Unfaithful Wife

first being unfaithful is very common these days it is an honor to know this about you

however cant relate to unfaithfulness

making it work says that there is force involved
making-how about allowing for seperation temporarily
perhaps the marriage is over
or
do you & he believe that marriage is forever

I think I saw this on tv.Im with paula though.From a guys perspective,the trust has been broken so it needs to be built back up.Even though you guys had a swinger lifestyle before,it was with his aproval yes? This time was different because you went behind his back right? Try to date him again or something to get the spark back.A nice long walk by a lake after a picnic lunch.Something that is qaulity time where you two can open up and talk.

Yes that is what I am saying.  He thinks when I am with someone else I am soo excited and turned on but when I am with him I don't seem like I want to be there.  He cannot get over the thought of me with someone else although I left a huge part of this out.  We had a bit of a swinging lifestyle before this happened.  He always wanted to have another guy over and join us.

I was missing something so I wanted to try it alone so I did.  After almost 20 years of marriage there is a spark in there just being with someone new.  We are past that. 

 

Sexually speaking, at this time, I am not interested in him.  But I want to keep him happy so I do it.  But he does not want once a week.  I keep telling him to relax about it and give me time for the feelings to come back.  It is very awkward considering the lifestyle we used to have.  I know this sounds horrible but it happened and I can't make it go away.

I hope both of you are going to counseling together. It's going to be hard for him to get the trust back and it will take time. Your life  needs to be an open book. He should be able to see your email and your phone. No secrets at all.

It can work but it will take a lot of hard work; more from you at first than your husband. But the counseling needs to be mandatory or it will happen again. You need to find out what caused you to feel the need to cheat. What was missing from your life and marriage.

I hope you are able to help your husband build his trust back and you stay married for many years.

can you elaborate on the sentence....'and them when i am with him i am not.'

are you saying that he can't get over the thought of you with another man....or

are you saying that you just aren't interested in him anymore and he can't understand why?