom enter his kingdom in the calmest way possible.  She never had to see dad debilitated and Dad didn't have to witness her last struggles.

My divorce has as much meaning as my marriage did.  I just don't know what that is right now.  I just trust that He knows what He is doing.

I am definitely feeling the same way.  I am waiting for my wife to get a job so we can formally separate - and seeing her doesn't make it any easier.  My life seems to be falling apart - changing drastically - and it's so hard to think that this would happen to me.  Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and smile - just so that I know that I still can and that I will get by with God's help.

I had similar thoughts when my stbx first hit me with all of this...I prayed and prayed and was not getting the right response....I was praying hard for the wrong thing...I was praying for him to help me save my marriage...I was praying for a lot of things...Finally, I let it go and said, "Lord, you know better than I, do with me what you will, just please let me find some peace and maybe eventually happiness in whatever way that means." Slowly, I started to find some small slivers of happiness in my days...Might only be a moment but it was a moment that was better than I had had the day before. Those moments of not hurting and actually feeling peaceful and at times even a small amount of joy, started growing...Am I happy all the time? No. Do I still have moments of upset? Yes. I go through my days usually without pain now...I might have the occasional thought of regret but it is not that tightness in your chest, tears burning your nose and back of your throat, feeling like my life is over kind of pain...In fact, it is not pain, it is a regret...I now look at my life as having possibilities...I don't know where God wants me to go for sure but I am open to the possibilities...Hang in there. God does not give us more than we can handle, even if it seems like it at times and there is always a purpose...even if it was to just have a little understanding towards someone else that needed it...

I believe most who go through this kind of thing, question ourselves, the ones who have hurt us, or we have hurt, and then of course, we question God! I remember saying not so long ago, God, if this is a test of my faith and my strength, I think I am failing! But you know, I have survived, and my faith, though it had waned a bit, is back stronger than ever! I don't believe God can fix our problems, but he gives us the strength to endure, to learn, and to accept. In that our lives will get better, we will have the faith in ourselves again, and when you begin to see that light at the end of the tunnel, who do you think will be there but Him, leading the way...

I have had a lot of thoughts about this same topic.I often wonder what gods plan for me is and why Im going through this again with the same person. 

you are definitely not alone

2much,
 i have the same feelings right now.. i really dont think i have that right to feel this way. i have grandma here with me too and i really hate going to church with her.. i feel extremely uncomfortable sitting there with her knowing how she really is.. i feel like i am selfish to my kids and myself for feeling like this. i dont always ask god for help but when i feel i need it most, he is not there for me.. i need him right now and i keep asking why ????. so to answer your question yes i feel the same way you do... you are not alone..

cherbear