Making Something Out of Nothing

I never looked at it quite that way. I guess we all want to lay the blame elsewhere. I haven't always gotten wanted. To just clear the record, I have worked from day 1 in this marriage and put my husband through college. At times, I was the sole supporter of our family and i make a good living for someone with only a high school diploma. I intend to start taking classes this summer so I can work towards getting my degree. I think it is unfair to make it sound like I have mooched off of him all this time. And the only way he made me stay the first time was to threaten me with my kids. And he knows that there is no way in hell I will hurt them for anyone. I guess we'll see. Only a week and he will be home.

Ok, little bit of devil's advocate here - how is HE the manipulative one? He loves you, regardless of your infidelity and wants you as his wife - isn't it manipulative to force an "open marriage" and make a man take care of you the way you are accustomed while stepping out on him regularly "discreetly" (although I don't see how being with a mutual friend is discreet in any way). It sounds more like all these years you have gotten YOUR way, not the other way around. You have just done a really good job at turning it around to ease the guilt.

If you want out, then bite the bullet and file. Yes, you will have to live meagerly, if the kids are still under 18, maybe you should consider leaving custody to him so you won't have the burden of their care. You are going to hurt him regardless, be it continuing this "open marriage" or divorcing. Obviously, it has always been your choice - you have just taken the easier route so far.

Oh, sorry. He might have participated a few times as far as he may have seen someone else once or twice. Early in our marriage he cheated on me several times. Once while I was pregnant, and then had the audacity to admit it to me because he felt guilty. I don't harbor any resentment over that, it was a long time ago.

We have tried marriage counseling in the past. It really didn't do anything but put a bandaid on the situation. This is how our open marriage worked: I could see whomever I wanted as long as I was discreet. Also, there was basically an unspoken agreement that I would tell him about whoever I was seeing and often he wanted to know details as to what we did sexually.
I know this sounds sick, even as I write it! I am disgusted with myself for doing this and for putting up with it for so long. About 4 months ago, I started seeing a mutual friend of both of ours. I am about to break that off this week before my husband returns for his business trip. I know that he will blame the other guy but it is just not this guy's fault. What a mess I have gotten myself in!

Why don't you try marriage counseling?

can you elaborate on the open marriage part please....i was a bit confused.....he didn't participate in this option?